Bipolar Disorder Forum - Need Advice About My Boyfriend.

After dealing with another insane episode with my boyfriend today, I thought i'd do some research on the internet to see if anyone else has gone through what i've been going through to try to get some advice.

My boyfriend does have some horrible mood swings. Most of the time he is wonderful and sweet to me, and lights up my day. I love having him near. He has been going through some rough times lately. He has been out of work for a year, and is living in his truck.. By choice -- he is adamant about solely relying on himself, and that's why he won't move in with me. I think it's an ego thing. Nonetheless, I have tried to do everything I can to support him the best I can. I put extra effort into always being in a good mood around him, I cook him dinner, buy us dinner, give him a place to sleep and shower whenever he wants, let him use my internet connection whenever he wants, and generally try to make myself a warm place he can go to so he doesn't get too wrapped up with being unemployed and living in his car, I know sometimes he feels like the world is a cold and uncaring place, and i'm trying to give him hope. I want to give an example of how he acts so you guys can see how crazy this is. He has had episodes like this many times in the past, but it's been a while since the last one.

Last night we were watching a movie at my house and eating pizza and having a great, affectionate time together, which is how things are 90% of the time. After the movie, I got a bit annoyed with him over something little and didn't yell at him but I guess I just got kind of quiet. He sensed something was wrong and offered to help me clean my room (which I was already doing), kissed my hand, and gave me a hug, but I was not in a good mood, so I wasn't very responsive. So he started putting his shoes and jacket on like he was going to leave (acting like it was no big deal, even though it was 1am). This bothered me more so I said something to him about it, and he flipped out, started swearing at me and ran for the door. I started crying and he came back, but he was all about convincing me that he doesn't care about anything, and that he'd rather die than deal with this. We argued for about 2 hours, the whole time him just being entirely cold and stone-faced towards me and me being like "look at me, you act like you don't know who I am.. Don't you remember who I am?" and he kept being like "i don't care. Nothing matters. Why can't you just leave me alone. Being with you has done nothing good for me, so i'm done with it." mind you, we haven't gotten into an argument like this for about 2 months. It's not like I nag him about stuff constantly, I swear! I don't suck! I have done so much good stuff for him.

So finally I went outside for a cigarette and he left without saying anything while I was outside. He called me up the this morning and left a message saying that he doesn't know what happened to him last night, he assumes we won't be seeing each other anymore, and he has to do something before he goes totally insane. I called him back a couple hours later, and he said he didn't have anything to say, except that it's not my fault he acts like that, and he guesses he'll see me someday (implying long off in the future). Now we have been together for about 1.5 years, and I am not letting it go down like this, so I go over to where he is, and it turns out he is planning on driving an hour away to his storage unit to put some stuff away. He's telling me he's sure his life is going to get much much worse now and he doesn't want to take me with him into this dark space he is going, so I make him take me with him to his storage space because I am afraid to leave him alone. He doesn't speak to me for the entire ride, and of course I start crying, so finally he blows his lid at me and screams f*** you!! As loud as he can in my ear and almost hits me while he is driving. He says he did that so I would shut up. I am really scared of him at this point, but he is still stone cold towards me and we get to the place where we are going, and finally he comes over to me and apologizes for blowing up because he doesn't want me to be scared around him. I finally get him to give me a hug, and he starts crying and admits he is feeling really self-destructive, and I try to comfort him. He finally takes me home and is being more civil towards me, but is still really quiet, and right now he is off by himself somewhere and I hope he is ok. I told him I know he has an emotional problem and i'm not taking it personally, but it's pretty hard not to, you know!

Many times he has also told me that he can't keep up with his thoughts and has a really hard time communicating because his brain is moving so fast, which i've read is also a symptom of bipolar disorder. He can turn into Dr. Jekyll/mr. Hyde so easily and without warning, and it lasts days sometimes. I'm pretty sure i've figured out he is bipolar, but I know that part of his problem is that he doesn't care about things so I think it'll be pretty hard to convince him to see a professional (i think he'll say "why should I try to fix it if I really don't care"). Does anyone have any advice for me? I really love him so much, and the thought of losing him is so terrible, but can't take this kind of emotional abuse.