I Am Bipolar And My Boyfriend Is Unipolar!...please Help! Posted: 10-31-05 14:01pm
First let me give you a little background
on me and my boyfriend...
I have been dating this guy since 8/26 of
this year....We hit it off and we do well
together...We spoke on the phone everyday
and I was seeing every other day...About a
month and a half into the relationship,
all of sudden, he disappeared for two
weeks....No calls, emails or im's...He
wouldnt respond to my efforts of
communication at all...As soon as I was
about to move on....He called me,
apologizing profusely for leaving me....He
claimed that he had fallen in love with me
and he was scared about his feelings....I
forgave him and he revealed his condition
of being unipolar to me......
I have been diagnosed as having bipolar
disorder but I dont claim it....I am not
on meds and I dont want to be....I have
attempted suicide twice in my life (before
diagnosis and after), the latter being in
1999...After the last attempt, I have been
ok....I do still have my times when I am
depressed...Nothing seems to bring that
out more than a relationship....I cant
handle rejection or breakups....It feels
as if my life is ending....
My problem is that with my boyfriend, he
is always down.....Sometimes, it makes me
feel as if I am the cause of his
unhappiness...Although he says he was
depressed before he met me, I am
frightened that he will up and disappear
on me again like he did before....I love
him to death....Actually, I am afraid of
my feelings because they are too strong
for words....
He is so quiet and I try to communicate
with him to see where his feelings and
thoughts are at...Sometimes, I feel as if
he doesnt want to be bothered...In a
nutshell, I feel I am walking on eggshells
whenever I am with him...I dont want him
to disappear on me again...People keep
tellling me to leave him because the
situation isnt healthy, but I cant bear to
leave him.....We both suffer from some
form of mental disorder...I would hate to
leave him because of that....Please give
me any advice that you may have for me...
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emerald_angeltx
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2005 Posts: 5 Location: Texas
Re: I Am Bipolar And My Boyfriend Is Unipolar!...please Help Posted: 11-04-05 22:09pm
simplicity_29
wrote:
first let me give you a
little background on me and my
boyfriend...
I have been dating this guy since 8/26 of
this year....We hit it off and we do well
together...We spoke on the phone everyday
and I was seeing every other day...About a
month and a half into the relationship,
all of sudden, he disappeared for two
weeks....No calls, emails or im's...He
wouldnt respond to my efforts of
communication at all...As soon as I was
about to move on....He called me,
apologizing profusely for leaving me....He
claimed that he had fallen in love with me
and he was scared about his feelings....I
forgave him and he revealed his condition
of being unipolar to me......
I have been diagnosed as having bipolar
disorder but I dont claim it....I am not
on meds and I dont want to be....I have
attempted suicide twice in my life (before
diagnosis and after), the latter being in
1999...After the last attempt, I have been
ok....I do still have my times when I am
depressed...Nothing seems to bring that
out more than a relationship....I cant
handle rejection or breakups....It feels
as if my life is ending....
My problem is that with my boyfriend, he
is always down.....Sometimes, it makes me
feel as if I am the cause of his
unhappiness...Although he says he was
depressed before he met me, I am
frightened that he will up and disappear
on me again like he did before....I love
him to death....Actually, I am afraid of
my feelings because they are too strong
for words....
He is so quiet and I try to communicate
with him to see where his feelings and
thoughts are at...Sometimes, I feel as if
he doesnt want to be bothered...In a
nutshell, I feel I am walking on eggshells
whenever I am with him...I dont want him
to disappear on me again...People keep
tellling me to leave him because the
situation isnt healthy, but I cant bear to
leave him.....We both suffer from some
form of mental disorder...I would hate to
leave him because of that....Please give
me any advice that you may have for
me...
i don't know why anyone who knew they were
bipolar or unipolar would not seek
treatment for it. You will feel so much
better. Please, I encourage you to accept
the fact that you are bipolar and to seek
a doctor's advice and treatment.
Secondly, i'm just curious as to whether
or not you have a personal relationship
with jesus christ. I am a
non-denominational christian (but I attend
a baptist church here) and have found so
much peace and security in knowing that I
am loved totally and completely by christ.
It is a daily struggle to remember that
but what awesome knowledge. I am
currently dating someone myself and just
last night we got into a pretty big
discussion and the whole time I was
terrified that this was going to be the
end of our relationship. But looking back
on it today, I know that if we aren't
meant to be, it's because god has someone
better out there for me. Someone who's an
even better match than this guy is and he
is pretty amazing. Completely different
from any guy i've ever dated before....
Is your boyfriend on any medication? I
would encourage him to seek treatment too
and that way you can both be stable enough
to pursue a relationship together. You
really won't be able to get anywhere if
you're constantly up and down and he's
down all the time. Those are not the
right ingredients for a healthy, stable
relationship.
I just got back on meds after being off
for a year and a half. I've only been on
them a week and am going to the doctor
again to have them changed because these
aren't doing the trick but i'm not going
to give up. I know that I will find the
right combination of meds that will
relieve me of some of this roller-coaster
ride. I'm a rapid-cycler and can cycle in
and out of mania and depression in 1-2
days. I don't do this everyday, I have
several periods of normal mood in between
but I have gotten to the point that I can
recognize when i'm manic and when i'm
depressed. My doctor told me I was
lucky....Some people don't have that
recognition.
So, I guess my advice is three-fold. Seek
treatment, have a relationship with jesus,
and encourage your boyfriend to seek
treatment as well. When those three
things are securely in place, only then
can you hope to have a healthy, loving
relationship with someone else. If you
have any other questions, etc, please feel
free to reply to this post. In christ,
emily
|
Simplicity_29
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Oct 2005 Posts: 3 Location: chicago
Posted: 11-05-05 06:58am
Thank you for your response!....I am also
one of the few who knows when I am
"cycling" as well....That's why I have
been able to contain it without meds or
therapy for the past 13 years.....I cycle
fast as well...1-3 days...I am so in touch
with myself and I am glad that about
that...It somehow keeps me balanced....As
far as my boyfriend, he is on prozac....I
guess I am scared that he is going to
disappear again since he has done it twice
before.....Actually, I am beginning to
think I can't handle relationships being
bipolar because anything can upset me and
I am so quick to call it off or get very
depressed....Sometimes I need plenty of
reassurance from my mate (like most
bipolars do) and if I dont feel I am
getting it, I will definitely go out and
flirt or much worse with someone else
(well...I use to before I began noticing
my cycling), which I felt was part of my
"mania"....As far as my relationship with
christ...I use to have one....I was saved
and I was doing so well...It was after my
last attempt at suicide and after the
birth of my son....Then I backslid with my
son's father and I was too ashamed to go
back and beg for forgiveness because I
knew better....In actuality, I never
forgave myself for betraying him....I am
surrounded by pastor's, I am extremely
close to their wives (17 years)....My
children's paternal grandmother is an
evangelist and yet, I have been too
ashamed to ask for his forgiveness....I
know human love is not perfect and it is
filled with flaws....I also know that love
from a human is not guaranteed forever as
well....Noone can give unconditional love
as christ....I know all of this.....
|
emerald_angeltx
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2005 Posts: 5 Location: Texas
Posted: 11-05-05 10:08am
simplicity_29
wrote:
thank you for your
response!....I am also one of the few who
knows when I am "cycling" as
well....That's why I have been able to
contain it without meds or therapy for the
past 13 years.....I cycle fast as
well...1-3 days...I am so in touch with
myself and I am glad that about that...It
somehow keeps me balanced....As far as my
boyfriend, he is on prozac....I guess I am
scared that he is going to disappear again
since he has done it twice
before.....Actually, I am beginning to
think I can't handle relationships being
bipolar because anything can upset me and
I am so quick to call it off or get very
depressed....Sometimes I need plenty of
reassurance from my mate (like most
bipolars do) and if I dont feel I am
getting it, I will definitely go out and
flirt or much worse with someone else
(well...I use to before I began noticing
my cycling), which I felt was part of my
"mania"....As far as my relationship with
christ...I use to have one....I was saved
and I was doing so well...It was after my
last attempt at suicide and after the
birth of my son....Then I backslid with my
son's father and I was too ashamed to go
back and beg for forgiveness because I
knew better....In actuality, I never
forgave myself for betraying him....I am
surrounded by pastor's, I am extremely
close to their wives (17 years)....My
children's paternal grandmother is an
evangelist and yet, I have been too
ashamed to ask for his forgiveness....I
know human love is not perfect and it is
filled with flaws....I also know that love
from a human is not guaranteed forever as
well....Noone can give unconditional love
as christ....I know all of
this.....
i'm surprised you can "control" your moods
somewhat. I know when i'm cycling but
there's not a darn thing I can do to keep
from plunging into depression or spiraling
out of control with mania. I've had the
same kinds of experiences you described
with relationships. I'm 22, was married
at 19, separated and divorced at 21. I
have 2 kids, 3 and 10 1/2 months, both
have a different father. My ex-husband
was mentally and emotionally abusive but I
was so up and down that I stayed with him
on and off for almost 7 years, starting
with dating in high school. I have a
pretty big fear of rejection and being
alone too. Even though i'm a born again
christian/virgin, there's still times when
I struggle with feeling all alone or not
rocking the boat in my current
relationship because i'm afraid I might
lose him. And after that big discussion
we had the other night, I was angry, very
angry, with myself for letting one comment
I made get blown into a full blown
discussion. It also led to other
things....We've decided if we're going to
have a long-term relationship/get married,
that we're going to wait to have sex until
we're married and the offhand comment I
made was that I was thinking about what it
would be like to wait until we're married
to kiss too. Anyway, I know what you mean
about the fear of rejection and mania
pushing you to do other things whether it
be flirting or beyond. I experienced that
with my ex-husband and cheated on him
several times....Of course, he didn't
really help and wasn't faithful either so
it was a go-nowhere relationship. So glad
i'm out of it!
I'm glad you have a relationship with
christ. And I know you've probably heard
this but there is nothing that god
won't/can't forgive. We have trouble
forgetting and letting go but "the bible
says that god forgives past sins if they
are confessed: 'if we confess our sins, he
is faithful and just to forgive us our
sins and to cleanse us from all
unrighteousness' (1 john 1:9). Because of
god's grace and mercy, he does forgive.
Because of our sinful nature, we can't
forget. God will help us forget the
past." that came from a bible study i'm
working on with my girls singles group at
church. Here are some other verses on
forgiveness: psalm 103:12, isaiah 1:18,
micah 7:19, romans 3:25, hebrews 10:17.
I'm hoping these will help you more....
So, you said you have a child/children?
How many? What ages?
|
Simplicity_29
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Oct 2005 Posts: 3 Location: chicago
Posted: 11-05-05 10:20am
Well...I am 29 for starters...My daughters
are 10 and 8...I have a 5 year old son who
is mildly autistic (meaning he can talk
and communicate, but not as well as other
children his age) and he is bright!...I
know my children think my nerves are bad
because I do yell a lot....I try not to,
but I cant help it....I think they have
come to ignore me now....I dont
know...Like last night, I didnt sleep at
all because I didnt talk to my boyfriend
(well, I was over his house yesterday
morning until about 7am) and I was too
nervous to sleep.....Then I thought about
just giving up on this highly stressful
relationship (although the stress is
coming from me and my constant thoughts)
...Then I thought to myself that I was
probably being codependent and I need to
chill out....I have a thousand thoughts
running in my head and then all of sudden,
I got really sad and thought dark
thoughts.....Now am I just wandering
aimlessly through my home (my kids are at
my moms) not knowing what to do with
myself....Maybe I should go back to
sleep.....
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BPjoe23
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Oct 2005 Posts: 111 Location: dfw tx
Posted: 11-10-05 04:49am
I also want to know about how can you
control your mood with out meds?.
I also encourage you to talk to a doctor..
What's hard about the relationship in
my opinion is that you can have the high's
the mania a long with the depression.
Where he can only go depression to normal
to depression and cycle back and forth
like that.. If it was meant to be
cool, if not god always has a plan for us
to meet someone better.
Just make sure you keep the talking
open,and stay with the meds and doctors.
