I am depressed.... I am ugly... I am
fat... I am nothing!!!
I have been depressed since mid oct. I
do not know where it came from, I thought
that it was because of my "period" coming,
but I knew there was something else going
on. I just find myself looking at myself
as "nothing, ugly, fat, useless." my self
esteeme just disapeared. I need help. I
need some advice on what is going on with
me. I have already been depressed once in
my life and I don't want to end up there
again.
I have a loving man. I love him with all
my heart and soul. We do have a long
distance relationship so me not being with
him, is part of my depression, but I know
that there is something else going on.!
He is constantly telling me how beautiful
I am, how gorgeous, fine, sexy, etc. That
he is a lucky man to have found me. That
he will never let me go. He always tells
me " you are beautiful, I don't understand
why you have such a low self esteem" and I
really don't understand either. There are
days that I am alight. I feel "pretty" I
feel like I am pretty. All around, I am
happy, smiley, just feel good. But then
there are days, I just feel like I am
nothing. I am useless.
When I go out, every one stairs to a
point to where its like damn, is something
wrong with me. But I realized that it
wasn't because "something was wrong with
me" but because I am beautiful and they
are looking at me at awe. But I find
recently, that no body looks at me any
more. Its not about me wanting someone to
look at me, its just the fact that knowing
that when they do, its because I am
pretty. But I see that no girls, no guys,
nobody looks at me like the same way
theyuse to. I know that I have gained a
couple pounds( at 2 thoughts of pregnancy)
but I didn't think that my looks faded.
My man loves me with all his heart and
soul. He doesn't love me just for my
looks, but for my personality. And
sometimes I just feel that he tells me I
am "beautiful" because he is already in
love with me, and doesn't care what my
appearance is. I don't know if you all
will get the time to read this, and if you
do, I don't know if I do make sense to you
all. But just over all, I feel ugly. I
feel fat, I feel like I am nothing. I am
useless.... This feeling will not go
away. I am to the point where I dont even
want to look in the mirror any more.
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Joey9725
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2005 Posts: 25 Location: Sydney
You Are Something! Posted: 10-31-05 19:11pm
I am suffering from depression myself and
I know excatly what it feels like to feel
like your worth nothing. But I have
seeked help and I am feeling so much
better within myself now and I feel that I
am something.
What I think you need to do is speak to a
professional about whats going on and how
your feeling, because it will help because
it has helped me.
I have also seen a doctor to speak to them
about going on medication to help me deal
with my emotions better and believe me it
works.
Have you got people around you that can
support you? Cause having support helps
alot. If you need someone to talk to, I
am here and I hope I can help. I am sorry
that u are going through this tuff time,
but don't give up, cause you are something
and you are worth everything. Don't look
at the negitives, look at all the postives
in your life and all the things that are
good i.E your partner.
Hope you feel better, I am always here
take care
jo
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Nevaeh_Iilena
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Oct 2005 Posts: 27
Me Again Posted: 10-31-05 20:21pm
Thank you so much to know that I have some
one that is at the same situation as
myself. I do not know what is wrong with
me. I have had one epidsode of depression
in my life that took about a couple years
to deal with on my own and I can feel it
coming on again. To your question, no! I
do not have any support. At all!!! My
mother works far away( she has her own
problmes to deal with, our relatinship is
not at the best) and my father and I seem
to be growing further from each other as I
look at it. I constantly feel lonely. My
man( the one that I love with my heart,
body and soul) has to live a far distance
from me. I stay up in the midd. Night
just gushing tears because I feel soo
lonely and unhappy without him. And then
I look at my self appearance and I feel
that there is no reason to be happy.
I feel fat, I loose weight, but continue
to feel fat. I feel ugly, I feel useless.
I have no brothers or sister. Nor do I
have any caring people around. I have
freinds, dont get me wrong, but they are
no one that I can call a "freind". By
that, meaning I do not believe in freinds.
So it is hard. I walk around just
holding my head down, when I use to be
able to hold my head up high and say screw
everybody, if they dont like me, then they
can move on. I remember the feeling of
depression, it was horiable. I do not in
my life want to feel that way again. But
I do. I can feel it coming on and it just
wont go away. I want to cousult in a doc,
but like I said, my mother and father, the
relatinship that I have with them, is
growing apart. Instead of growing closer
together. I live with my mother and her
boyfreind, she is pregnant, she doesnt
understand anything that I say( meaning
when I am trying to be streight up and
tell her something improtnat, she blows me
off like if everything that comes out of
my mouth is a joke). My father, who lives
about 2 hrs away from me, works so much.
He is now starting to go out again, have
some fun as he is getting older, so when I
do see him, I feel that I should leave him
alone to let him do what he wants to do in
his life. It seems that he is just
letting me go from his life. Little by
litle at least.
I know that the way that I am feeling is
basted on the feeling of lonlieness, but
it is starting to hit me harder as the
days go on. I just want this feeling to
go away....
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Joey9725
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2005 Posts: 25 Location: Sydney
Posted: 10-31-05 21:30pm
How come you have to live far away from
your boyfriend?
I don't have a good relationship with my
mother either, she lives in queensland.
How old are you? And where you from?
I think you should go see someone
professional and get help so u can deal
with yourself, so you can feel happy
again.
Do you want my email so u can contact me
to talk? Cause I know how u are feeling I
wish I can help.
Take care
jo
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MarieVale
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Aug 2005 Posts: 56
Posted: 10-31-05 22:00pm
Hi sweetheart,
i too have the same illness and there are
days when I dont want to even get out of
bed because I know the moment I look into
the mirror the insults come flooding out.
Sometimes I just have to look and try to
convice myself that I am worth something.
Are you taking any antidepressants? Let
me know how you're feeling..
