Joined: 03 Nov 2003 Posts: 89 Location: The Sunshine State
It Was Hard For Me to Accept... Posted: 12-10-03 23:04pm
I am 20 y/o. My uncle, who is twice my
age, is gay. See, he used to be married
to a woman, and has a 16 y/o son. My
father passed away when I was 10, so my
uncle has been my only real father figure
for a while. Well, when I was 13, a
friend of mine told me that my uncle was
gay. I was shocked, hurt, and scared to
talk to him. My grandmother took it very
hard. Now that I look back, it was like
he died or something. He did not talk to
me for awhile. I now know that was b/c he
was as scared as I was. His wife left,
and took my cousin with her. When I was
17 I got pregnant, and moved from my
boyfriends house to my uncles house. He
helped me a lot with my baby. When I was
19, he moved away. Now I am going on 21,
I am married and have another child. In
two weeks my uncle, and my cousin will be
coming home for the holidays. Although, I
am now totally ok with my uncles
preference, and we are as close as we used
to be, I have yet to tell him that I love
him, and that the fact that he is gay no
longer matters to me. He does not have a
partner, and sometimes I wonder if that is
b/c he does not think that we as a family
are ready. Should I tell him? How do I
tell him?
Thanks -marissa
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nikki_caro
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Aug 2003 Posts: 4922 Location: Right here at work!
Posted: 12-11-03 17:02pm
I dont think you need to come out and tell
him, but show him that you see him no
different. Just by your actions of being
as loving as you are will show him that
you love him no matter what. Good luck.
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Forum Girl
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Oct 2003 Posts: 207 Location: Orlando, Florida
Posted: 12-11-03 18:52pm
As someone who recently confessed to their
family about their sexual preference, I
can tell you that it is such a huge relief
to finally have it out in the open. I
think is great that you want to let your
uncle know that you still love him and
think he is wonderful. I think it shows
a lot of respect on his part that he isn't
bringing someone home because he is afraid
of making your family uncomfortable and I
think its so very caring on your part that
you want him to feel comfortable bringing
his significant other home to meet your
family. It sounds like there a great
amount of respect from both sides.
I think that if you want to discuss these
kinds of things with your uncle then you
should go for it but you have to be very
conscientious about how he reacts and not
push it if he looks uncomfortable. I
would catch him alone some time and ask
him if he is happy. Don't imply anything
like "are you happy being gay" or anything
like that, but just are you happy? If
things are still nice and comfortable ask
him if he has anyone in his life. If he
glosses over it with barely an answer then
let it go and just make sure he knows that
you care about him and you want him to
find happiness. If he goes into detail
then be enthusiastic and supportive.
Either way, just showing that you care and
are interested in his life and his
happiness will mean a lot. Who doesn't
want someone in their life that is
supportive and non-judgmental?
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Sara1023
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Nov 2003 Posts: 23 Location: orange county, CA
Posted: 12-11-03 19:20pm
Very well put floridagirl!!! Good luck
with everything marissa:)
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A-Lil'Mama*2
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Nov 2003 Posts: 89 Location: The Sunshine State
Thank You Everyone- Posted: 12-11-03 23:01pm
I guess that I will wait until I see him,
and see how open I feel about telling him.
Also, my husband sometimes says things,
then he thinks that it came out wrong,
then he tries to "cover up". It kind of
makes us all uncomfortable. He feels bad
about it, but my uncle usually does not
seem to notice. Do you think that when my
uncle goes home, that he thinks about it
and it hurts his feelings, or should we
not stress on silly things?
Thanks again,
marissa
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Aegis
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Dec 2003 Posts: 3
Posted: 12-15-03 10:01am
Don't worry about the small things. If
his feelings do get hurt by a comment that
could be misenterpreted, he'd better
toughen up, because the road ahead doesn't
get any easier. Lol, and tell your
husband to let those comments
pass...Covering up only exacerbates their
effect.
