I Am New, Major Depression And Anexity - Need Help Posted: 12-09-03 12:07pm
Hi, I am new here and I need a lot of
help, here is my story.
In 1997 I was diagnosed with depression
and anexity and it was really bad. I
lost my job over it as couldn't even
function to work. It lasted about 3
months and then the meds kicked in and I
guess the therapy helped.
Then they took me off the meds a year
later, jan, 1998. I then got engaged in
march of 1998 and had a small eposide of
depression and went right back on the meds
and got better real quick that time.
Well here I am again, 2003, 30 years old,
married 4 years and just had a baby boy, 2
1/2 months old. Well as soon as he was
born the depression/anexity came back full
force. The worst it has ever been. It
seems any life changing events (good ones
even) I get this. My feelings are this:
no interest in the baby, scared of not
taking care of the baby properly, very
overwhelmed, hopeless, helpless, scared,
can't concentrate, have no effort or
motivation for anything, scared, fear of
leaving the house alone, scared of never
getting better as I have been trying to
get help for 2 1/2 months now and nothing
has worked. I went to an out patient
program, didn't work. I went to an
inpatient program, didn't work. They
have been changing my medicine and still
not working. I cry all the time. I
went back to work on nov. 17th and lasted
a half day and felt like I had a major
anexity attack and had to leave work. I
am a legal secretary in a one person
office. My boss has a temp well I am out
and when I went back everything was
different and I felt like I didn't know
anything and like I was in a foreign
country and couldn't comprehend or handle
it at all. He says he is holding my job
but who knows for how long.
I am extremely worried about money as I
need to work for my husband and I to make
ends meet so that is totally on my mind.
Right now the baby is in daycare (even
though we can't afford it) I can't handle
taking care of him by myself. I can't
handle anything.
All I want to do is sleep all day.
I do have to pick up my son every day from
daycare and it is very hard for me as I
have an anexity attack everytime I walk in
there or even when I leave the house.
Even when I am with my husband and we go
to the mall x-mas shopping I get so very
overwhelmed looking in all the stores and
I can't handle it.
My husband is absolutely wonderful but
this is taking such a toll on him
emotionally and physically. He never
ever gets sick and now he keeps getting
sick. He usually is a very happy go
lucky person and doesn't get stressed
easily at all and I can tell he is
miserable. I even offered to leave him
and he cried.
Sometimes I think it would be better if I
just wasn't alive anymore but no, I would
never hurt myself or my baby for that
matter.
My mother-in-law and mom seem to be
getting annoyed with me as they think I
should just snap out of it and get back to
work already. They said to go in one day
this week while the temp is there but I
can't bring myself to do it.
I feel so helpless and hopeless and like I
will never get better.
Please help me
|
Amberlee123
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Dec 2003 Posts: 185 Location: Tennessee
Posted: 12-09-03 14:41pm
Hi, I am sorry you feel this way. As it
seems so familiar. I can honestly say I
know how you feel and I have had the same
thoughts myself. I am a 22 year old
mother of 2 pregnant with my third now. I
was diagnosed with depression eight years
ago, on and off medications and therapy.
Sometimes I feel like the only thing that
has kept me alive is my children. I want
you to know this can and will pass. Not
to long from now you will not even
recognize this person you feel now. I'm
not sure why god made us this way, I would
say this post partom depression thing had
to be a design flaw when he was making
women. Yet we are the strongest creatures
on earth. You will eventually gain more
desire to care for your new baby. You
must take care of yourself, if you do not
then you cannot take care of anyone else
either. What is it you like to do, what
makes you feel good? You must do
something for yourself. Get a manicure,
buy a new dress, paint a picture whatever
it is do it. Put a smile on your face.
I know this sounds impossable to you ( a
smile) but even a fake smile can turn
real. You can feel however you want to.
This is not easy sometimes but you control
your emotions and feelings. As for your
husband, he is more than likely feeding
off of your emotions plus he feels bad for
not having any way to help you. Men feel
useless if they can't fix what is broken.
Let him know how you apreciate him
specificaly. You do not want this
depression to leak into his soul. Think
of the depressions you have had before,
this one will leave too. Maybe you
should put on your hottest office suit, do
your hair and make-up a lil different and
walk into your office. Walk in with the
confadence of a cat. Walk tall and sexy,
speak strong and clear, and give the temp
a little wink to let her know who is in
charge of that desk. Let them know when
you will be back. And continue to get out
of the house. Staying in the house will
only make you more sick. Please get out
of the house. Much luck and know that
you are needed and loved by your husband
and child.
|
PSM
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Dec 2003 Posts: 10
Thank You Posted: 12-09-03 15:44pm
Amberlee:
thank you for your reply and caring enough
to do so. Congrats on the new pregnancy
and best of luck. God bless you.
I can't even handle the one I have. I
believe this is part post portom and part
of my depression from years ago.
Everything I enjoy doing does not give me
enjoyment any longer. I use to love to
read, can't concentrate to do so. Went
and got my nails done yesterday and didn't
do anything for me. I love certain shows
on t.V., don't even watch them as can't
concentrate long enough to do so. All
the other stuff I love to do can't afford
right now anyway but nothing gives me
enjoyment right now for some reason.
I am so very scared to go into work, it is
such a small office, it is my boss and the
temp and one other attorney and secretary.
I am trying to leave the house but I am
so paranoid to do so, don't know why. I
mean I pick up my baby from daycare
everyday whcih is even a struggle and I am
paranoid when I walk in there. I was out
yesterday but didn't make me feel
better.
My husband and I have to go pick up the
baby's pictures tomorrow night so it will
be good that he is with me when I am out
but I will still be paranoid I am sure.
I can't wait to look back at this and
laugh and have the old paula back. This
really sucks.
Thanks for listening and hope all is well
with you.
|
Amberlee123
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Dec 2003 Posts: 185 Location: Tennessee
Posted: 12-10-03 08:51am
How are you paranoid? What is it you are
scared of? Or do you even know?
Sometimes we don't know.
|
PSM
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Dec 2003 Posts: 10
Posted: 12-13-03 12:25pm
I don't know, I am scared of everything.
I am paranoid of going out and people
looking at me like they know something is
wrong with me. I guess I am scared of
not remembering how to do my job and not
taking care of my baby good enough etc.,
etc.
|
qt3
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2003 Posts: 264
Posted: 12-17-03 02:40am
Psm-
look and see if your local university has
a cbt program as these are often free of
charge there. Short of that you could
pick up a copy of my favorite book on cbt
and overcoming anxiety and depression and
if you guys dedicate yourself to the tools
together it will change your life. It
called been there done that? Do this! By
sam obitz www.Tao3.Com
it's all about using the tools to learn to
think more clearly and accurately about
things and once you do your panic anxiety
and depression will miraculously begin to
lift before your eyes. Good luck!
Q
|
PSM
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Dec 2003 Posts: 10
Posted: 12-17-03 15:48pm
Thank you so much
|
qt3
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2003 Posts: 264
Posted: 12-18-03 22:19pm
psm
wrote:
thank you so
much
psm-
you're welcome and I hope it is helpful
:d
please keep us posted and have a happy
holiday
q
|
piecekeeper2502
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 15 Location: pa
Posted: 12-24-03 14:40pm
Hello,
i noted in your story you were on
medication for depression and anxiety for
about a year before they took you off your
medication. Can I ask you what type of
medication you were on?
I noted you had another bout of depression
and went back on the medication. The
medication made you better. My question
is how did you feel when you were taken
off the medication? After you started
the medication, how long did it take till
it worked again?
A lot of questions I know, but my doctor
has had me on my medication since my bout
with severe depression. I learned bouts
of depression keep coming back, certain
things can trigger them. When you stay
on the medication, you can handle the
bouts much easier. My doctor feels its
sort of a way of life. I don't like it,
but what other choice do I have?
As a man I don't have the children problem
you have. I did have the same feelings
you had, no interest in anything,
hopeless, fear, couldn't concentrate, fear
of leaving the house, fear of going around
people and holding my job was tough
because I had to hide a condition i'm sure
everyone could see through.
I remember one time my wife forced me to
go out of the house and I hid on the car
floor so I couldn't see where we were
going. When she went in to shop I stayed
lying on the car seat and when she didn't
come out as fast as I thought she should,
I went in the store looking for her.
I thought I was going crazy. My mind
would go in circles. I couldn't sleep so
I layed on the bedroom floor every night
and tossed and turned. I prayed over and
over and I read the bible. I truly felt
my wife would have to commit me. I
wanted to die.
After three months my medication kicked
in. I slowly started eating, I slowly
started going out and I slowly pulled out
of the depression without counciling.
Family doctors like to give medication but
certain health plans don't want you to get
counseling.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Maybe you'll have to continue some form
of medication for depression. I hate
taking it because I feel everyone will say
how weak I am. But, what choice.
Your husband has been a wonderful support
tool for you. My wife was mine.
Without them what would we do?
People who don't understand depression
will tell you to just to knock it off.
My wife kept telling me to pull out of it.
You know how hard that is.
Believe me, it does get better, but the
meds do help, truly they do. I'm
currently on effexor xr. Even your job
will go better if you have some type of
help. For my anxiety I take a nerve
pill. Zanex. Hate that as well but I
feel normal when the pill kicks in.
All we want is to live normal.
Good luck, merry christmas from one who
understands.
|
purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003 Posts: 1420 Location: Sydney
Posted: 12-25-03 06:56am
I've had a life with lots of downs &
few ups so have suffered depression,
anxiety, stress etc for over 40 years. My
daughter was born when I was 33 after 2
miscarriages I was so scared of
losing/hurting her I know what you mean by
paranoid, but after losing 2 more plus my
sons twin I had him when almost 40 & I
was even worse but then so was my general
health (i'm now basically lightly
disabled). I was working until he was
almost 2 at which time I was medically
retired.
I'm lucky I was never as bad as you but I
also had (& have) people who say "just
get over it" or "don't be so ridiculous"
when i'm down or can't/don't do something
because of depression. You have to be
firm, or get your husband to be firm for
you with your mother & his, if they
won't/can't help then they need to be told
to butt out & not make things worse.
Like a couple of the others I wonder why
since you keep having the same problem
you're not being left on medication?
Personally I have never found any meds
that help me but more natural therapies
have. You could try natural therapies but
still be on meds so long as you tell your
dr what you're taking/doing.
I also agree you must tell your husband
how much you appreciate his support &
let him know that you are actively seeking
help (here for a start) so that he knows
you'er trying to get better & that
will give him hope etc.
You do have to learn to care for your baby
but first you need to care for you, but
sometimes the two can go together, like
for example could you start with a small
step & put the baby in his pram &
take him for a short walk, say once a
week, when your husband is home & you
both know he'll come & get you if
you'er not back in 15-20 minutes?
Something like that, little with support
at hand but good for you both.
A couple of things you might look into are
5htp (supplement of tryptophan which
reduces stress chemicals in the brain)
dhea (another supplement which has many
benefits & is worth checking out &
finally a site which i've found useful
for medical info (they sell stuff but you
don't have to buy you can just get the
information) the life extension foundation
www.Lef.Org
as to work, I understand the financial
need to work & the fears & guilt
etc
of not being able to, but your husband
& son & you will be better off if
you get better then return to work rather
than returning to work too soon &
having to keep leaving. Take your time
& heel. If you had a broken leg you
would, so think of this like having a bit
of you broken that needs time to mend.
I bet those photos are adorable (first
santa photos?) & I pray you will have
a wonderful christmas & new year.
Life will be better again & your son
won't suffer from this because he won't
remember it & by the time he can
remember things you'll be fine.
|
PSM
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Dec 2003 Posts: 10
Depression Posted: 01-19-04 16:05pm
Thanks to all who have replied. I am
sorry it has taken me so long to get back
to you but I have been struggling and I am
back at work and I am starting to adjust
better now.
To answer everyones question about
medicine and why they took me off, the
only time I was taken off medicine was in
1998 after I had taken it for a year and
it was only my first bout with depression.
Since 1998 I have been on medicine and
never taken off again. They just had to
switch my medicine when I became pregnant
from celexa to zoloft as celexa hasn't
been approved for pregnancy and zoloft
has. I have taken zoloft before so it is
no big deal, so, when I got the depression
back after the baby, I was taking
medicine.
I am currently on effexor xr and an
anexity medicine which I forget what it is
called.
I am doing a lot better then I was but I
still have my moments and it is still hard
adjusting to a baby, working etc. I feel
I have no time for anything and that is
what I am struggling with now. And when
I do have time I am either tired or feel
it is too much work to have to pack up the
baby and go. But I am trying and doing
what I need to do. I am working full
time etc.
Thanks every one for your replies and for
listening.
|
PSM
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Dec 2003 Posts: 10
Depression Posted: 01-19-04 16:05pm
Thanks to all who have replied. I am
sorry it has taken me so long to get back
to you but I have been struggling and I am
back at work and I am starting to adjust
better now.
To answer everyones question about
medicine and why they took me off, the
only time I was taken off medicine was in
1998 after I had taken it for a year and
it was only my first bout with depression.
Since 1998 I have been on medicine and
never taken off again. They just had to
switch my medicine when I became pregnant
from celexa to zoloft as celexa hasn't
been approved for pregnancy and zoloft
has. I have taken zoloft before so it is
no big deal, so, when I got the depression
back after the baby, I was taking
medicine.
I am currently on effexor xr and an
anexity medicine which I forget what it is
called.
I am doing a lot better then I was but I
still have my moments and it is still hard
adjusting to a baby, working etc. I feel
I have no time for anything and that is
what I am struggling with now. And when
I do have time I am either tired or feel
it is too much work to have to pack up the
baby and go. But I am trying and doing
what I need to do. I am working full
time etc.
Thanks every one for your replies and for
listening.
|
qt3
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2003 Posts: 264
Good to Hear From You! Posted: 01-22-04 02:17am
Thanks for the update hope you continue to
feel better.
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