Need Advice From Someone (pref. 20+)

I was 17 when I was pregnant with my first. I also didnt tell anyone I was pregnant intil I was 5 mo. But I eventually I did tell my parents and they weren't mad they were dissapointed. I also lived ina small town and my parents were known by everyone and leaders in the church-so believe me I know what you are going through. Im glad I told them because they helped me with getting on medicaid so they nor me had to pay for anything wich was wonderful!! Im glad that I went to the doc because I formed a dangerous condition during the last month of my pregnancy. I had got pre-eclampsia I swelled up huge and my blood pressure went so high that they had to put me in the hospital and on medication for me not to go into seizures. They induced my labor with pitocin b/c the only way to get rid of pre-eclampsia is to have the baby. And with out meds to help with my blood pressure my heart could have failed and could have ended the life of me nd the baby. Also when I was in labor since it was my first pregnancy my pelvis was too small for the baby to come out so I had to have a c-section. What im saying is tell your parents and I know they will help you. Im not trying to scare you with my story but I just want you to know what can really happen. I have 2 wonderful little boys but I have also miscarried because I waited to get medical help and that's unthinkable and unimaginable pain. So please please please get help for you and your baby. If you you decide you dont want anyone to know, get help for you and your baby first. There are safe houses for you to go to for the remainder of your pregnancy and they will help you with your pregnancy and labor and delivery, & if you decide you want to give you baby up for adoption. But first I think you should tell you parents and ask what you should do. Tell them about the options i've mentioned. They will be happy you're being honest and being adult about the situation. When my 1st finally came my family was so happy and they've never been ashamed of me.
My email is rherhecg 1@yahoo.Com please email me if you need help finding ways to help you in your pregnancy. Best wishes to you"future mommy"ill be praying for you

My name is hollie & I am 25yrs & I am married with three children. I found out that I was pregnant with my first child when I just turned seventeen. I was still in high school. Things were very scarey, but they all worked out in the end. You need to tell either your mother or father asap -no matter what. It is very important that you seek medical attention. I am in a hurry @ this minute but I will write back soon (later today). If you want I will give you my phone # (i have unlimited long distance) & then we can talk. If not, that's okay too. Hope to hear from you. Good luck - hollie

How are things ariellagrimm? Any luck with telling mom or dad? Please keep us posted. My thoughts are with you:)
hollie

Hi there ariella,
i am letting you know that there is help out there for you. My best friend got pregnant when she was just your age. Her son is now 15 years old and speaks two languages. She made it. I understand that your parents may not understand, but there is an alternative for the other people in town not knowing. Its not like you can have an abortion either, b/c you are very far along. I would suggest telling the parent you are closest too first. Then, you guys can decide on what to do next. B/c you are a minor your parents have the say. However, so does the biological father of this unborn child. Are your unborn childs' paternal grandparents nice folks. You could go to a pastoral person in a church as well and have them sit down with you and your folks to help ease things out. You may also choose homeschooling once your parents find out. Then you can suggest to your parents having the child born in the next biggest hospital near you. You could do all of these things. I would suggest talking w/ the pastoral person first. They are very understanding, even a youth worker too. There is hope, just believe in it. Plus, there are a lot of people out there not able to have children that would gladly adopt. My husband and I can not have children of our own, we are planning to adopt. So I hope what I have said here can help you. Take care, I look forward in listening to you in the future. As are all of us!
Renee

Hello guys. First of all, thank you for all the advice and help you've given me. As of right now, I haven't talked to my parents yet and don't plan to do so for a little longer. I'm going to wait until I find out for sure that everything is okay with my baby and then we'll see from there. Although one of the other girls I met here suggested against it, I think that what i'm going to do is talk to my youth pastor before going to my parents. My dad is the senior pastor at my church so the youth pastor and I are pretty close buds. In many of my tough life decisions, I go to him first and he helps me talk to my parents. Last year I had to face my 3 year problem with self-harm and he helped me talk to my parents about that, so i'm hoping that he can help me with this too. I need to let this settle in for a few weeks, but i'm hoping that soon i'll have the courage I need to talk to him and in turn, talk to my parents. I'm still planning to go to the clinic on saturday morning and make sure that my baby is healthy. I'll let you know how that goes. Once this is out of the way, my next task will be to get the courage to talk to someone about it, so when I get back from the clinic, i'll certainly need help deciding what to say and things like that. You've all been so kind to me through the past few days. Thank you so much. I'm sad that I couldn't have had this kind of support throughout my whole pregnancy.

I think going to your youth pastor is a wonderful idea the best person to talk to is god the best of luck honey my prayers are with you xoxo god bless

jessica

Hi, I think the best thing is to talk with your youth pastor. When I was younger that is what I did. You really have to talk to someone you know. Trust me it helps so much when you have someone you can share these things with. Since you are 16 your doctor or hospital doesn't have to inform your parents of anything that they see you about. You can even have the baby in a hospital and they wont tell your family. I am strongly against you giving birth on your own. That is so dangerous. You have to be in a hospital or at least with people who know what they are doing. At planned parenthood they can also help with putting the baby up for adoption. I went there with my first baby and that is one of the things that they will go over with you. You may not want to tell your parents and truely that is your decision but you do need to talk to someone. Trust me you may be okay with it now but later in life it can come back to bite you in the butt. And sometimes that can be even harder to deal with than facing it all now. You are grown up enough to get your self into this situation and it is time to be grown up enough to face this situation. What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. You can't think of how your parents will react or the town. When your life is at risk and the life of another you have to put that first. What is done is done and no one can change that. I have done so many stupid things in my life and I am just telling you now what I wish I had listened to to begin with. Your parents reputation is not worth you losing your life or the babies life. As a pastor your dad will know not everyone is perfect and that you are still his daughter no matter what you do. It can hurt them more to find out later that you didn't trust them enough for you to go to them in your time of need. Just please talk to your youth pastor first, he has the guidence of god and the two of them can help you so much. Please talk to me anytime you need someone. Talking sometimes can be the best help. May god be with you and your little one.
Lindsay
but_ r_fly8091@yahoo.Com
i am 34 weeks pregnant right now and I am home all the time so I will always be available to talk with you.

Hi ariellagrimm,
i am new here and am 22. I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you. I know how hard it is to have something to tell your parents and know that they will take it hard. Please feel free to email me and talk anytime hisgi rl777@hotmail.Com
i think that talking to your youth pastor is a great idea. I will be praying for you and your little one as well as your parents, god can soften their hearts. God bless

ps please feel free to contact me via email or private message I hate that you are dealing with this all alone. The one thing I learned durning my first pregnancy was how hard pregnancy can be at all without adding to the mix doing it alone and the stress of the "what ifs".

Hey everyone. I just posted this on the other board but I know that people here are worried about stuff too, so I thought i'd give you the summary from today as well. Be prepared for the longest post of your life. I left this morning at 6:30am for the clinic. The appointment was terrifying but good. They said I was just past 25-26 weeks pregnant but my baby and I are both underweight. And they did ultrasounds and stuff and they said that my baby is a girl. I was completely amazed. She looks so pretty. The nurses and doctors were really nice to me. I was so scared and I cried most of the time I was in there, but they were really caring and gentle with me. When I got done at the clinic, I drove the hour and 15 minutes home and I went straight to the church to talk to my youth pastor. I'm glad I did too because if I had gone home first, I would have been to scared to get back in the car and go talk to him. I went into his office and told him that we needed to talk. I told him everything and we both cried for a really long time. He said that he felt bad because no one picked up on it sooner. We talked about the baby and the pregnancy so far and started talking about what I wanted to do as far as keeping her or not. I told him that I really wanted to keep her, but it was really up to my parents. We talked for 3 hours at the church and he took me back to his house for dinner. I talked to his wife who is almost 7 months pregnant now and we just put everything out in the open. We decided not to call my parents at that time. My youth pastor thought it best to wait until they got home from the retreat tomorrow evening and we could all have dinner together at his house again. They're letting me stay here with them tonight because they feel that i'm too emotional and unpredictable to be alone right now, based on my history of sh and sa. I'm really grateful to them for everything they've done and i'm grateful to you for all of your help. I couldn't have done this without you. I don't want to keep them up any longer, so i'm going to bed now. Feel free to comment or send me a message. I'll tell you tomorrow what happens with my parents. Goodnight, and thanks again for everything.

Thank you for the update im glad you and your baby girl are doing fine I am praying for you as well as your parents have a good weekend god bless

Hi....I am not sure what state or town that you live in but I know here in maryland that if you go to the health department they keep everything confidential. You could sign up for wic there and a medical card also they can set you up with a ob-gyn and also through the health department they can give you phone numbers to everyone that can possibly help you out..Emergency housing..As far as hud and food stamps, and also talk to you about either raising this baby on your own or even putting the child up for adoption..Also if you feel that you are too young to be a mother you can even meet with people who are looking to adopt and you even get to select who gets to actually adopt your child...There are so many things that you can do now days due to the fact of so many people needing assistance and the number of teens every year becoming pregnant. Again all of this by law is to be kept confidential. If your parents are high up in the town that you live and you are scared that someone from a medical stand point would inform your mother in on your pregnancy he/she could lose their job.

Ariella, I am so proud of you! I haven't been able to catch up on this forum until today. Reading your posts broke my heart. It was like going back in time 14 years for me. Let me tell you about myself.

I turned 30 in august. When I was 15 years old I got pregnant by my boyfriend of 3 years. Like you, I lived in a small town of less than 500 people. Everyone knew everyone else, and their business.

I did not even know I was pregnant until I was between 4 and 5 months along, when the baby starting moving. I was scared to death. What was I going to do? How was I going to tell my parents? What would people think of me now?

It was very very difficult, but I made my boyfriend come over, and we told my parents. It was not easy. I was scared and very much ashamed. It was very upsetting. They were angry. Not neccessarily angry at me, but at the situation and the disappointment. My dad even went as far as taking me to an abortion clinic, but I was too far along. I found out years later that my mother was secretly greatful and had prayed I couldn't get the abortion, because she had become used to the idea of being a grandma.

A few months passed and my parents calmed down. They began to accept the fact that I was having a baby, and began getting excited about being grandparents.

They were very supportive. I wouldn't have made it through without them. My boyfriend and I got married, but he became an alchoholic, physically and emotionally abused me. We were divorced my senior year. I moved back home again with my parents.

My mom watched the baby so I could finish high school, and then go on to start college. I started college right oout of high school, and graduated in 1999 as an elementary teacher.

My daughter will now be 14 in december. While it was very rough missing out on typical teenager events, and having to grow up into an adult so fast, I could not imagine my life without my daughter in it.

It wasn't easy, the things I went through. It will not be easy for you, either. However, you need to be strong and do what you feel is right for you. Not for anyone else. Not your parents, not your town. Only for you. You are the one who is going to have to live with whatever decision you make for the rest of your life. Just have faith that everything does work out how it is supposed to in the end. I have found over the years that while we may have many mountains to cross, later on down the road you look back and realize why you had to endure that stress. It makes you stronger.

Hi ariella,
i am glad that you spoke w/ your youth pastor. Plus his wife is a big help too being pregnant herself. You have so many options now. These people will be there for you, especially if your parents do not stand by you, and help you out. Make your feelings know too, when you discuss this w/ them. Its great that the clinic was able to let you know what you were having, up here in my city they don't allow that, people would have to drive 30 minutes to another city in our province just to find that out. I can't wait to hear the end result for you and your baby girl. I know my friend that had her son many moons ago is now a career woman herself. She may have had her child first, but we all do things in different stages! God doesn't give us nothing we can't handle. My friend had her baby then finished high school, (they have a daycare facility right on the high school grounds now they have for 16 years) b/c of teens having baby's and wanting to finish their schooling. Then she got her two year diploma program and is has been working in the medical field for some time. You can do it too, you can have a career just like my friend does. Some people get married the have a career, then a child. Or they have a career, then a child, then marriage. We all do it differently, its not important which order it is as long as we strive for better and make it the best positive outlook for ourselves. Hope this cheers you up a little. Have a great day. I look forward to your next post.

Talked to my parents tonight. They got home from the retreat at 5 and they came over to my youth pastor's house with me. We had dinner, talked for awhile, and then we went into the living room and sat down. I started crying, so I asked my youth pastor michael to tell them. He said I had to, so I just told them that I was 6 months pregnant and I didn't know what to do. My mom started crying and my dad came over and hugged me. I was so scared. But they weren't mad at all. They were scared too. They were sad that I had to go through all of that alone and they were really worried about my health. I told them about the clinic visit yesterday morning and they told me that in the morning they would set up another appointment at our local doctor's office. My parents aren't mad at me. They're just really sad and disappointed. Not just with me, but with themselves. They felt like it was their fault that I didn't go to them sooner. It's not though. I was just scared. So I feel really crummy right now. We talked for 4 hours at michael's house. We talked about my options and they asked me what I wanted to do. The only answer I could give them was that I wanted to keep my baby but I was willing to let them have the final say in the matter. To that, my dad replied, "then we keep her." i'm still not sure that this will be the best choice, but i'm going to give it some more time with my family and we'll see how I feel when i'm closer to the end of my pregnancy. We also discussed my health issues and figured out a good eating regimen to help me gain weight for the baby. My parents also agreed to call me out of school for the next 3 days just because we have family things to work out. They're going to let me stay with michael and his wife during this time because they feel like michael's wife can help me out a lot right now as she's going through exactly the same thing as I am. At the end of our chat, my mom said she was really proud of me for being so brave. I wish I could believe her. I don't feel brave at all. My dad put his hands on my stomach and felt the baby move and he prayed for us all when he left. I couldn't stop crying. I wish I could be as brave as my parents think I am. I've been crying for 5 hours straight and my whole body aches from the sadness I feel. Michael's wife held my hand through most of the chat. It was good to have her strength because without it, I would have crumbled to pieces. I need to go to bed now though. Tomorrow my family is coming back and we're going to talk about what to do with my school, peers, church, and youth group and discuss whether or not we tell them now or later. We also have to discuss the situation with the father and decide when and how to tell him. I'm scared of my life right now. I'm just glad that I have the support of everyone now. I wish I could have had that a long, long time ago.

I am so proud of you and yes you are very brave even if your scared im so glad you have kept us posted you are grown beond your years and I know you will be a wonderful mommy but the choice is yours on what you do I will still be praying for you and yours god bless and good luck
jessica

I am so proud of you! You are very brave! Take care of yourself and that beautiful little girl you are carrying. I will be praying for you and your family. God bless.

Hi ariella,
i am so proud of you! You are in my prayers and thoughts. I am glad that your parents are now supportive. Everything will work out for the best you will see. Keep us posted on the delivery of this little girl, whether or not you adopt her out or keep her as well. If you keep her you will have to let us all know what her name is! We are all thinking of you and that little blessing. God bless,
renee

Wether you believe it or not you are probably one of the bravest 16 yr olds I have ever heard of. I was reading through this and felt so bad for you. Then I got to your last post and I am sooooo happy for you. I hope all goes well with the father, but I want to give you one warning. Don't let his initial reaction tear you apart. He may not react that great. When I told my boyfriend (now husband) that I was pregnant with our first child (at the age of 18) his reaction was "your getting an abortion". But now we have 2 beautiful children together and are very happy. So like I said, give him alittle time to adjust to the news. Hopefully his parents won't push him to react badly. I hope it all works out for you and I will be watching to see your next post.
Good luck, and you are in my prayers.

Ps. I just had a little girl in april, if you need clothes or anything, I would be honored to have your little girl wear them. Lots of premie outfits, my little girl was very small. Please let me know. And hey, if you live close I would love to babysit :)

Please be careful about "hiding" your pregnancy. Do not wear girdles or tight clothes to conceal your bell, that is very harmful for the baby. I dont think there is anyway you will be able to hide your pregnancy until the end unless you are very overweight already.

And please get to a planned parent hood or similar agency in your area asap.

What is the worst that could happen if you told your parents??