Joined: 19 Oct 2005 Posts: 13 Location: saskatchewan
Please Help Me With This........anyone???? Posted: 10-27-05 13:52pm
Hi,
i have a questions.....Or maybe a lot of
questions about the realtionship that I am
in. I have knowen this guy for the last
8 years, we hooked up one night in the bar
when I was going to college. We lost
track of each other after that and then a
couple of years later he appeared back in
my life. We have always been friends had
hang out with the same people. Over the
last couple of years we have hooked up
multiple times..But it has really only
been sex!!! I would really like to date
as a serious couple but he says that he
only wants to be friends, b/c he has never
had a girlfriend and does not know how it
would fit in with his life?????? In the
past year he was dignosed with testicular
cancer and has gone through chemo and
appears to be on his way to recovery. I
been there for him all through it.
I guess my questions are:
1. How do I approach the subject of
dating without freaking him out?
2. Should I hold out on the sex until he
decides if he wants to be more than
friends?
3. Should I ask him what is scaring him
about dating?
I think he is the kind of guy who once he
starts dating he will realize that I am
not going to make him my "health forum"
and order him around!!! He will wonder
why we did not do this sooner. Not much
will change, we will talk on the phone (he
lives an hour away from me) and we will
hang out together when our jobs and lives
let us.
I would appreciate any help on this
subject.
Thanks
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hellburn
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Sep 2005 Posts: 59 Location: vic australia
Posted: 10-28-05 21:07pm
Go for it there is no harm in asking.
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poohbear101
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Nov 2004 Posts: 383
Posted: 10-28-05 22:04pm
If you're no longer comfortable with just
being his bed buddy then you need to speak
up and say so. Unattached sex is fine for
some people as long as they don't get
attached easily to the person, but once
feelings start you need to decide whether
or not you want to risk getting hurt. Sit
down and talk to him about it and try to
really find out what he's afraid just
remember that he may not open up. What
guys like to talk about feelings and fears
right? :roll: but it's worth a shot.
And I say if you're starting to have
feelings for this guy and you want more
but all he's interested in is the sex you
need to cut him off. By not wanting to
get into a relantionship with you he's
baiscally saying you're good enough to be
his friend with benefits but nothing more.
Hopefully things turn out the way you
want them too. Good luck.
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patientlywaiting
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Oct 2005 Posts: 13 Location: saskatchewan
Posted: 10-29-05 13:31pm
Thanks poohbear for the advise!!!
Sometimes it's hard to see the right thing
to do when your feelings are
involved............And being a women I
have let my feelings get invovled!!! I
will let you know how thing work out.
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Tony Williams
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Oct 2005 Posts: 52 Location: UK, Liverpool
Posted: 10-30-05 07:31am
Thing is a lot of men prefare sex over
dating. Vice versa with girls.
Try speaking to him and being "romantic"
ask him out.
Does it seem he is using you just because
he can't find anyone else to screw?
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katie2020
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Dec 2005 Posts: 17
Posted: 12-12-05 21:09pm
You should tell him exactly how you prefer
your relationship to be. Relationship is
not all about sex.
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princessdiana7586
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2005 Posts: 49
Posted: 12-14-05 11:41am
If he has cancer, than he is probably
scared that his life could end at any
moment. He may be scared of being with
one person because it doesn't want to
waste his precious time with only one
person, in which it could be the wrong
person...But then again, he may also not
want to date you or anyone else because he
might be afraid that if something were to
happen to him, it would break your heart.
Think about it, if he's worried about how
much time he may have to live, i'm sure he
doesn't want to leave a girlfriend behind
to mourn over him. Still, I agree with
everyone else, and you should confront him
about how you feel.
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czarg
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Jan 2006 Posts: 68 Location: Lagos-Nigeria
No Sex For Friends. Posted: 01-13-06 00:38am
Hey girlfriend, if he just wans you to be
friends without dating then you have to
leave sex out of it all. Where is your
self esteem if you have to spread your
legs for him and not get what you want?
Many guys out here seek commitments and
could give you what you want. He is not
indispensable. Is he?
