More Info On My Situation Please Help Out Posted: 11-09-05 15:13pm
I am so, so, so, grateful for all the
responses from everybody.
Well I just want everybody to know and
understand that to me a child is the most
precious and important thing that can
happen in a persons life, I can only be
filled with great sorrow by realizing that
this is happening in my life by someone
who is lazy and has no ambition at all and
is actually using their own child for some
extra spending money. Even if I get full
custody of the child (if its mine) there
is no erasing this fact, and I wanted to
have kids with someone who I love one day
in the future, and not when I just turned
21. I continuously have the same thought
on my mind everyday and that is when in my
head I debate on telling the kid the truth
when its older. That you were created
because of someones greed. And to think
the first day I met her she was working in
the mall at a store called debs and I got
her # and she said "you are the one that's
going to meet my parents"
well I guess all I can do is wait to see
if its mine and I will get the suprise of
a lifetime this fri nov 11/05 because
thats when she is getting induced to have
the baby. So all I can do is wait for my
life to be over. If this girl wanted
money this bad honestly I would have given
her whatever she wanted because after this
my youth is gone and out the window, and
dismissed as yesterdays news, which now I
have no real freedom to have a life but
all I have is the biggest
obligation/responsibility in the world.
As far as the mother being deemed unfit
well I guess I will have to wait and see
how she treats the child, the only thing I
can say is that she will be living at home
with her parents and her dad is a
recovering cocaine/haronie/achol/ addict
who sometimes she wont even let me come
over the house because of him, this
usually always happens like once a month.
She will never tells me what happens (i
would be to embarressed) but one time she
had to because she said he was pushing her
mom up against the wall and then she
triend to help and he through her on the
bed and she said she kicked him in the
face. Thats all she has ever told me
about this guy and I have on been seeing
her for like 7 months when I was about to
end it, (remember this that things got
progressively strange the more I was
around these people) but she is supposed
to be going to school in jan (at some
local school) and she claims in 2 years
she will be trying to get a good job.
I only expect the worst from this girl if
I totally dont want to be with her, I can
already see it now. When we were not even
dating she said "i would never leave you
but you would have to leave me" but my my
how things have changed since she got
pregnant, first off when she told her mom
2 days after she said she found out, and
didnt even try to tell me first. But now
the statment totally changed as did her
whole attitude towards me. She said "if
you dont want to be with me that fine, and
her attitude was as such "like I run
things now and I can treat you like
whatever "
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nikki1
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Oct 2005 Posts: 29
Posted: 11-10-05 16:44pm
First I would like to tell you that yes
the mother has to be proven unfit, but
dont you think that having a baby in that
kind of enviorment that she will be living
in is very very unfit? You should try to
get he or she in your custody if it turns
out to be yours, in my opinion if she has
to live with them and all that is going on
then you should have custody
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hollie686
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Oct 2005 Posts: 195 Location: USA
Posted: 11-10-05 19:01pm
This situation needs to be looked @ very
carefully. I think the two of you should
sit down & talk like two responsible
adults - no matter how old you are. You
are both about to have a baby, & by no
means should that be taken lightly. If
you really think that the baby is not
yours, then just wait & see what the
paternity test says before making any
hasty decisions. This is a human being
about to come into this world & it is
not his/her fault for what is happening
between you & the mother. So just try
& be calm & await the test results
(i know this will be hard but you don't
have too much longer to go). I really
hope everything turns out okay. Please
keep us posted & know that we are here
to help you. Good luck:)
hollie
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tigresacanela24
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2005 Posts: 5261 Location: Treat your children well, eventually they'll choose your nursing home.
Unfit Parents Posted: 11-11-05 13:58pm
Now don't take this the wrong way, i'm
sure you're only speaking out of your
emotions right now. But the way that
you're making things sound, neither one of
you is actually fit to be a parent.
Being a responsible parent is not about
pointing fingers and actively stirring up
dissension. It is about doing what is
best for your child. If you're worried
about paternity issues, then have the
paternity test before you try taking the
child away. Tearing a mother down to her
baby is never a good thing to do.
Children tend to really really identify
themselves by their parents and accusing
your child's mother of wrongdoing is going
to make your child feel like a bad person,
trust me, I know that one. Kids
definitely blame themselves for a lot of
things that are not their fault. Your
attitude towards raising a child right now
isn't very helpful either. Your life
isn't over because you're having a child.
Children are very perceptive, if you feel
that way about your child your child will
know. You can do absolutely everything
you could do before, the only difference
is it takes a little bit more planning.
Want to go out with the guys, hire a
sitter. Vacation ask your mom to
babysit. Go for a jog, take baby with
you in the stroller. Does a woman's life
stop because she has children? No. It
takes more planning but your life is your
life. You can still live it with your
child. Some people actually feel better
about their lives with children in them.
Trust me most people get pregnant at a
point in their lives when they either
didn't want or felt that they weren't
ready for children. We all get over it.
Lives are not ruined. They are
enriched. And some final food for
thought, get mad at me if you want to for
these ones. For future reference if you
don't want to have children with someone,
you shouldn't sleep with them. I'm sure
you've heard that the only effective birth
control is abstinence. And this is the
last one, women change a lot when they're
going to have babies. A lot of the crap
that we put up with, when it's just us we
don't put up with anymore when we find out
it's us and baby. I don't take a lot of
my husband's crap now, I will not let it
affect my child. And it takes a lot of
money to raise a baby. Guys pay $150 a
month and accuse women of being gold
diggers. Here's a statistic for you,
diapers alone cost more than that a month
for baby. Forget about food, clothes,
medicine, daycare, personal care, etc.
Not so much money after all is it?
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hollie686
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Oct 2005 Posts: 195 Location: USA
Posted: 11-11-05 19:12pm
Well said.
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acoles70
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 191 Location: KY
Re: Unfit Parents Posted: 11-17-05 17:53pm
tigresacanela24
wrote:
now don't take this the
wrong way, i'm sure you're only speaking
out of your emotions right now. But the
way that you're making things sound,
neither one of you is actually fit to be a
parent. Being a responsible parent is
not about pointing fingers and actively
stirring up dissension. It is about
doing what is best for your child. If
you're worried about paternity issues,
then have the paternity test before you
try taking the child away. Tearing a
mother down to her baby is never a good
thing to do. Children tend to really
really identify themselves by their
parents and accusing your child's mother
of wrongdoing is going to make your child
feel like a bad person, trust me, I know
that one. Kids definitely blame
themselves for a lot of things that are
not their fault. Your attitude towards
raising a child right now isn't very
helpful either. Your life isn't over
because you're having a child. Children
are very perceptive, if you feel that way
about your child your child will know.
You can do absolutely everything you could
do before, the only difference is it takes
a little bit more planning. Want to go
out with the guys, hire a sitter.
Vacation ask your mom to babysit. Go
for a jog, take baby with you in the
stroller. Does a woman's life stop
because she has children? No. It
takes more planning but your life is your
life. You can still live it with your
child. Some people actually feel better
about their lives with children in them.
Trust me most people get pregnant at a
point in their lives when they either
didn't want or felt that they weren't
ready for children. We all get over it.
Lives are not ruined. They are
enriched. And some final food for
thought, get mad at me if you want to for
these ones. For future reference if you
don't want to have children with someone,
you shouldn't sleep with them. I'm sure
you've heard that the only effective birth
control is abstinence. And this is the
last one, women change a lot when they're
going to have babies. A lot of the crap
that we put up with, when it's just us we
don't put up with anymore when we find out
it's us and baby. I don't take a lot of
my husband's crap now, I will not let it
affect my child. And it takes a lot of
money to raise a baby. Guys pay $150 a
month and accuse women of being gold
diggers. Here's a statistic for you,
diapers alone cost more than that a month
for baby. Forget about food, clothes,
medicine, daycare, personal care, etc.
Not so much money after all is
it?
amen!!!! Do you know how much money it
takes to raise a child??? This is not
including patience, love, and overall
stability. I am with you on the $150 a
month. How can $150 a month even put a
dent in formula if she choses not to
breastfeed, diapers, daycare---cause she
is going to have to work, that $150 is not
going to put a roof over your baby's head,
electricity, water, phone....And the list
goes on and on. You are the type of
little boy that makes me thank the lord I
found a good man. Your needs need to
start coming second, you have a child on
the way. You need to get along with this
girl and stop putting her down. I bet
she could bash you just as bad. The most
important thing in a child's life is to
have two loving parents that are in
partnership with one another, whether they
are together or not. You and the mother
are what this child is going to be molded
from.....That scares me to death.
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tigresacanela24
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2005 Posts: 5261 Location: Treat your children well, eventually they'll choose your nursing home.
Posted: 11-18-05 08:33am
I couldn't help it, it just burns me up
sometimes the way some people blame
everyone else for the situations that they
find themselves in. They act as if they
were victimized and bulldozed into the
situation, some people really need to grow
up.
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feltchick
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Oct 2005 Posts: 38 Location: idaho
Posted: 11-19-05 18:33pm
I agree with the satement above mine.
Good lord, did you even use a condom?? I
would get that child away from any drug
scene, recovering or not! Be real,
adoption is a good idea. Not only that,
but you can recind your parental rights as
a father. My friend had her
schitzophrenic baby sperm donator's rights
removed. It took two attorney's, but it
was well worth the effort.
Just goes to show you shouldn't let any
chick spread her legs unless you are
married to her. Sorry, basic animals can
make babies. Humans should be more
elevated. Sometimes I wonder. Try
listening to doctor laura, she doers have
some good points.
