I was recently diagnosed with
co-dependency. I was wondering if anyone
else has this condition or is
recovering/recovered from it? Any advice
would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
casey
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bitsy690
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jan 2006 Posts: 43 Location: Illinois
Posted: 02-06-06 18:01pm
I was diagnosed as co dependent when I was
like 16 and I think I still am. I never
really got help for it. I think that it
has definately made me make some terrible
decisions in my life. I'm hoping I will
grow out of it one day...But it hasn't
happened yet...I'm 22 now.
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awu10
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2008 Posts: 1
Posted: 01-18-08 14:08pm
How do you diagnose with codependency
problem? I read several books about
codependency right now. I definitely has
this problem. My marriage is on the edge
due to this problem. I have to change
myself. Nobody can help you except
yourself.
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dcmarriagecounselor
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Posts: 1
Confusion about Codependency Posted: 01-27-08 11:44am
I avoid using the label of co-dependent
because I have learned that it tends not
to help unless the goal is to get one
partner to take more than a fair share of
responsibility for the relationship. This
can be dangerous for the relationship,
even though is is "good" for the
individual. I find that any problem with
one is a problem for both. Shifting to
this perspective is the best path I have
found to make changes in a relationship
and still keep the relationship intact.
In addition, it's important to understand
what is really going on when someone acts,
thinks, or looks "codependent." It may
help to know that every relationship
naturally exhibits a need for the other
partner a certain way in order for them to
feel loved, accepted, happy, etc. The
modern label of "codependent" is
unfortunately used as an indicator of an
unhealthy relationship. By this standard,
every couple I work with, including my
wife and I, are unnecessarily
pathologized. A better and more productive
approach is to realize that it is not so
much the presence of a codependent tension
that is the problem, but being unconscious
of it is.
To be conscious about the size and shape
of your "need" for your partner is to be
aware of your own leftover unmet needs
from childhood (or from other significant
relationships) and convey them to your
partner in such a way that he/she can
constructively respond. A relationship in
which both partners (A) accept that this
is natural, (B) talk about how their
relationship can be a catylist for healing
those unmet needs and (C) stretch for the
other to accomodate rather than provoke
areas of previous injury, is the most
beautiful kind of codependency that I
know.
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katnip
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 May 2008 Posts: 1
codependency Posted: 05-19-08 19:00pm
i agree with dcmarriagecounselor that most
of the planet is somewhat codependent.
there are weekly 12 step codependents
anonymous worldwide and if you google
codependents anonymous you can find a
meeting close to your neighbourhood. The
meetings consist of reading the patterns
and characteristics, the 12 steps and 12
promises, then a period of sharing where
you can share your feelings, experiences
and in turn hear other's stories. You
might find that you will be able to relate
to a lot of other people's stories.I have
found them very helpful as they offer a
form of support, a place where you will
not be judged and where you'll probably
realize that no! you're not crazy, and
there are steps you can take to recover.
Good Luck!
