Medical Abortion Forum - 18 And Scared Pregnant
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18 And Scared Pregnant

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ali-ant

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Joined: 02 Nov 2005
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18 And Scared Pregnant
Posted: 11-02-05 05:22am

I have been in a serious relationship for some time now, obviously sexually active. We have been safe, but my period is a day or so late. Although it fluctuates from time to time, the issue of pregnancy is very possible.


However, I know that I could not keep the child, for many reasons. Im scared of the physical and emotional consequences of abortion, and could really use some support. I cant talk to my boyfriend about it; the few time the subject has came up, he has made his view on abortion very clear: he thinks it takes a cruel, heartless person to kill something living.

I obviously dont feel the same, and I know that having an abortion will almost definately mean losing the person I love most. I dont have anyone to go to about this. Please help.

edit: I want to thank everyone who replied, it really did give me lots of comfort.Fortunately, I finally got my period this afternoon. I started on the 30th of september, so going 33 days was extremely irregular for me.
I want everyone who did reply to know that this scare has really put a lot into perspective, and I need to either abstain for awhile or practice safer sex. Thank you all again. You have no idea how much it helped.


Last edited by ali-ant on 11-02-05 16:05pm; edited 1 time in total
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oopoopoop

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Posted: 11-02-05 08:23am

This is obviously a very difficult issue for you. The first thing to say, though, is that it is your body and no one can force you to use it for something you don't want. If you don't want to be pregnant and don't want to have a child, that is only your decision. In terms of the physical consequences, a legal first-trimester abortion is a very safe procedure -- much less damaging to your body and much less risky than actually carrying to term and giving birth. Emotionally, carrying through with an unwanted pregnancy is very difficult for many women, particularly if they feel pressured by their partner.

As for your relationship with your partner, you don't say what method of birth control you are using. At the very least, you should be using two methods of birth control, including condoms.

My view, however, is that before entering into a sexual relationship, couples should discuss very frankly what their views about abortion are. If you would abort an unwanted pregnancy, and he is opposed, or if you would not want to have an abortion and your partner was vehemently against becoming a father, then you should not have sex. The choice of what to do is yours -- it is up to him to know what that choice would be and to decide accordingly.
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Tazzy D

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Joined: 30 Oct 2004
Posts: 3718
Location: , va
Re: 18 And Scared Pregnant
Posted: 11-02-05 09:12am

ali-ant wrote:
i have been in a serious relationship for some time now, obviously sexually active. We have been safe, but my period is a day or so late. Although it fluctuates from time to time, the issue of pregnancy is very possible.


However, I know that I could not keep the child, for many reasons. Im scared of the physical and emotional consequences of abortion, and could really use some support. I cant talk to my boyfriend about it; the few time the subject has came up, he has made his view on abortion very clear: he thinks it takes a cruel, heartless person to kill something living.

I obviously dont feel the same, and I know that having an abortion will almost definately mean losing the person I love most. I dont have anyone to go to about this. Please help.



well we are all here for you.. Some of us here believe it is okay and some disagree and believe the same thing as your boyfriend so expect both opinions here. As far as me im here if you need to talk. Hopefully you will not have to make a decision.. Hopefully your period is just late. You need to worry about yourself right now and everything else will fall right into place
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Tylanas

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Posted: 11-02-05 10:18am

If you don 't want to be a mother, there is always the option of adoption; but the impact a pregnancy could have on your relationship could be good or bad. However, I hope like tazzyd that's you're just late!
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sandyallen

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Joined: 02 Feb 2004
Posts: 4580
Anti-ant
Posted: 11-02-05 14:25pm

Hi there and welcome! You say that your period can run a few days late and with the stress that you are under it can make it even later.
We are here to support whatever decision you make, we are not here to judge you!
Feel free to come here and talk anytime! If you feel someone is judging you, just ignore them! Never let a man tell you what to do, it is your choice, pregnancy can be hard onyour body and mind too.
Women have abortions every day and do not have problems and if you do have problems, there is help for you.
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ali-ant

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Nov 2005
Posts: 3
Re: 18 And Scared Pregnant
Posted: 11-02-05 16:00pm

stillmehere wrote:
ali-ant wrote:
i cant talk to my boyfriend about it


if you can't talk to your boyfriend, you shouldn't be sleeping with him. If you don't want to be pregnant, it isn't his choice to make.


as I stated, I cannot talk to him about abortion because I know his opinion. Our communication otherwise is fine, and you lecturing me on sleeping with him really isnt helpful considering its a little late for that.
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ali-ant

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Joined: 02 Nov 2005
Posts: 3

Posted: 11-02-05 18:07pm

We do talk about, have quite a few times, in fact. When I stated that I could not talk to him, I meant about the actual abortion. I sleep with him because I love him, and its my choice. I know and am aware of the consequences. I know that if I end up pregnant, my decision will be an abortion, and our relationship will end. I have come to terms with that, but I am not going to end a serious relationship because of his personal, religious standpoint on an issue that has yet to be a problem. As I said in my edit above, I got my period and I am going to begin taking even more precautions.
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oopoopoop

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Posted: 11-02-05 18:12pm

ali-ant wrote:
we do talk about, have quite a few times, in fact. When I stated that I could not talk to him, I meant about the actual abortion. I sleep with him because I love him, and its my choice. I know and am aware of the consequences. I know that if I end up pregnant, my decision will be an abortion, and our relationship will end. I have come to terms with that, but I am not going to end a serious relationship because of his personal, religious standpoint on an issue that has yet to be a problem. As I said in my edit above, I got my period and I am going to begin taking even more precautions.


congratulations on not being pregnant!

But does your bf know that you would have an abortion if you did get pregnant? If not, don't you think it would be fair to tell him? I would find it difficult to be in a relationship with someone who thought it was their right to control my body.
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Tazzy D

Advanced Support Team
Joined: 30 Oct 2004
Posts: 3718
Location: , va

Posted: 11-02-05 18:44pm

Im glad everything worked out for you...
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Tazzy D

Advanced Support Team
Joined: 30 Oct 2004
Posts: 3718
Location: , va

Posted: 11-02-05 20:47pm

All right she started her period.. This is support ladies remember. Who cares what her bf thinks we are here for her or are you forgetting
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sandyallen

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Joined: 02 Feb 2004
Posts: 4580
Ali_ant
Posted: 11-03-05 00:28am

Sorry I messed up your name prior, I just realized it, oops!


Well today is your day **** hooray ****hooray!
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laura_friesen

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Joined: 01 Feb 2006
Posts: 615
Location: , Canada
18 And Pregnant
Posted: 02-01-06 12:57pm

Glad you got your period. I am usually late with my period here and there but this time I found out I am pregnant , the doctor confirmed it. At first I was thinking of an abortion so no one would know. But my boyfriend and I are engaged and we talked things out. Its not good timing right now but we have to make it work. Talking to my mom about her experiences with abortions I just couldn't do it. It's just not the "killing " experience, its the "guilt" and I couldn't do it. I have support fortuantly from pretty much everyone in the family and its great. I will be 19 in may so yes im young like you, but im excited ..Everyone is excited..There is no wrong or right answer for abortion I think its just an opinion, but the guilt is what would kill me.
-laura
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Tylanas

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Re: 18 And Pregnant
Posted: 02-01-06 21:41pm

laura_friesen wrote:
glad you got your period. I am usually late with my period here and there but this time I found out I am pregnant , the doctor confirmed it. At first I was thinking of an abortion so no one would know. But my boyfriend and I are engaged and we talked things out. Its not good timing right now but we have to make it work. Talking to my mom about her experiences with abortions I just couldn't do it. It's just not the "killing " experience, its the "guilt" and I couldn't do it. I have support fortuantly from pretty much everyone in the family and its great. I will be 19 in may so yes im young like you, but im excited ..Everyone is excited..There is no wrong or right answer for abortion I think its just an opinion, but the guilt is what would kill me.

-laura


hey, it sounds like for you, keeping the baby is what is right! It is different for everyone! It sounds like you have a lot of support and love all around you, so I know you and your fiancee will be wondeful parents :)
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laura_friesen

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Joined: 01 Feb 2006
Posts: 615
Location: , Canada
Re: 18 And Pregnant
Posted: 02-07-06 11:14am

Hey, it sounds like for you, keeping the baby is what is right! It is different for everyone! It sounds like you have a lot of support and love all around you, so I know you and your fiancee will be wondeful parents :)[/quote]

thanks hun! Ya I hope everything goes great. My mom surprised me with a really nice stroller and jolly jumper and toys and books! And my fiance's (chad) dad is buying us a brand new crib ..Like..Its all falling into place !! :)
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Tylanas

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Re: 18 And Pregnant
Posted: 02-07-06 21:12pm

laura_friesen wrote:
eiri wrote:
hey, it sounds like for you, keeping the baby is what is right! It is different for everyone! It sounds like you have a lot of support and love all around you, so I know you and your fiancee will be wondeful parents :)


thanks hun! Ya I hope everything goes great. My mom surprised me with a really nice stroller and jolly jumper and toys and books! And my fiance's (chad) dad is buying us a brand new crib ..Like..Its all falling into place !! :)


that's wonderful :)
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