Pregnancy Forum - More Info On My Situation Please Help Out

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Q: More Info On My Situation Please Help Out

asked by: matthais321 on November 9th, 2005

New User

I am so, so, so, grateful for all the responses from everybody.

Well I just want everybody to know and understand that to me a child is the most precious and important thing that can happen in a persons life, I can only be filled with great sorrow by realizing that this is happening in my life by someone who is lazy and has no ambition at all and is actually using their own child for some extra spending money. Even if I get full custody of the child (if its mine) there is no erasing this fact, and I wanted to have kids with someone who I love one day in the future, and not when I just turned 21. I continuously have the same thought on my mind everyday and that is when in my head I debate on telling the kid the truth when its older. That you were created because of someones greed. And to think the first day I met her she was working in the mall at a store called debs and I got her # and she said "you are the one that's going to meet my parents"

well I guess all I can do is wait to see if its mine and I will get the suprise of a lifetime this fri nov 11/05 because thats when she is getting induced to have the baby. So all I can do is wait for my life to be over. If this girl wanted money this bad honestly I would have given her whatever she wanted because after this my youth is gone and out the window, and dismissed as yesterdays news, which now I have no real freedom to have a life but all I have is the biggest obligation/responsibility in the world.

As far as the mother being deemed unfit well I guess I will have to wait and see how she treats the child, the only thing I can say is that she will be living at home with her parents and her dad is a recovering cocaine/haronie/achol/ addict who sometimes she wont even let me come over the house because of him, this usually always happens like once a month. She will never tells me what happens (i would be to embarressed) but one time she had to because she said he was pushing her mom up against the wall and then she triend to help and he through her on the bed and she said she kicked him in the face. Thats all she has ever told me about this guy and I have on been seeing her for like 7 months when I was about to end it, (remember this that things got progressively strange the more I was around these people) but she is supposed to be going to school in jan (at some local school) and she claims in 2 years she will be trying to get a good job.

I only expect the worst from this girl if I totally dont want to be with her, I can already see it now. When we were not even dating she said "i would never leave you but you would have to leave me" but my my how things have changed since she got pregnant, first off when she told her mom 2 days after she said she found out, and didnt even try to tell me first. But now the statment totally changed as did her whole attitude towards me. She said "if you dont want to be with me that fine, and her attitude was as such "like I run things now and I can treat you like whatever "

Replies(7)

nikki1

replied on November 10th, 2005

New User

First I would like to tell you that yes the mother has to be proven unfit, but dont you think that having a baby in that kind of enviorment that she will be living in is very very unfit? You should try to get he or she in your custody if it turns out to be yours, in my opinion if she has to live with them and all that is going on then you should have custody

hollie686

replied on November 10th, 2005

Experienced User

This situation needs to be looked @ very carefully. I think the two of you should sit down & talk like two responsible adults - no matter how old you are. You are both about to have a baby, & by no means should that be taken lightly. If you really think that the baby is not yours, then just wait & see what the paternity test says before making any hasty decisions. This is a human being about to come into this world & it is not his/her fault for what is happening between you & the mother. So just try & be calm & await the test results (i know this will be hard but you don't have too much longer to go). I really hope everything turns out okay. Please keep us posted & know that we are here to help you. Good luck:)
hollie

tigresacanela24

replied on November 11th, 2005

Especially eHealthy

Unfit Parents

Now don't take this the wrong way, i'm sure you're only speaking out of your emotions right now. But the way that you're making things sound, neither one of you is actually fit to be a parent. Being a responsible parent is not about pointing fingers and actively stirring up dissension. It is about doing what is best for your child. If you're worried about paternity issues, then have the paternity test before you try taking the child away. Tearing a mother down to her baby is never a good thing to do. Children tend to really really identify themselves by their parents and accusing your child's mother of wrongdoing is going to make your child feel like a bad person, trust me, I know that one. Kids definitely blame themselves for a lot of things that are not their fault. Your attitude towards raising a child right now isn't very helpful either. Your life isn't over because you're having a child. Children are very perceptive, if you feel that way about your child your child will know. You can do absolutely everything you could do before, the only difference is it takes a little bit more planning. Want to go out with the guys, hire a sitter. Vacation ask your mom to babysit. Go for a jog, take baby with you in the stroller. Does a woman's life stop because she has children? No. It takes more planning but your life is your life. You can still live it with your child. Some people actually feel better about their lives with children in them. Trust me most people get pregnant at a point in their lives when they either didn't want or felt that they weren't ready for children. We all get over it. Lives are not ruined. They are enriched. And some final food for thought, get mad at me if you want to for these ones. For future reference if you don't want to have children with someone, you shouldn't sleep with them. I'm sure you've heard that the only effective birth control is abstinence. And this is the last one, women change a lot when they're going to have babies. A lot of the crap that we put up with, when it's just us we don't put up with anymore when we find out it's us and baby. I don't take a lot of my husband's crap now, I will not let it affect my child. And it takes a lot of money to raise a baby. Guys pay $150 a month and accuse women of being gold diggers. Here's a statistic for you, diapers alone cost more than that a month for baby. Forget about food, clothes, medicine, daycare, personal care, etc. Not so much money after all is it?

hollie686

replied on November 11th, 2005

Experienced User

Well said.

acoles70

replied on November 17th, 2005

Experienced User

Re: Unfit Parents

tigresacanela24 wrote:

now don't take this the wrong way, i'm sure you're only speaking out of your emotions right now. But the way that you're making things sound, neither one of you is actually fit to be a parent. Being a responsible parent is not about pointing fingers and actively stirring up dissension. It is about doing what is best for your child. If you're worried about paternity issues, then have the paternity test before you try taking the child away. Tearing a mother down to her baby is never a good thing to do. Children tend to really really identify themselves by their parents and accusing your child's mother of wrongdoing is going to make your child feel like a bad person, trust me, I know that one. Kids definitely blame themselves for a lot of things that are not their fault. Your attitude towards raising a child right now isn't very helpful either. Your life isn't over because you're having a child. Children are very perceptive, if you feel that way about your child your child will know. You can do absolutely everything you could do before, the only difference is it takes a little bit more planning. Want to go out with the guys, hire a sitter. Vacation ask your mom to babysit. Go for a jog, take baby with you in the stroller. Does a woman's life stop because she has children? No. It takes more planning but your life is your life. You can still live it with your child. Some people actually feel better about their lives with children in them. Trust me most people get pregnant at a point in their lives when they either didn't want or felt that they weren't ready for children. We all get over it. Lives are not ruined. They are enriched. And some final food for thought, get mad at me if you want to for these ones. For future reference if you don't want to have children with someone, you shouldn't sleep with them. I'm sure you've heard that the only effective birth control is abstinence. And this is the last one, women change a lot when they're going to have babies. A lot of the crap that we put up with, when it's just us we don't put up with anymore when we find out it's us and baby. I don't take a lot of my husband's crap now, I will not let it affect my child. And it takes a lot of money to raise a baby. Guys pay $150 a month and accuse women of being gold diggers. Here's a statistic for you, diapers alone cost more than that a month for baby. Forget about food, clothes, medicine, daycare, personal care, etc. Not so much money after all is it?

amen!!!! Do you know how much money it takes to raise a child??? This is not including patience, love, and overall stability. I am with you on the $150 a month. How can $150 a month even put a dent in formula if she choses not to breastfeed, diapers, daycare---cause she is going to have to work, that $150 is not going to put a roof over your baby's head, electricity, water, phone....And the list goes on and on. You are the type of little boy that makes me thank the lord I found a good man. Your needs need to start coming second, you have a child on the way. You need to get along with this girl and stop putting her down. I bet she could bash you just as bad. The most important thing in a child's life is to have two loving parents that are in partnership with one another, whether they are together or not. You and the mother are what this child is going to be molded from.....That scares me to death.

tigresacanela24

replied on November 18th, 2005

Especially eHealthy

I couldn't help it, it just burns me up sometimes the way some people blame everyone else for the situations that they find themselves in. They act as if they were victimized and bulldozed into the situation, some people really need to grow up.

feltchick

replied on November 19th, 2005

New User

I agree with the satement above mine. Good lord, did you even use a condom?? I would get that child away from any drug scene, recovering or not! Be real, adoption is a good idea. Not only that, but you can recind your parental rights as a father. My friend had her schitzophrenic baby sperm donator's rights removed. It took two attorney's, but it was well worth the effort.

Just goes to show you shouldn't let any chick spread her legs unless you are married to her. Sorry, basic animals can make babies. Humans should be more elevated. Sometimes I wonder. Try listening to doctor laura, she doers have some good points.

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