I thought i'd never need a forum like
this, but my girlfriend is pregnant and
although i'm not excited about it, I
respect that she's decided she wants to
have an abortion. I support her totally
and believe in her decision. Her reasons
are all in check... We're not married
and don't really know if we can sustain a
long term future, she doesn't have a job
& therefore no income, there is no
insurance, neither of us live near family,
both have drama in our lives after going
through divorce, she was/is using xanex
pretty heavily for anxiety (much higher
than avg user), she has more stress in her
life than normal circumstances due to
recent divorce / loss of job, etc.
I don't have the first clue where to start
to help her with this. I want to be
there, but I honestly know in my gut she
just wants me to help pay for this and
then probably get out of her life as
quickly as possible since i'm responsible
for so much of her 'drama'. So that
said, I don't want to be over-bearing but
more just a place that she can turn to for
information if she needs it. She said
she can go somewhere in atlanta, but she
needs $500 from me to pay for it.
So I have some questions...
1) how do I find the closest place that
can safely abort this child and keep her
as healthy as possible?
2) roughly how much does a standard
abortion cost if you are roughly 4-5 wks
pregnant? (she's only abt 3 wks right
now).
3) what can I do to help insure that she's
in the best frame of mind to make sane
decisions about her health and future?
4) how does an abortion occur during this
general time frame? Is it just a pill?
Is surgery involved?
I appreciate your serious and helpful
replies. I really want to find a place
that will take care of her that won't cost
an arm and a leg. I would much rather
pay more to insure her safety though, no
matter what the outcome for me. This is
about her, her safety and my desire to
support her decision.
Last edited by GettingBackOnTrack on 11-28-05 22:08pm; edited 1 time in total
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Carifairy
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2005 Posts: 2610 Location: Charlotte n.c.
they are great and offer good pain
medicine. When you get on gynpages just
click georgia from the menu of states.
Lots of great info..
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GettingBackOnTrack
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Nov 2005 Posts: 6
Re: Need General Help Posted: 11-28-05 22:35pm
whatisupwiththat1
wrote:
gettingbackontrack
wrote:
(she's only abt 3 wks right
now).
3 weeks after her last period? You
wouldn't know yet if she was
pregnant.
she swears that she's only 3 wks. Missed
her period, took test, believes conception
took place roughly 3 wks ago.
It does say on the front of the first
response preg test that you can tell up to
7 days before you miss your period.
Perhaps she simply got her period last
month and is further than she believes she
is. Is that possible? Doesn't really
change the situation though.
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Carifairy
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Joined: 12 Nov 2005 Posts: 2610 Location: Charlotte n.c.
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Posted: 11-28-05 23:40pm
You can be only 3 weeks, but it would be
rare to know so early. If she actually
missed her period she is actually 4 weeks.
Pregnancy is measured by last menstrual
period, so although fetally she may be
3-4weeks, she is actually 4-5 weeks from
her last period.
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sarahk
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jan 2005 Posts: 108 Location: England
Posted: 11-29-05 04:23am
Come on girls...He hasnt asked how far
along she is he's asked for help and
advice! (i think was he was trying to say
was her gestational age is 3 weeks which
would mean her pregnancy is 5 weeks
along)
can I just say its so nice to hear a man
accepting his responsibilities and you
certainly seem like you care about this
woman. When I fell pg, my fiance of 4
years forced me to have an abortion even
though it was his idea to start for a
family!
As she is 5 weeks along (gestational age
of 3 weeks!) she can have a chemical
abortion which involves taking two tablets
and having two visits to the clinic. This
will start contractions and cause a
miscariage. Some women prefer this method
because it is most like a natural
miscariage which helps women to greive.
If she was to chose a surgical abortion
she would need to be at least 7 weeks
along (5 weeks gestational age!). You can
be in and out of the clinic within a
couple of hours. They put you to sleep,
soften your cervix and insert a small
chube which sucks out the pregnancy. You
then stay in the clinic for an hour after
that and have tea and a biscuit and they
let you go once they think you are fit.
I dont know about costs in america. I
live in the uk and we get all our medical
treatment free on the nhs. But I would
personally get a recommmended abortionist
from your doctor.
It depends on each individual but if she
suffers from anxiety and depression she
may find that after the abortion she will
feel overwhelmed and will probably need
some support, on the other hand she may
feel releaved and it may loosen her stress
levels.
Good luck and hope it all works its self
out.
Sarah
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GettingBackOnTrack
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Nov 2005 Posts: 6
Posted: 11-29-05 09:02am
Ok - so I guess we've narrowed down that
she's further along than we thought. I
admit to being a little slow in the entire
terminology of actual length of pregnancy.
I can tell you she was most fertile nov
11 / 12 and that's likely when we
conceived. ...Or so I think. That was
2 1/2 wks ago from today. She was
expecting her period mid/late last week
and it didn't come right on time, so she
took a test. She followed up with that
yesterday with a trip to the doc and they
confirmed with their own test.
I'm hopeful that she might qualify for
just taking a pill or something and this
being relatively easy for her body. I
also hope that this doesn't stop her from
wanting children again in the future, even
if its not with me. Having a family is a
dream everyone should have fulfilled.
Thank you very much for the above links
carifairy, they are very helpful and I
have passed them along. It does look
expensive, but I would pay anything for
her health no matter how broke I go. She
might even qualify for assistance since
she doesn't have a job or insurance right
now.
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Carifairy
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Joined: 12 Nov 2005 Posts: 2610 Location: Charlotte n.c.
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Posted: 11-29-05 14:56pm
The pill is not very easy at all, unlike
surgical where you can be asleep and pain
free. The pill takes 2-4 days to fully
complete the abortion, and it basically
induces a miscarriage. The first day you
take a pill, then 48 hours later you
insert cytotec(misoprostol) into the
uterus to cause contractions. With
surgical it is over with in 3-5 minutes,
and you are done.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 11-29-05 18:27pm
It is great to know that their are still
men around like you that are still caring
and responsible and understanding like you
are that will stand by his girlfriend!
I wish you both the best!
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GettingBackOnTrack
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Nov 2005 Posts: 6
Posted: 11-29-05 20:51pm
sandyallen
wrote:
it is great to know that
their are still men around like you that
are still caring and responsible and
understanding like you are that will stand
by his girlfriend!
I wish you both the
best!
thank you to you and sarahk -
unfortunately, my gut was right and things
didn't work out. She "doesn't want to
ever hear from me again" because I
questioned her asking me for more money.
I'd pay anything for my girlfriend, its
part of the cost of being in a
relationship, but I don't want to get
stuck paying every side-bill either if you
break up with me and just want to be
less-than-friends. She didn't
understand that, we got in to an
arguement, and she wants nothing to do
with me now. (yes, there is more to
this ... See side note below)
truthfully - I question why she refused to
take a test with me, but I only want the
best for her. Its nice to see that
complete strangers can see that I had
concern for her and was willing to step up
to my responsibilities, since even she
couldn't see that. I would have paid
every dime I had to insure her health and
safety.
Anyhow - the information is still helpful.
Even though she doesn't want to be with
me, she can still use the information and
will be able to make wiser decisions as a
result. I appreciate everything the
forum has to offer and any new information
will still be helpful to her.
**side note from above - she doesn't have
a job and I had been paying for a lot of
her meals. At one time I nearly paid
for every meal she had during the week.
Well I got stuck paying additional bills
last time around and she made a comment
about needing money. I sent her my very
last $100 and had to borrow money from my
dad just to go home for thanksgiving.
As I left, I borrowed $20 from her.
(she says she loaned me $20 twice, but I
don't recall the 2nd time, but it could
have happened). I was a little burned
because I budgeted roughly $250 - 300 to
give to her from this paycheck, but she
nickel and dimed me by saying that she
loaned me money. I had just given her
$100, plus bought her $165 worth of stuff
at sam's, paid for full groceries (more
than $100 in the past, not very recently)
and gotten nearly every meal she's eaten
over the last couple months. To come
ask for money after breaking up with me,
then say that she did me such a huge favor
in the past and that's why I owe her was a
complete insult. She said she doesn't
need me, doesn't love me and doesn't want
to talk to me - needless to say, i'm
hurting emotionally. If we compare
dollar for dollar, i'm out $100's over
& above what she's put in to this - it
shouldn't have come down to this. She
could rely on me as a boyfriend but
shouldn't need to rely on me if she wants
to dump me. Just my two cents, if you
ask me. Sorry for all the drama, but I
guess I thought it was required.
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GettingBackOnTrack
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Nov 2005 Posts: 6
Posted: 11-29-05 22:31pm
whatisupwiththat1
wrote:
gettingbackontrack
wrote:
truthfully - I question why
she refused to take a test with me, but I
only want the best for
her.
you could always offer to go to the clinic
with her a pay for it. That way, you
will know for sure. I hope she was just
playing you and that you don't get a knock
on the door in 9 months demanding child
support.
given a dna test, I would love to be a
daddy! Gettingbackontrack is still very
excited about being a family man... Even
if that unfortunately means bringing up a
kid in a broke family. :(
right now, I doubt she would even have the
kid just to spite me or because it is
mine. (if it is, or course.)
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Carifairy
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2005 Posts: 2610 Location: Charlotte n.c.
Thanks: 12
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Posted: 11-29-05 22:41pm
Well truthfully bringing up a child in a
broke house just because is something that
I would avoid. I have seen it, from
friends, and their children suffer. It is
her body, and you are doing great being
supportive of her. Having children when
you can afford them is a great thing.
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Wenzy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Nov 2005 Posts: 1
Posted: 11-29-05 22:43pm
I dont' know if this is the right place
but I was wondering how long would you
have to be pregnant before they wouldn't
do an abortion? Like is there a time
limit where they won't do it anymore?
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Tylanas
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Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
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Posted: 11-30-05 00:22am
Well it depends. Many places won't do
abortions after 20 weeks unless their is a
medical need for one, ie the fetus is
sick/malformed or the mother is in danger
from the pregnancy.
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sunshine424
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Nov 2005 Posts: 397 Location: New York
Posted: 11-30-05 07:25am
Your gf (ex) sounds very bratt and
selfish. It's apparent that you will do
anything, include give your last dollar,
to her. Way to go to you. You have acted
totally selfless in this situation and it
cannot be easy for you. It sounds like
you want this child but unfortunately, as
you know, it is ultimately the woman's
decision. Personally, I think that the
man should have a say just asmuch and if
the woman respects you, she would give the
man the say. But that is usually not the
case. Abortion is all about me, in case
you haven't noticed.
Anyhow.....Way to go for being supportive.
More men should be as caring as you.
Good luck and hope all works out well.
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sunshine424
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Nov 2005 Posts: 397 Location: New York
Posted: 11-30-05 10:00am
whatisupwiththat1
wrote:
sunshine424
wrote:
you have acted totally
selfless in this situation and it cannot
be easy for
you.
yeah... He acted like a total doormat
to a woman that is obviously using him.
So glad you find that inspirational.
Sicko.
he is only a doormat if she makes him one.
She made him one. But he was not there
to be taken advantage of. He was being
kind, something I know is hard for you to
grasp. Take your hate to the debate
forum.
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
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Posted: 11-30-05 10:26am
sunshine424
wrote:
your gf (ex) sounds very
bratt and selfish. It's apparent that
you will do anything, include give your
last dollar, to her. Way to go to you.
You have acted totally selfless in this
situation and it cannot be easy for you.
It sounds like you want this child but
unfortunately, as you know, it is
ultimately the woman's decision.
Personally, I think that the man should
have a say just asmuch and if the woman
respects you, she would give the man the
say. But that is usually not the case.
Abortion is all about me, in case you
haven't noticed.
Anyhow.....Way to go for being supportive.
More men should be as caring as you.
Good luck and hope all works out
well.
the man should have a say, if he is
willing to help the woman through whatever
situation she'll be in. But the problem
is that often the man wants to abort, and
will leave the woman if she keeps it, so
then she has a fatherless child, and the
best she can do as far as support from the
man is leech money off of him in the form
of monthly child-support checks.
I also feel that if the relationship is
healthy enough, he's going to have a say
in it anyway, because he and she will be
talking about their situation openly, and
she will care what his opinion is. I know
if I ever got pregnant that my bf's
opinion would matter a lot to me, and if
he didn't want me to abort, then I would
give it up for adoption.
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GettingBackOnTrack
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Nov 2005 Posts: 6
Posted: 12-02-05 01:23am
whatisupwiththat1
wrote:
sunshine424
wrote:
but he was not there to be
taken advantage
of.
she didn't force him to pay for her food
and other things. He did that. And
as soon as he demanded to know what the
money was for, she dumps him. Hopefully
he learns something from
this.
yes, he's learning his lesson! :wink:
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paganangel
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jun 2005 Posts: 377 Location: VA
Posted: 12-03-05 03:13am
Quote:
) how do I find
the closest place that can safely abort
this child and keep her as healthy as
possible?
at least he believes that it's a child and
not a blob.
