How Can I Beat My Problems? Posted: 10-22-05 15:02pm
I've been thro a tough past cpl of
months..First I found out my bf of 5 yrs
had cheated on me a yr back...I kinda went
into depression and shock after that,where
I felt unloved,felt like hurting
myself,did so couple of times,went to
counselling...
Finally we decided to give it another go
as I geuinely understand the reasons why
it happ(its a another long complicated
story as it wasnt anything
physical)..Since then im much much
better,and things between us are
great...But the only problem is,i still
cant seem to forget it totally..There are
still days where I go into hysterics..I
still feel vulnerable,sometimes I cry fr
no reason...Most of it linkd in someway to
what happ..I feel somtimes like maybe it
was coz she was better looking,maybe I
wasnt good enuf...And though my bf
reassures me time n again and he has
learnt from his mistakes and i'm the only
one he loved,i still get these negative
thoughts..My self-esteem is zero...I dont
know what to do to feel good bout myself
again..I feel like whatever I do,i cant
stand up to her in his eyes coz she was
one of those perfect girls(the kind every
woman dreads meeting)..I just feel like my
bf has come out of this wuth a bossted ego
because such a beautiful girl liked him
and ive lost whatever self esteem I
have..I dont know what I can do to make
myself feel beter...And its a very crucial
period for us,and its very important that
I get over this and dont keep dargging us
in the past again...All I want is to feel
good about myself again and enjoy my
relationship without fears that im not
good enuf or it wudnt have happ had I been
better looking.Hope someone who has been
thro this or jus nyone who has has similar
experiences can help me.Looking fwd to all
ur auggestions
|
jurplesman
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jul 2004 Posts: 139 Location: Sydney Australia
Posted: 10-26-05 01:22am
Hello sanjana,
this is sad story and I can understand how
you feel. It seems to me that your low
self-esteem may have come to the surface
after you experience that you bf cheated
on you.
Sometimes the depression may have a
physiological basis and I would like you
to read:
but I really feel that your low
self-esteem may be at the bottom of your
problems and I certainly agree with you
that we need to do something about it.
We have a self-help program, free of
charge, at our web site, under the name of
psychotherapy
this program looks at the self-image and
how we develop a negative self-image.
Please study transactional analysis (ta).
This is long complicated word for a simple
idea.
It says that the mind can be divided into
the parent, adult and child. When we
communicate to other people we seem to be
hopping from one ego to the next.
The most troublesome ego is the inner
parent within us. It is a moral ego that
sits in judgment all the time. When you
hear people talking who sit in their inner
parent ego, you hear such things as good,
bad, right, wrong, you should, you
mustn’t and so on and on.
The adult in us is the rational ego that
knows what is or is not true. When we
have a low self-esteem it is said that the
parent ego in us seem to be in control.
It seems to be the dominant ego, and when
we want to get rid of negative ideas about
ourselves we need to make the adult the
dominant ego.
The parent ego can also be considered a
fairly primitive part of the mind, that
acts more like an animal than a rational
being. Thus if we want to retrain the
parent in us, we need to retrain it like
we retrain a doggie that is misbehaving.
The point I want to get across is that if
you study our psychotherapy course at the
rate of one chapter a week and mentally
practise as is suggested, you will find
that in about eight weeks time you start
to feel different about yourself.
The course includes a self-assertiveness
training program that teaches you how to
handle criticisms, not only from other
people, but more importantly from within
yourself. It has also a counselling
training program and values clarification
course. The latter will help to define
what you want out of life and assess
whether you are in fact compatible with
other people.
Hi....Thnx a lot for your input..Ya,i will
join the course..I'm feeling good about
it..Hope it works out..Keeping my finers
crossed!..I'll let u know the results
|
Pink Star
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 5 Location: Caribbean Barbados
There Is Hope Posted: 10-31-05 13:27pm
Hello sanjana
hope you are feeling much better today.
However, let me say that the pain you feel
after you have been betrayed comes from
deep in your gut the pains comes and you
can not control it. It’s like someone
stabs u in the pit of your stomach with a
jagged edge knife. I felt that pain.
Almost eight years ago. And I cried too.
Believe me, when you cry it’s not for
“no reason” it’s because that gut
pain stabs you and it’s the only way of
release. I went through much of the
questions? Why did he? But at the end
of the day the answers will never be
satisfying. No matter how beautiful you
are a man will at times cheat. I
honestly believe it has nothing to do with
that. Don’t beat yourself up.
After we decided to stick together, at
first it was hard, I kept calling it to
mind but he was determined and we became
of one mind making our relationship work.
It’s been six wonderful years we have
been married and we have grown closer than
we were. I have been told recently that
I have lupus. Just over a year ago and
he has been a tower of strength to me.
We serve god shoulder to shoulder and I
can truly say I am happy. There was
quite a bit of work involved in getting
there but its well worth it.
Keep working it at it if he is willing and
is there for you with time and honesty on
both your part things will get better.
But you must also feel better about
yourself. Do things to feel good about
yourself. Buy a new dress, do your hair
differently, make it so u feel elegant not
so much for him but for yourself and your
confidence will come back. Depression is
natural part of grieving in situations
like these don’t feel too badly about
that either, if you didn’t greave or
feel then you would not have been in love.
Take care and I hope it works out well for
you.
