Okay so im sitting here feeling amazed
with myself, while my ed is not thinking
the same things. Btw ive only posted
like, one message on here, so ill fill you
in a bit.
My ed started in about jan - feb, with
starting to want to lose weight in jan,
and actualy doing it the right way, uno,
healthy salads and sandwiches etc,
exercise. Then I didnt see any difference
and really cut sick and guess what
happened I said f**k this im eating some
chocolate and some more chocolate and
pizza etc binge. Then omfg I cant believe
myself I think I will throw up. Anyway so
that igues began in feb this year, with
once every few days, whcih continued until
about late march - april when it
spirralled out of control and I was doing
it 3 times a day, every day. I wouldnt
eat anything I didnt throw up. I thought
I was good when I didnt binge until 8pm.
My goal was to go "a day without food",
but I failed at this all the time, not
suprisingly. My best friend also has ed
for about 2 or 3 years, so I know a lot
from her. I am 15yrs old atm. Things got
really realy bad for me when I was doing
it 3-a-day, and in late april I took an
overdose of anything and ended up in
hospital, on a drip for like, 4 days.
They decided I wasnt depressed or whatever
enough to go into the phyc ward so they
sent me home.
Big mistake
things got worse from there - I wouldnt go
to school all I would do all day is b/p.
It was like I got excited, knowing no one
would be home to see me, and I wouldnt
have so many obstackles around purging.
So things were f**king terrible towards
april-may. At the end of may I was
admitted to a phyc ward for 2.5 weeks
after I let someone know about my plans
for my self harm that following week. The
phyc ward was a lil crazy (lol), but it
made me focus on the things I needed to
focus on - but I hated it. Things didnt
improve when I was discharged and put on
the outpatient unit for 6.5 weeks and
things still werent going good. They were
horrible.
At the end of my outpaitient stint (start
of august) I think I was b/p twice a day.
I stopped having my black thoughts and
black days and I was eating maybe like an
apple or a carrot, and letting it
digest.
After the outpatient thing I was put in
school for as much as I could handle,
which was sucessful to me and I did great
- I did what I could and no moer and no
less. At the end of august I got a p/t
job and that was great for me.
Things didnt really start improving until
about end of august, when I realised if I
wanted to beat this, I could do it. My
family and nurses gave me so much courage
and determination. I then used that and
fought with my head when it told me I
shouldnt be smiling, because I didnt
deserve to smile, because I had caused
everyone elses pain. I struggled through
september but things got better. And
things are better. By september I cut
down to mostly once a day b/p or sometimes
2. I was very proud of myself.
I started dating a guy from work and he
knows everything about me - ed, phyc ward,
suicide - I couldnt imagine how much of a
help he is to me. He is so great and
always just telling me how beautiful I am
and how I can beat this and he will help
me always.
For the last 6 weeks, I am winning. I am
not putting black thoughts in my head,
because I deserve better than that. I am
putting my best effort into everything I
do, and at school I dont care what marks I
get as long as I try cause if I try I cant
fail. My proudest moment was definately
the 6th of october. My first binge /
purge free day. I dont know why I wanted
to tell my story, I just wanted to let you
girls and guys know that there is hope,
and you can get through this, no matter
how much ed tells you that you dont
deserve food or happiness - you do.
Continue to fight against your head
because you are worth it.
....Has any one else had a similar story
to me? I would like a buddy that could
help each other with supporting each
other.
Take care everyone xxxx
