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Miss_KellieAnne
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Sep 2005
Posts: 120
Location: Australia
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My Journal Entry
Posted: 11-14-05 14:44pm
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8pm monday 14th november
i'm sitting at home feeling half
hyperactive and half mixed up emotionally,
just hoping that my period doesn't come
next week.
Part of me is telling myself it's not
coming while the other part is saying 'i'm
not that lucky and I dont deserve to be
pregnant and happy again.
I've been thinking about what to do if I
am pregnant and i'm thinking of just
packing my bags and leaving paul (my
boyfriend) while he's away at the gym or
something, just so he cant harm my baby or
influence me to harm my baby either
i love paul so much but most of the time I
feel like I just want to end my life
because of all the fights and because I
want to be with sarah and lucy again.
I know if me and paul break up there would
be a million guys who would wantto settle
down with a baby with me, but he is the
man I want for the father of my baby, and
he is the one I want to grow old with.
How could I ever think of another man?
And how could he ever think I dont want
him and i'm sneaking around with other
men?
I wish he could just accept that I dont
care about his age, I love him and his age
and everything that comes along with
him!
(i'm 20 - paul's 40)
i just don't know what im gonna do if I
dont become pregnant again soon, I just
want another chance at being a mum.
I miss the emotions I felt when i'd get
sick and know its my baby making me ill,
and putting on a singlet and seeing my
tiny stomach popping out so early in the
pregnancy, the joy of swapping pregnancy
stories with my sisters (i'm the baby of
the family)
and most of all, the joy of feeling those
butterflies and knowing it was my baby
twin daughters saying hello and then
seeing them on the screen hiccupping and
playing with each other.
I hope and pray that paul will suddenly
turn to me and tell me he'd love nothing
more than to have a baby with me right
now, but I know that is never gonna
happen.
In the meantime I will just hope and pray
that a miracle will happen at the end of
the month, sinking into a depper
depression and thinking more of giving up
everytime my hopes get dashed
my period is due next friday on the 25th
of november 2005, so I will just keep
laying in bed daydreaming and begging and
pleading with the heavens above to let me
become a mum to be again after sarah and
lucy were so cruelly taken away from me
love kellie
pain in my heart
i feel this big pain in my heart
it started when cruel fate tore us apart
still everynight you are in my dream
imagining your smiles, how on me, it'd
beam
i can still feel your pokes
although they only felt like strokes
looking at the screen, seeing you playing
together
this big pain in my heart, I will feel it
forever
i will never see your faces
and cute little noses
for you are up in heaven
amongst all the roses.
Forever now i'll wonder
what life would have been
if this pain in my heart
was all make believe
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wife2jason_mom2ryley
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Sep 2005
Posts: 288
Location: Amherst VA
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Posted: 11-14-05 17:13pm
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Your poem and journal entry really touched
me. This is so sad and I just wanted to
tell you that I am very sorry that you
lost your girls. I assure you that .God
is taking very good care of them and they
are waiting on you in heaven. I hope
that you become pregnant very soon (if you
aren't already). Everything happens for
a reason...I hope everything turns out
well for you.
God luck and good bless,
teresa
how did you lose your girls...If you don't
mind my asking?? If you don't want to
talk about it..I'll understand.
Again..God bless and good luck.
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fatfamily02
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jul 2005
Posts: 3050
Location: Georgia, USA
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Posted: 11-14-05 17:32pm
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Miss kellie,,
do you remember the vision I spoke
of--about my baby's. I seen them
standing like over the theatre
balcony--but outside. And they were all
different ages. And they were pleading
with me. Come on mom I know you can do
it. Waving their arms and everything at
me. I will never forget that--.God
showed me that when I was really down, and
tired from all the sorrows uncaring pple
put on us sometimes. I hope it can help
you. I hope you are preg kellie, or soon
will be. I miss talking to you (well,
writing). I loved your poem.
Me and the baby's are doing great. I
just so think it is 2 now. Did you see
my pictures!!??
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Miss_KellieAnne
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Sep 2005
Posts: 120
Location: Australia
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Posted: 11-14-05 23:33pm
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My girls were identical twins and they
died at 19.5 weeks gestation from twin to
twin transfusion syndrome.
And jlee, no he would never do anything to
physically harm me or his baby but he
would beg me and beg me to have an
abortion til I caved in.
With the twins I did cave in, but a couple
of days later I found my strength and told
him to either accept I was having the baby
or walk out the door and dont come back.
Jo, I saw the pics - looking good :)
i miss u so much.
Can you please pray for me mom?
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fatfamily02
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jul 2005
Posts: 3050
Location: Georgia, USA
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Posted: 11-15-05 10:41am
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Your will be done .Father. In .Jesus
name. You have so touched my heart and
because of that, I know it has touched
.His heart too. Every time I feel your
heart reaching out again, brings tears to
my eyes. I wish you all good
things--that your joy may be made full.
Without sorrow we do not know true joy--so
your joy will be fuller than many. May
.God shine .His light and love upon you
this day and for many years to come.
Love always
jo
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michelle1981
Supporter
Joined: 20 Jul 2005
Posts: 7236
Location: Toronto, Canada
Thanks: 7
Thanked:6
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Posted: 11-15-05 12:24pm
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wrote: | sxcgirl_me
does this name ring a bell
anyone??? |
same girl!
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004
Posts: 6492
Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 11-15-05 15:01pm
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If i'm not mistaken, she was banned under
that name for spamming, she then came back
and made a post about changing her name.
A lot of people chnage their username it's
no big deal.
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wife2jason_mom2ryley
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Sep 2005
Posts: 288
Location: Amherst VA
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Posted: 11-15-05 17:11pm
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Poor girl lost her twins and now people
are trying to say she is a liar...How
awful. Someone always wants to start
something. Like blaze said, lots of
people change their names. I used to be
forever_in_love811 and then after I was
gone for a while I decided to come back as
wife2jason_mom2ryley...No big deal!
Teresa
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hollie686
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Oct 2005
Posts: 195
Location: USA
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Posted: 11-15-05 17:24pm
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Maybe it's not such a good idea to have
children with this man. Why would you
want to be with him if he is going to try
to talk you into having an abortion? If
you're thinking about leaving him anyway,
then I definately would not have children
with him. The lord works in mysterious
ways. Maybe you are meant to move on
& find someone who really, really,
really wants to settle down with you &
have many babies. You are still young.
Set your standards high. Don't settle.
Hollie
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SadMommy
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Sep 2005
Posts: 194
Location: California
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Teresa
Posted: 11-15-05 18:03pm
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Did you ever get log on to just mommies?
Love, tammy
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wife2jason_mom2ryley
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Sep 2005
Posts: 288
Location: Amherst VA
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Posted: 11-15-05 18:22pm
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Yep, I logged in but I think that because
I have msn it will not let me post.
Teresa
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SadMommy
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Sep 2005
Posts: 194
Location: California
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Posted: 11-15-05 18:28pm
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That is so wierd, I have msn and it lets
me? Weird weird weird........
It is getting cold out side huh.......I am
sitting here freezing!!
Tammy
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fatfamily02
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jul 2005
Posts: 3050
Location: Georgia, USA
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Posted: 11-15-05 19:33pm
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I love you .Miss .Kellie--
they always have some shyt to say. False
persecution, thats what the bible says.
I would rather be falsely accused and be
in heaven one day. So come on ya'all.
Hit me with your best shot??!!
Joanna
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Sammy001
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jun 2005
Posts: 711
Location: ,
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Posted: 11-15-05 20:47pm
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| sadmommy
wrote: | that is so wierd, I have msn
and it lets me? Weird weird
weird........
It is getting cold out side huh.......I am
sitting here freezing!!
Tammy |
cold...You aint seen cold till you've been
to canada...Its snowing here..........
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michelle1981
Supporter
Joined: 20 Jul 2005
Posts: 7236
Location: Toronto, Canada
Thanks: 7
Thanked:6
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Posted: 11-15-05 21:02pm
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| sammy001
wrote: | | cold...You aint seen cold
till you've been to canada...Its snowing
here.......... |
:lol:
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004
Posts: 6492
Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 11-16-05 06:29am
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Ya we had our first snowfall then it
warmed up and turned into ice rain and
today it's supposed to be 17 celcius
(warm) very weird weather. Lol
kellie, I hope you are feeling a lil
bettter today.
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wife2jason_mom2ryley
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Sep 2005
Posts: 288
Location: Amherst VA
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Posted: 11-16-05 16:15pm
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| sadmommy
wrote: | that is so wierd, I have msn
and it lets me? Weird weird
weird........
It is getting cold out side huh.......I am
sitting here freezing!!
Tammy |
i don't know what it is...I guess i'll try
again today. What is that e-mail adress
you gave me before if there are problems??
Actually it's been in the upper 60's here
all week. It's supose to get much colder
next week though.
God bless,
teresa
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