Joined: 21 Oct 2005 Posts: 27 Location: Ontario, Canada
Don't Know What I Want... Posted: 10-21-05 20:08pm
I have had a severe eating disorder now
for about 12 years. I think on and off
about getting better but it scares me
because I find so much comfort in
food...About 10,000 calories a day which I
purge most of. I am very underweight,
5'2" and 65 pounds. I have gained 5
pounds drinking shakes before bed which I
keep in along with vitamins, potassium
supplement and anti-depressants. I have
come a little ways in terms of my health
the past 3 years. I was hospitalized in
2002 against my will and locked up with
thw crazzies for 3 months when my weight
fell to 53 pounds. There I stayed until
my weight was doubled. I gained weight so
fast that I felt like a huge blob and as
soon as I was relased I quickly lost all
down to 60 pounds. I really want to get
up to 80 but no more beacuse I hate
getting my damb period and all that crap.
Everyone thinks I should weigh like 120
but I have a very small frame and my mom
who is 45 years old is my height and only
weighs 110 and she eats all she wants and
never diets. All my family is very thin
naturally. If I get up to like 93 I get
my period back. Do you really think I am
meant to be 120? I might consider a
treatment program but they all say I would
have to gain up to 120. I feel that is
way too much for me. Plus, I don't know
what I would do if I had to give up my
addiction of 10,000 calories a day because
all I do all day is cook and look foward
to the next 5,000 calorie "feed" which I
relish twice a day. I eat 1,000 caloreis,
purge then do that again twice for lunch
and the same for dinner. I am scared that
if I eat a normal meal which I don't think
I can because that would be just a tease
compared to what I am used to eating, it
would just sit in my stomach for hours.
This is what happened in the hospital and
I was bloated beyond belief. Is there
anything I can take or do to get my
stomach working properly again incase I
decide to eat normally? Please, if anyone
has some advice i'd really appreciate it.
Thanks.
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Nikia
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Nov 2003 Posts: 74 Location: Wisconsin
Sorry, I Missed This Post Before My Last One Posted: 10-25-05 19:07pm
I didn't realize that you were actually
eating a lot and then purging rather than
restricting.
I am recovering from restrictive anorexia.
I am not sure how the binge and purge
cycle effects things. I do know though
that I am uncomfortable digestive wise
eating my dietician given diet which is
significantly more than I had been eating.
Like you, I am uncomfortable being full.
Although I have some normal appetite now
(it had disappeared for a while), I don't
have normal fullness. If I eat too much,
which sometimes is part of the recommended
plan, I feel sick rather than normal
fullness. If your digestive system isn't
used to working much, it doesn't magically
turn back to normal when you get normal
food. I get lots of gas, bloating, and
constipation. They assure me that this
is normal. I have read that these
symptoms can get very severe and health
threatening if you make too drastic of
changes, but you might want to check with
a dietician or doctor to see how this
would apply to you.
One thing that you could try to get used
to not binging and having food in your
stomach for a while is to divide your food
into small portions. You could eat one
portion and weight for a certain amount of
time before reaching for the next portion.
As far as cooking, you could cook a time
consuming, healthy, lower calorie item
like a soup with lots of differnt
vegtables.
As far as your weight, it is a sign of
health to have a period. If you don't
want it and don't want to have children
any time soon, you can get deprova shots.
I don't know if you need to be 120
pounds. Certainly that is not
overweight. I am 5'5' and my dietican
tells me that I would be healthy at
115-120 pounds as long as I am eating
healthy (enough nutrients). Since you
are 5'2'', you probably can be healthy at
100-105 pounds if you are maintaining that
eating a healthy diet. I am guessing
that eating disorder centers want you to
be heavier than a minimal healthy weight
so that you won't relapse as easily.
