Medical Abortion Forum - I Took a Pregnancy Test Last Night


I Took a Pregnancy Test Last Night

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mylifeisabouttochange

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I Took a Pregnancy Test Last Night Posted: 11-21-05 16:28pm


I'm two weeks late and i've been scared to do it because I was afraid of getting the little plus sign that would inevitably turn my life around. My much anticipated fears were confirmed last night as my friend held my hand in a rite aid bathroom. I am mostly scared because I don't feel sad. I cried last night but mostly because I am afraid of what I will feel after I make the decision that I know I would make if I really were to be pregnant. I can't imagine the sorts of things that I am going to have to deal with but I know they will be horrible. Every morning from now on I will wake up and now what I have done. I feel selfish for only worrying about the things I am going to deal with instead of thinking about the life of the child inside of me. The father of the child said he would be there 100% no matter what I choose to do. He said he doesn't have a moral issue against abortion because he believes that experience is what makes someone human and a fetus seems more like science to him. I have a slight moral issue against it because I would be the reason that this fetus will not be able to love or be loved. I am not considering having the baby because I will not be able to offer him the kind of life that I would love to offer to a child. I have an appointment tomorrow at 12:10pm where I guess my fate will be decided.

Birch

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Posted: 11-21-05 17:14pm


Hi, "my life is about to change". I've been through this too. You are not alone. I don't know a thing about your life. I will say that no matter what you decide, there are people to help you either way. Please, please, though, don't let the appointment at 12:10 decide your fate...You need to decide on your own. Make your best decision freely. I would recommend going to the appointment, talking to women who have been in your circumstances, imagining yourself with a child, imagining yourself without a child, and reflect. Meditate. Take a day off and go for a walk in the woods. Make time for yourself; do not rush anything. Best wishes.

sandyallen

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Posted: 11-21-05 17:30pm


Hi there! It is your choice and yours alone and I do realize that it is a difficult decision either way but their is help here and out there on whatever you decide, we cannot tell you what to do. I agree with the poster above, please do not forget your appt. Please let us know what you deccide. We are not here to judge you! The very best to you!

Tylanas

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Posted: 11-21-05 20:23pm


Hey :) I hope you are able to make a desicion that you feel happy with! I'm pro-choice, and remember that one of those choices is adoption. You've already said you cannot care for the baby, but if you feel morally bad about abortion, remember you can always carry the child to term and give it to loving parents who can give it the life you may be unable to give at this time. I hope they go over that at your counseling session!

jenn_smithson

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Re: I Took a Pregnancy Test Last Night
Posted: 11-22-05 01:00am

mylifeisabouttochange wrote:

i'm two weeks late and i've been scared to do it because I was afraid of getting the little plus sign that would inevitably turn my life around. My much anticipated fears were confirmed last night as my friend held my hand in a rite aid bathroom. I am mostly scared because I don't feel sad.

I know what you mean. After the abortion, I felt guilty (only slightly) because I wasn't feeling guilty like everyone, family included, said that I would.

Quote:

I cried last night but mostly because I am afraid of what I will feel after I make the decision that I know I would make if I really were to be pregnant.

no one can tell you, with any certainty what so ever, what you feel like after an abortion. The only thing that I can tell you is that I felt relieved, immense relief. According to the .American .Psychological .Association, most women do not have long lasting psychological issues after an abortion. What's more is that the apa found that most women who obtain an abortion are psychologically better off 2 years after the abortion.

As to what you will feel, it is largely based on what you believe and how you came to make the decision to obtain an abortion.

Quote:

I can't imagine the sorts of things that I am going to have to deal with but I know they will be horrible.

that's just it, they don't have to be horrible. In fact, most women (including myself) who have had an abortion never felt "horrible" at all. Check out www.Imnotsorry.Net for other women's stories.

Quote:

every morning from now on I will wake up and now what I have done. I feel selfish for only worrying about the things I am going to deal with instead of thinking about the life of the child inside of me.

you're not selfish. Since women are the ones who shoulder nearly all of the responsibility when they have children, it is never selfish to question of yourself if you are prepared.

Quote:

the father of the child said he would be there 100% no matter what I choose to do. He said he doesn't have a moral issue against abortion because he believes that experience is what makes someone human and a fetus seems more like science to him. I have a slight moral issue against it because I would be the reason that this fetus will not be able to love or be loved.

in the end, it's your decision and yours alone. No one can make it for you. The only thing that we can do is offer our support both now and after you make your decision. I will support your decision no matter what it is. Take some time, there shouldn't be any reason to rush, and give it some more thought if you think you need it.

Quote:

I am not considering having the baby because I will not be able to offer him the kind of life that I would love to offer to a child.

this is the reason that I would most likely have an abortion right now if I were faced with an unintended pregnancy. My husband and I are very committed to giving our family the best life possible which is why we do not have children of our own. My niece lives with us, so I now know how hard it is to raise a child (and how hard it is to suddenly have a teenager in the house) and I often feel terrible when my niece wants something or wants to do something special and I don't have the money for it (although, thankfully, we have been able to provide more than my sister gave to her).

Quote:

I have an appointment tomorrow at 12:10pm where I guess my fate will be decided.

may I ask why you think of the experience in this way?

It really doesn't need to be. It is entirely acceptable to think of your abortion experience as a positive one. Mine was a positive experience, one that I would repeat under similar circumstances.

I wish you the best and if you need someone, pm me.
Keep us posted.
Peace,
jenn

mylifeisabouttochange

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Posted: 11-22-05 02:12am


Hey thanks for all the replies. It means a lot that there are women out there that know how hard it is for someone to deal with this so they just want to support and help eachother. I did not mean for it to sound as if my appointment tomorrow will make my decision for me. I am still making the decision myself and know what is best for me. The one thing that has troubled me today is the thought that maybe someday in the future I will be married to someone that I really really love and want to have children with but I don't know if I will be able to. I am assuming this is a common mindset in women who have had abortions but I just dont think that I would deserve to have a child. I know that if I do I would love that child more than myself but I will always wonder how I could give that child so much love but not this one. This may make my decision to have an abortion seem questionable but I know I am making the right choice for myself and the child. I am just being really honest with myself and letting myself explore all the possible things that I can see myself feeling after I do this.

sandyallen

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Posted: 11-22-05 15:30pm


Having an abortion, does not make you sterile! I have known many women that have had an abortion that still goes on to have children! The very best to you with your choice, do not let anyone put you down for your choice! We are here to help with any decision you make and just ignore certain one's.

JoJo7

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6 Weeks Pregnant Posted: 01-03-06 13:42pm


I did a pregnancy test and am 6 weeks pregnant. I am mixed emotions but my boyfirned says no abortion is the answer. I feel empty and dont know what to do. :shock:

Tazzy D

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Posted: 01-04-06 15:19pm


My lifes about to change how are you??? Did you decide what you are going to do? I hope that you ae okay and we are still here if you need to talk.. Either way

JoJo7

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Posted: 01-05-06 08:58am


Hi no I havent. Have you? I just dont know what to do? Im so stuck

Tazzy D

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Posted: 01-05-06 09:08am

jojo7 wrote:

hi no I havent. Have you? I just dont know what to do? Im so stuck

im not pregnant now hun. My baby is now 8 months old.. I decided to keep her, but this is your body you have to do what is right for you

jenn_smithson

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Joined: 15 Nov 2004
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Posted: 01-05-06 15:32pm

mylifeisabouttochange wrote:

the one thing that has troubled me today is the thought that maybe someday in the future I will be married to someone that I really really love and want to have children with but I don't know if I will be able to.

I know you posted this a while ago but I feel it needs some more focus because it is still a myth that I hear everyday.

As sandy said, an abortion does .N.O.T make you sterile. To illustrate, women in romania have not always had access to effective birth control. A restrictive government whose policies ended up killing many citizens with starvation and malnutrition outlawed birth control and abortion as a way to control .Women and keep them at home. Illegal abortions were often the only way to deal with an unplanned pregnancy when the rest of the family was starving to death, including the woman. Culturally, abortion began to be seen by the .Women as a sort of cleansing right of passage. Many of the .Women, to this day, have upwards of 16-20 abortions during their lives in that country.

The fact that .Women all around the world, even in the us, can have multiple abortions points to the obvious conclusion that abortion, on the whole, does not cause sterility. When abortion is illegal, there is an increased chance of sterility. However, even then, the chances are small. In fact, in the .U.S, .Women are rendered infertile more often by a full term pregnancy than they are by an abortion.

Quote:

I am assuming this is a common mindset in women who have had abortions but I just dont think that I would deserve to have a child.

this is another thing I hear often. No one "deserves" to have a child. Pregnancy and childbirth are not some sort of cosmic reward for being a "good" girl. Many .Women who obtain an abortion often do so because they were behaving in a "bad" way either before the pregnancy or directly after it began. Were their socially unacceptable behaviors rewarded with their pregnancy? No. In fact, many people who believe that well-behaved citizens somehow "deserve" children turn their "logic" on its head when it comes to the drugged-out junkie who doesn't really know who the father could be. For "good", mostly middle class people, children are "deserved" and "given", rewards for something. For other people, the pregnancy is a punishment for doing "wrong". But, how can it be a reward for some people and a punishment for others? In short, how can a child be "deserved" by one set of people but a "punishment" or "burden" for others? The basic "logic" (if you can call it that) is intrinsically flawed.

Any values and sentimental attachments that we place on pregnancy we do so ourselves. Pregnancy is basically a biological process of reproducing the species. At its most basic element, it is neither good nor bad. It is us, human beings, who place differing values on different pregnancies based on the circumstances surrounding the .Woman and in doing so, I theorize, tend to place differing values on the children resulting from those pregnancies.

Quote:

i know that if I do I would love that child more than myself but I will always wonder how I could give that child so much love but not this one.

it is not a lack of love that made you choose an abortion. If I were to become pregnant right now, I would most likely seek an abortion. I would do so out of sincere love and sacrifice for myself and my family. I love my family too much to subject them to possible poverty. I love my husband too much to strain our relationship by bearing an unintended child. I love my husband too much to ask him to sacrifice his degree plans by bearing an unintended child. I love my husband too much to treachorously become pregnant when we have both decided, together, that it would be best to wait. I love any children that we might have in the future enough to wait until I can properly provide for them. Many people like to say that .Women who obtain an abortion don't love children but nothing could be further from the truth. It is because I do love children and believe that children should have parents who are not overworked, overstressed by financial concerns, and should have their needs met that we are waiting and carefully planning our family.

Quote:

this may make my decision to have an abortion seem questionable but I know I am making the right choice for myself and the child.

then that is all that matters. :)

Quote:

I am just being really honest with myself and letting myself explore all the possible things that I can see myself feeling after I do this.

it's always best to be honest with ourselves. It was brutal honesty that we were not ready to be parents that led me not only to obtain an abortion but also to finish my degree.

bitsy690

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Posted: 01-13-06 17:23pm


I questioned my fertility because of possibly biased information that I had obtained over the internet. I have heard that abortions can thin your womb making it harder to carry a baby to full term. I do not know if this is true. Jenn, i wanted to thank you for reminding me of my reasoning for my abortion. Sometimes I completely forget my reasoning and become depressed. Because I value children I feel they are a gift. I know that not everyone sees it that way. I was beginning to think that god might hinder me from having a child when I was ready because of my wrong doing. What jen said helped me to make sence of things. Thanks jen for making this day a little easier for me to deal with.

sandyallen

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Tarajay Posted: 01-23-06 14:54pm


You are very correct about it being a pregnant females choice to adopt it out, to carry on with the pregnancy or to abort it as their are times that abortion is very necessary and it is great to continue on with the pregnancy if it is right for the parents to be just like abortion. And as far as adoption goes, a lot of them fail and are put back into one of these bad foster homes and I am not saying that they are all bad. That is why I am open and understanding of what these pregnant women do with their fetus's. I have seen so many abused and neglected children and babies it disgusts me, just like mistreated animals but we are not on that topic. I am glad your sister is your hero, I am sorry for the rest of your family but I am so glad their is choice!

jenn_smithson

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Posted: 01-24-06 00:17am

tarajay wrote:

i understand where people are coming from when they point out you need to do what is best for youbut, on the other side of the table, wasnt it you that made this baby? It wudn be there if protection had of been used so why take away the possibility of a beautiful baby being brought into this world which could in the end change it completely.

I was using protection and using it correctly when I became pregnant. I won the birth control lottery, so to speak. For me, it was the more responsible decision to obtain an abortion. Since the pregnant .Woman is the only one who has to live her life, it should be her personal interpretation of responsibility and how it fits with her own life that matters, not anyone elses.

Quote:

this child may find a cure cancer but if u choose an abortion we will neva know.

likewise, any pregnancy that results in a successful live birth could result in the next dahmer, gacy, hitler, or bin laden being born as well. With a few exceptions, many of the people who end up becomming serial killers had "normal" families.

Quote:

isnt it better to have the baby and give it up for adoption as that bein a possibility rather than throwin away a perfectly good life which it did not ask for but which u gave it.

first, what's "better" is what is best for the pregnant .Woman and her family. It may not be best to keep the pregnancy at all or it may not be best to choose adoption. Secondly, life is a continuum. When we speak of individual people's lives, we generally hold that life to begin at birth and what they then grow to be. If the pregnant .Woman feels that she cannot hope to give a child a life that it deserves even through an adoption, she does not have to give birth.

Quote:

I know that u think u cnt manage or u may not be able to give it the life it deserves but my sister is seventeen and her baby boy has jus turned one and until tonight I didnt realise it but she is my hero. My nephew had an accident tongiht where a glass was crushed in between his face and the floor and all my snobby family always lookt down on her but for me her holdin it together tonight and knowin wat was best for my nephew triggered someting in me and made me see wat a strong person she is. The father of the child left my sister wen she told him but she cudn bring herself to have an abortion as she realised it was there as a result for her stupid mistake an until the end she was considerin an abortion but the first thing the doctor sed when she had the baby was' arent u glad u didnt give this away' im not tryin to change ur mind or make it lean in a different direction but show u how strong it can make a person.

how "strong" anyone will become after any decision that they make is left to be determined by that person, not by you, or me, or society. Some people know that they do not have it within them to become parents and because our bodies do not come with a fertility "on/off" switch, unintended pregnancies can occur. Some people know that they are not ready at this time and likewise cannot find their fertility switch either. A child is too important to risk when you may already have self doubts as to your capabilities. It is up to the individual .Woman facing this situation to decide for herself what she is capable of.