Depression Forum - New Taking Paxil, New to Accepting This Label


New Taking Paxil, New to Accepting This Label

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uk_ladybird

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 28 Nov 2005
Posts: 17
Location: Maryland, USA

New Taking Paxil, New to Accepting This Label Posted: 11-28-05 22:25pm


Hi, i was peerscribed paxil last week only on 5mgs right now........Tuesday take 10mgs ......I have been depressed lately crying.Feeling angry nd suffer from anxiety .Even not getting the laundry done stresses me out which I am beggininig to realize is silly..........I cant help it!!!! I have a few issues really...Marraige isnt the greatest but whos is it seems nobody I know is happy .Maybe thats the problem I need some possativeness around me! I guess I cant believe I am depressed.I mean I am a happy go lucky person but something changed all that.I have 2 kids who I adore but I think I devote my every waking moment to them and do nothing for myself.I dont even know what I like anyomre.......I never used to be this way :( but I have lost myself......... I hate the label of depression it sounds so...I dunno..Not me.........Almost like I am a wacko (no I dont mean your a wacko) but people in general are very fast to judge you.Thing is with me is I have hidden it so well......Like a manic depressive cant hide it.Like I function well get up every day....Take care of my two kids...My house.....I guess I just feel overwhelmed and alone and wonder where my life will take me......... So anyways I am taking paxil a week almost now and feel better ...Well I feel less irrertable..More calmer.But I know though I still am fussing over laundry and bills and stuff I gotta take care of its like I cant help it! I know I need to do things alone but truth is I scared to be alone does that make any sense? No probably not....... Never been alone always had a relationship never had to take care of just me......So not sure how too really been so long........ I went to a support group tonight and most of the people were bi-polar and I felt man I have a good life in comparrison but then why have I been crying and angry for so long....... I sometimes cant think straight...Know what I really want ..... Its hard to be like this anyone else know how I feel like up and down...... I am working on myself trying to get myslef back together........I know its got going to get fixed by a pill and over night but I hope I am doing the best thing for myself and my kids........I dont want them to suffer cause of me you know! So any possative words of how things get better appreciated..... I cant hear anything else bad about taking meds cause I am already kinda sad I have come to this........To me its I am a failure even though it takes some courage to ask for help and realize you need help...... Gosh I am waffling on.........I am new at this thats all......... Well maybe its good to talk about whatevers on your mind :) hope heres a place I can do that! Anyways gotta go take my happy pill :) goodnight ! Dont worry, be happy ,as that song goes! :)

uk_ladybird

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 28 Nov 2005
Posts: 17
Location: Maryland, USA

Lexapro Posted: 11-28-05 22:34pm


Ok I am going nuts I dont even know what the hell I am taking ! Not paxil gees this does worry me I cant even remember a name of a drug I take :cry: maybe I am just tired? Anyways sorry for the erro

turtlegirl

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 27 Nov 2005
Posts: 4

Posted: 12-01-05 19:14pm


I felt the same way you did when I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety in january. I didn't believe it, that wasn't me, I didn't fit into the "depressive" stereotype. I was angry and unaccepting for a long time, but for 3 months I could not leave my house, so obviously there was something wrong with me. I have always found happiness everywhere I look, to be diagnosed with depression makes me wonder who I am. And it doesn't help to have a father who thinks it is all a crock of s#@%. He thinks I should just stop all my meds, stop listening to my psychiatrist. So I feel like I am letting him down. I look at myself with a "why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve being this miserable?" and then I look around and see people that are a lot worse off than I am. I mean, I could have cancer for pete's sake! But I don't, so then I feel bad for feeling bad about myself. It is a never ending circle. I still haven't come to terms with it. I read your post, thought it sounded a lot like me, so I wanted to let you know that you were not alone. :wink:

uk_ladybird

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 28 Nov 2005
Posts: 17
Location: Maryland, USA

Thanks! Posted: 12-01-05 23:03pm


Hi thanks for writing to me :) glad somedoby finally did :) I saw that people were reading but not writing back I was thinking god I cant get any support here! Gees! Its nice to know I am not alone...Yeah I too know what you mean about things could be worse.I went to a depression and bi-polar support group on tuesday man some of the people there were definately having way more problems then me...........One poor ladys been on anti-depressants 40 years and she still cant just about get up...I am so lucky.I have always been able to get up! I have kids so I gotta but sometimes I want to stay lying there.My meds are helping me feel better once I am up not cried in a week wow amazing!! I feel calmer and happier weird ..Though in the mornings I am a bit zombie-fied as I just upped my mgs to 10mgs......Which isnt alot in total ..........I only take the lexapro some people at my group are on a combonation I couldnt imagine taking like 4 things just to function.Its really sad! As for the you letting your dad down I feel the same way with my mum I dont think shes happy she told me to learn to relax yeah ok mum though shes suffered from depression on and off her life so far but wouldnt take tablets .I refuse to be un-happy and cry my life away........ I wanst like this about 10 years ago I was back home in england clubbing and having fun......My job would get me down nannying....Putting up with crap from my bosses but I was pretty happy just had to odd bad day recently I was having more and more together....Then I realized it had been maybe a year or more feeling this way but ignoring it putting it down to I am tired etc.........But last week I cracked and thought what are you doing to yourself and your kids and my husband who I know has had to put up with way too much but I felt alone like he didnt care if I was even here helf the time but I know he had withdrawn from me as all I did was be negative or shout....... I hate myself for that.But I didnt mean too it just takes over you! Anyways enough of me.How are you doing???? Hows your mediaction going? Hows the shrink going? Does it help? I saw one a few years ago actually I took an over dose in 2000 and had to see one though she never gave me anything even after that!!!! But I will never go down that road again it was a wake up call.Plus id never do that to my kids.........I never wanted to die I was screaming insdie for help.To be heard I guess if that makes sense? Gosh I am not crazy honest :) I never thuoght I would do something like that, again like I never thought id say I have depression its hard to accept it ........But I have too :) well I gotta go have a cuppa tea then go take my happy pill as I call it! Then go to sleep have to go to the drs tomorrow for a follow up.... I hope you stop in again soon.....Im here if you want to talk! Goodnight and keep your chin up! Hug!

turtlegirl

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 27 Nov 2005
Posts: 4

Posted: 12-02-05 17:34pm


Our stories are so alike it is uncanny. I don't have any children, but I am 28 years old, and like you, was shouting and unkind to my husband. I did not realize I was doing it, there was no reason for it.... But it made things really difficult in my marriage. I am currently on quite a few meds, wellbutrin, clonipren, and now lexepro... Oh and lets not forget the seroquel to help me sleep. I took an overdose on the clon. And sero. A few months ago, thought I was trying to commit suicide, but that would not have worked. But I didn't know that, I was that low, and tired that I just wanted it all to end. But this week, this week has been different. I know it sounds crazy, but since I started my lexepro, I have felt better, and it hasn't even been a full week. I hope I am not just imagining things. I don't care if I have to take meds for the rest of my life, I just want to be my regular self again. When I started on the wellbutrin, it was an appetite supressor for me. I was never hungry, so I would never eat. Since january I have lost 40 lbs. I was not that big to begin with. I have also been doing pilates 3 times a week. I think that helped me drop some weight as well. I like the way I look now, better than I did before. But I have to work to not starve myself. Eating when you're not hungry doesn't feel natural, but I do it. I hope that you start feeling better as well. I also noticed that while a post may be read a lot, there are not always a lot of responses..? :roll: hope to "talk" to you again soon!