My Boyfriend Can't Orgasm Posted: 11-25-05 01:45am
My boyfriend and I aren't having sex, but
we just have a lot of fun with foreplay :3
. Anyway, i've pleasured him many times
with my hands and my mouth, but he has yet
to have an orgasm; i'll keep up
stimulation sometimes for up to 45 minutes
and he says he feels like he's going to
climax, but nothing happens. He feels
this way for a few minutes and then loses
the feeling as well as his erection. I
hate to be so graphic, but the last time
we were together, I had alternated between
a handjob and oral sex for well over an
hour, as well as using lotion for a
lubricant when my mouth ran dry and began
to use my hands.
Whenever he masturbates, he can ejaculate
just fine, but when I try my hand at it
(no pun intended), I can't get him to
release. I'm not frustrated at him
because I know it's not his fault, but I
just don't want him to feel pent-up sexual
tension within as the result of not having
an orgasm. Neither of us are sure what
i'm doing wrong - I know at times I may
need to stop, but you guys can back me up
on this one: after 15+ minutes of
masturbating him, your arms will get a bit
achey.
Any thoughts on this matter, guys? Or any
suggestions?
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cd998776
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Aug 2005 Posts: 997 Location: Ohio
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Posted: 11-26-05 01:06am
Orgasms are almost completely mental
(~90%), and therefore it usually takes
more or less time for you to orgasm based
on the mental state you are in. If you
find the stimulation pleasing, you'll
likely orgasm more quickly than if you
find it not to be stimulating or pleasing.
There are a number of similar threads,
you might try searching for them.
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m3rcuryd3ath
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Nov 2005 Posts: 12
Posted: 11-28-05 01:17am
Maybe he doesnt find you attractive? Lol
just kidding
well if youre ready, try sex, maybe the
first time hell explode like no other, and
hell never be the same.
I had never exploded like I did the first
time I had sex, and was never the same
emotionally, or mentally afterwards.
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JazzMataZZ
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Nov 2005 Posts: 10
Posted: 12-05-05 16:10pm
Cambion I had the same issue at my 1st
relationship ,
this was due to the fact that I was
anxious ... And I didnt feel "safe"
"secure" in a way when she did an oral sex
on me...As soon as I relaxed,and time
passed , I needed this every single time
hehe!But why dont you have sex?Have you
thought that maybe the fact that you
doesnt trust him so much to have sex with
him makes him worry?..
No worries ! Take your time ... This
will happen....For sure
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Cambion
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Nov 2005 Posts: 747
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Posted: 12-06-05 00:39am
It's not that I don't want to have sex,
it's just that I know i'm not yet ready to
go that far. I get very scared when I
think about it - I would use protection,
but I always worry that it'll fail and
i'll get pregnant. Hell, I was with my ex
for over a year and a half and we never
had sex. I do want to please my
boyfriend, but I get very anxious when I
think about sex. I know he wants it, but
I also know he won't try and force me into
it. It's not that I don't trust him, I
just don't trust contraception. That's
why I wish to get a tubal ligation as soon
as I can afford it so I could happily be
intimate with him and be able to relax,
not worrying about pregnancy. But that's
another story I won't get into.
I think at times I may have made him feel
pressured, like he needed to orgasm. I
ask him occasionally if he's "getting
close" if his reactions begin to
change...Maybe he felt like he had to have
an orgasm. I'll need to stop asking him
that.
At some point, I want to ask him if I can
try going for the "a-spot", because i've
heard that some guys can have tremendous
orgasms from prostate stimulation. But I
want to ask first, because I don't know if
he would want to be touched like that or
not, or if he'd be willing to
experiment.
Thanks for all your help, guys - I really
appreciate everyone's advice.
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JazzMataZZ
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Nov 2005 Posts: 10
Posted: 12-06-05 02:14am
Well , I aint a psychologist , but as a
fragile personality , I wouldnt "open up"
to a girl that is afraid to have sex with
me..
I mean .. Com on , get rid if this fear
of yours , use a condom , and there's
absolutely no case of getting
pregnant...
[1+1/2 without sex!!!!!??? Gosh!][and I
thought girls in england were different!
Hehehe] just kidding!
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ats7
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 4 Location: Los Angeles
Posted: 12-07-05 13:56pm
I think it's really your own decision when
you want to start having intercourse. But
I think a key question here is whether he
is able to masturbate to completion in
your presence. If so, I would say work
with that. Enjoy it, cheer him on, and
you can begin to "help out" more and more.
Much like a blacksmith's apprentice, he
may be able to teach you the tools of the
trade, and eventually you will become a
master. You may want to have some frank
intimate discussions about what he likes,
how he likes to be touched. Try trading
off, having him masturbate for a while,
then you take a stab, then back to him.
Some men just feel performance anxiety
when a woman is "working on him," but you
shoudn't feel it's a failure on your part
in any way. Forty-five minutes of nonstop
work from you is bound to make you both
feel stressed and pressured, and probably
isn't very conducive to completion.
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breakyoself
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Dec 2005 Posts: 1
Posted: 12-08-05 17:25pm
This post is abit late but
im having the exect same problem with my
girl, she really turns me on n all shes gd
at handjob and oral and it feels amazin
but I dont cum,
weve also had sex afew times now but even
if it feels absolutly amazin and I dont
feel any pressure, stress or anxiousness
even if I rifle away for a good 15 mins I
do not cum I think that ive come close
afew times but I cant be sure I think I
need a professional opinion or some1 whos
had this b4
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JazzMataZZ
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Nov 2005 Posts: 10
Posted: 12-09-05 06:31am
Guys and girls........
I'm definately think this is a matter of
time ... Loosen up.. We young people
[19-25] rush too much to have things
done... I mean..Get to know each other ,
fall in love..
This is cleary an issue of not letting
yourself free...
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cd998776
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Aug 2005 Posts: 997 Location: Ohio
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Posted: 12-09-05 17:52pm
Just do your best to keep your mind
mentally arroused, and you should be ok,
that usually fixes the problem. People
don't concentrate on the sensations
enough, and therefor don't cum or can't
keep their erections.
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motoko
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Dec 2005 Posts: 2
Posted: 12-10-05 20:38pm
Wow, I thought I was the only one having
this problem. Basically my boyfriend
doesn't orgasm through sex, oral, anything
which involves me. He can orgasm fine
when he masturbates on his own. And I
have brought ex boyfriends to orgasm
before, and have never had a problem. So
I dont really know whats going wrong. He
said what I do feels great and he says he
has come close a few times. I dont think
its an issue of feeling relaxed around
eachother either, because we have been
together 7 months now and are completly
open with eachother.
What is going on?
Help
anyone?
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cd998776
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Aug 2005 Posts: 997 Location: Ohio
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Posted: 12-10-05 20:54pm
Could be, waht you said, a need to feel
relaxed, could also be nerves or lack of
arrousal.
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Slaughter31805
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Dec 2005 Posts: 5
On Your Question Posted: 12-10-05 21:00pm
Does he masterbate a lot or do you know
because a lot of times that can be the
reason he is so use to doing it himself
and the way it feels that it is hard for
you to get the same rhythme and hand grip
that he does so what you can try is having
him put his hand on top of yours and
sqeeze and have him do as if he was doing
it him self and see what happens its like
he is training you on the way he does it.
Good luck I hope it works.
Does he touch you why you are doing him?
Thats ometimes work to. Or you can even
rub up against him with your body and
everything make it more than just trying
to get him off that works to.
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motoko
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Dec 2005 Posts: 2
Posted: 12-11-05 05:39am
Thanks for yr help guys,
1) I dont think its a lack of arousal,
because he is always very hard, and stays
like it for almost 2 hours whilst im doing
stuff to him, man thats tiring. Till
eventually he tells me to stop because its
starting to hurt. Even tho he says it
was great all the way through.
I think you might be right about him being
used to his own touch, he said he used to
masturbate loads before he met me, I am
the first person he has ever done anything
sexual with. He said that he isnt used to
how it feels. He also said he is
constantly worrying that im not enjoying
myself, iv told him I am but he still
worries, I guess that stops him relaxing
enough.
Yes we've tried it with him touching me
too, and with me rubbing against him,
we've tried alot of stuff to be honest
lol.
I think I should try what you said about
letting him use his hand too, to teach me
what he likes or so that he gets a feeling
he is used to.
Thanks for the advice! :d
xx
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cd998776
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Aug 2005 Posts: 997 Location: Ohio
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Posted: 12-11-05 13:19pm
motoko
wrote:
i think you might be right about him being
used to his own touch, he said he used to
masturbate loads before he met me, I am
the first person he has ever done anything
sexual with.
i agree; that's probably what it is....
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Slaughter31805
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Dec 2005 Posts: 5
.... Posted: 12-11-05 18:29pm
Im glad that I could help.
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Cambion
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Posted: 12-21-05 16:23pm
I hate to bring back an old topic, but i'm
still kinda perplexed about my boyfriend's
inability to orgasm.
I talked to him about this, and he told me
he never feels nervous or anxious when I
pleasure him. His exact words were "it
feels too good for me to be nervous". As
I had said, I know he can climax just fine
when he masturbates, and I have told him
to tell me if he wants me to do something
specific. But he just says I do
everything perfectly.
Ah well I guess i'll keep trying. -.-
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cd998776
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Aug 2005 Posts: 997 Location: Ohio
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Posted: 12-21-05 17:07pm
There's a difference between "feeling
nervous" and "being nervous."
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teach486
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Aug 2005 Posts: 276 Location: US
Posted: 12-23-05 10:09am
In the book I am currently reading it
specifically states that if you masturbate
regularly you should vary how you do it.
If you do not throw in some variation on
how you masturbate to orgasm, then
basically you train your body and mind to
only be able to orgasm in that same exact
way each time.
This is especially true for men. Men
masturbate more often than women, and
usually do it the same way every single
time. They become accustomed to doing it
only in that way.
Then along comes a girl. She plays with
it, strokes it, licks it, sucks it. Yes,
it is a turn-on and he gets hard.
Afterall, he is sitting back enjoying the
attention. However, it just doesn't feel
the same as when he is doing it. She
isn't gripping it hard enough. She isn't
hitting the right spots in process. He
stays hard, because all of the motions she
is applying helps to maintain the
bloodflow. But it just isn't enough to
push him over that edge.
The best thing to do if this is the case
is to watch how he does it. Ask him to
show you how he likes it. Watch him doing
it alone a cuple of times. Then put your
hand over his as he is masturbating so you
can feel the rhythm/pace he likes. Then
have him put his hand on top of your's and
squeeze so you can feel how hard he likes
it tugged/squeezed. He can also show you
the rhythm in this way, too. Keep
practicing this, and before long you
should be able to do it for him without
his help.
