Just Need to Vent Some Thoughts... And Ask For Help Posted: 11-07-05 01:55am
Ok so recently my husband came home from
jail, and my birth control had not kicked
in yet, so I am now pregnant again. I
already have three planned children, and
have gone through a total of 7 planned
pregnancys, I have had 4 miscarriages. I
am 25, and my kids are 7, 4, and 1. They
were obviously all difficult pregnancys
that I worked very hard through. The last
one I ended up with gestational diabetes,
and I have chronic hypertension. I am
terrified of going through this again.
Especially since we have decided for my
husband to go to a 2 yr rehabilitation
program. I feel like I am already raising
these three on my own, and I honestly dont
think I could handle 4 kids. My health is
already deteriorating, and I have such a
great risk of losing this baby already, I
just dont know what to do. I mean I could
chance going through with this, and then
lose it, and devistate my kids, or I could
terminate it, and only I would be hurt.
Of course I dont believe in abortions as
an alternative to birth control, but I am
glad that women who have health risks of
some sort have this option. I just dont
know if its for me. I dont have much
longer to figure it out either, and I have
no one to help talk me through this. I am
around 10 weeks I think. Please if any
caring ear can talk me through I would
appreciate it very much. :?:
|
Izzy
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 883 Location: Earth
Posted: 11-07-05 12:46pm
Well we are in a bit of a pickle arnt
we!
I dont know what to suggest, it is obvious
your very responsible, very ethical and
very loving - but most of all there is a
obvious increase in health risks.
I think its going to be a very hard choice
but here is my two cents worth from what I
would do.
Having three kids already, that I found
hard to cope with keeping the child would
be, unlikely
believing abortion to be wrong not only
for myself but for the child too, abortion
would be out of the question
so I would have to give birth unless the
health risk seriously threatend my life,
then I would have to reassess the
situation again but so far I am giving
birth and bravely giving my child to a
loving couple who I would choose to raise
my child as their own - adoption maybe
hard but I think it maybe the best option
all round, for you and your husband at
this difficult time, the child and the
childless couple... Thats how I would be
thinking anyway.
Btw - congratulations on your husbands
release, I will pray the rehabilitation
works and your never seperated again.
God bless
izzy
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 11-07-05 16:43pm
Hi deedee! I sure hope your hubby maakes
it thru o.K. Now because it does sound
like you need a helping hand! These
people that say you are killing a child or
a baby in regards to having an abotion
sure like to try to put you on a guilt
trip, as all you are doing is terminating
a pregnancy, but let them feel the way
they want, they are not going thru what
you or someone else is going thru,
therefore you must do what you feel is the
right thing to do.
|
Tazzy D
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 30 Oct 2004 Posts: 3718 Location: , va
Posted: 11-07-05 16:53pm
Hi.. Im 29 with 6 children, and I do know
what you are going through. It is very
hard this day in age to raise children and
esp. By yourself.. I hope that you make
the best decision that's right for you. I
went through alot as well with my preg.
But the one good thing is that not all of
the preg. Are alike just like the
children. What do you want? Do you want
to have this baby? You sound like to me
that you dont really want to have an
abortion? Have you spoken to your doc
about this and what have he/she
recommended to you? Once I hear back from
you I will give you my advice..
|
jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Re: Just Need to Vent Some Thoughts... And Ask For Help Posted: 11-07-05 19:56pm
deedee102901
wrote:
ok so recently my husband
came home from jail, and my birth control
had not kicked in yet, so I am now
pregnant again. I already have three
planned children, and have gone through a
total of 7 planned pregnancys, I have had
4 miscarriages. I am 25, and my kids are
7, 4, and 1. They were obviously all
difficult pregnancys that I worked very
hard through. The last one I ended up
with gestational diabetes, and I have
chronic hypertension. I am terrified of
going through this
again.
which is
understandable. As someone who has had
an ectopic pregnancy, the thought of
becomming pregnant again terrifies me to
no end because I am always afraid that it
will be another ectopic. Luckily,
though, my husband and I have been
actively preventing pregnancy until we are
ready.
Every pregnancy is different and there is
no garauntee that this one will be as
problematic as the last. The chance does
exist for all of us that we will develop
problems. What has your doctor told you
on the matter?
Quote:
especially
since we have decided for my husband to go
to a 2 yr rehabilitation program. I feel
like I am already raising these three on
my own, and I honestly dont think I could
handle 4 kids. My health is already
deteriorating, and I have such a great
risk of losing this baby already, I just
dont know what to do. I mean I could
chance going through with this, and then
lose it, and devistate my kids, or I could
terminate it, and only I would be hurt.
Of course I dont believe in abortions as
an alternative to birth control, but I am
glad that women who have health risks of
some sort have this option. I just dont
know if its for
me.
the only person who can
make this decision is you and you alone.
I wish that I had something to say that
could make the decision easier for you but
I don't. In the end, whether you remain
pregnant or not is up to you. Can you be
pregnant again? How will this pregnancy
affect your body? How will this
pregnancy affect your relationships? How
will this pregnancy affect your life?
Every woman who has ever been pregnant has
had to decide the answers for herself.
Quote:
I dont have
much longer to figure it out either, and I
have no one to help talk me through this.
I am around 10 weeks I think. Please if
any caring ear can talk me through I would
appreciate it very much.
:?:
you should see your
doctor as soon as possible and they will
be able to pin point more directly how far
along you are. A good doctor will also
give you information as to the choices
available to you without pushing an
agenda. A pregnant woman has two
choices: to remain pregnant or not. Your
health concerns should also be raised to
your doctor so that they can advise you
what they think your body can handle.
Whatever you decide to do, I support your
decision. Even though you think you
don't have much time, think about this
thoroughly and if need be, there are
places where you can go to receive
unbiased counseling. The clinic that I
work for has counselors on staff who are
more concerned for your personal health,
life, and well being than they are for any
sort of agenda. If a planned parenthood
near you does not employ similar
counselors, they will most likely have the
information of someone in your area who
can help.
Peace,
jenn
|
jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Posted: 11-08-05 00:59am
jlee77
wrote:
you can do this.
you aren't her, you
don't know what problems she is facing,
and you don't know how this will affect
her body. Since you are not her, you
cannot know what she can or cannot do with
her body. She has already posted that
the risk of losing this pregnancy has
already asserted itself.
Quote:
if this
pregnancy is not likely to cause your
death, you can do
this.
again, something else
you cannot know because you are not her.
Even pregnancies that are not likely to
cause actual death, can still cause major
damage to her body. Since it is her
body, not yours, only she can decide if
she wants to take that risk or not.
Also, this pregnancy is not the only thing
that she has to think about. She also
has other children to consider.
In the end .Deedee, the decision is yours
because this is your body and no one else
can tell you what to do with your own
body. Best of luck.
Peace,
jenn
|
deedee102901
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 2 Location: cali
Posted: 11-08-05 02:56am
Thank you all for your responses. Just to
clear up a few things, besides the main
health problems I mentioned (hypertension,
and what is now type 2 diabetes) the
reason I have had four miscarriages, is
because of problems with my cervix. The
scariest miscarriage I had I was 19 weeks
along, and I went through the labor and
delivered a disceased fetus. It had died
2 weeks prior. I lost so much blood, I
barely made it. As the baby gets heavier
on my cervix, it ends up putting me in
labor. The other 3 were also after the
safety zone (12 weeks) at that time I had
one child already. I am under a docotrs
care, the same doctor ive had for all my
pregnancys, he has explained to me the
obvious... Each pregnancy is riskier and
more dangerous for myself and the baby. I
am already being ordered to bed rest. He
cannot recomend or suggest termination
because of clinic policies, but he has
insinuated towards it. I really cant do
this. I have 3 kids that need me, I need
to be there for them. I have no help to
take care of them if I go through with
this. And not to mention I mentally cant
handle 4 kids, I am barely sane with my 3.
|
Tazzy D
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 30 Oct 2004 Posts: 3718 Location: , va
Posted: 11-08-05 09:26am
deedee102901
wrote:
thank you all for your
responses. Just to clear up a few
things, besides the main health problems I
mentioned (hypertension, and what is now
type 2 diabetes) the reason I have had
four miscarriages, is because of problems
with my cervix. The scariest miscarriage
I had I was 19 weeks along, and I went
through the labor and delivered a
disceased fetus. It had died 2 weeks
prior. I lost so much blood, I barely
made it. As the baby gets heavier on my
cervix, it ends up putting me in labor.
The other 3 were also after the safety
zone (12 weeks) at that time I had one
child already. I am under a docotrs
care, the same doctor ive had for all my
pregnancys, he has explained to me the
obvious... Each pregnancy is riskier and
more dangerous for myself and the baby.
I am already being ordered to bed rest.
He cannot recomend or suggest termination
because of clinic policies, but he has
insinuated towards it. I really cant do
this. I have 3 kids that need me, I need
to be there for them. I have no help to
take care of them if I go through with
this. And not to mention I mentally cant
handle 4 kids, I am barely sane with my
3.
once again you have to do what is right
for you and your family....You have to be
the one to handle everything not any of us
on here hun.. If you need to talk im here
for you
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 11-08-05 12:42pm
deedee102901
wrote:
thank you all for your
responses. Just to clear up a few
things, besides the main health problems I
mentioned (hypertension, and what is now
type 2 diabetes) the reason I have had
four miscarriages, is because of problems
with my cervix. The scariest miscarriage
I had I was 19 weeks along, and I went
through the labor and delivered a
disceased fetus. It had died 2 weeks
prior. I lost so much blood, I barely
made it. As the baby gets heavier on my
cervix, it ends up putting me in labor.
The other 3 were also after the safety
zone (12 weeks) at that time I had one
child already. I am under a docotrs
care, the same doctor ive had for all my
pregnancys, he has explained to me the
obvious... Each pregnancy is riskier and
more dangerous for myself and the baby.
I am already being ordered to bed rest.
He cannot recomend or suggest termination
because of clinic policies, but he has
insinuated towards it. I really cant do
this. I have 3 kids that need me, I need
to be there for them. I have no help to
take care of them if I go through with
this. And not to mention I mentally cant
handle 4 kids, I am barely sane with my
3.
you must consider these risks to your
health very seriously, and the wellbeing
of your family. They need you, the family
that you already have. I believe that you
should do what will allow you to care for
the family you have, the family that is
there for you. If you won't be able to
cre for when while in bed rest with a
high-risk pregnancy, then... Perhaps you
should get an abortion? You do already
have 3 lovly children.
|
jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Posted: 11-09-05 16:02pm
deedee102901
wrote:
thank you all for your
responses. Just to clear up a few
things, besides the main health problems I
mentioned (hypertension, and what is now
type 2 diabetes) the reason I have had
four miscarriages, is because of problems
with my cervix. The scariest miscarriage
I had I was 19 weeks along, and I went
through the labor and delivered a
disceased fetus. It had died 2 weeks
prior. I lost so much blood, I barely
made it. As the baby gets heavier on my
cervix, it ends up putting me in labor.
The other 3 were also after the safety
zone (12 weeks) at that time I had one
child already. I am under a docotrs
care, the same doctor ive had for all my
pregnancys, he has explained to me the
obvious... Each pregnancy is riskier and
more dangerous for myself and the baby.
I am already being ordered to bed rest.
He cannot recomend or suggest termination
because of clinic policies, but he has
insinuated towards it. I really cant do
this. I have 3 kids that need me, I need
to be there for them. I have no help to
take care of them if I go through with
this. And not to mention I mentally cant
handle 4 kids, I am barely sane with my
3.
if you decide to obtain
an abortion, you should notify your doctor
as soon as possible. He can then tell
you step by step what the procedure will
entail and what you are likely to expect
after it is over. I am so sorry that you
are in this situation. I am sorry that
any of us ever has to be in this
situation. I know it is not an easy
decision to make. Keep us posted on how
you are doing and how you are feeling and
let us know if there's anything we can do.
Peace, love, and support,
jenn
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Deedee Posted: 11-09-05 17:13pm
I totally agree with jennsmithson and I
wish I was their to help you!
The very best to you and your children!
I do hope you are alright and I am sure
you will be! Please feel free to post to
us anytime!
