Dont Know How to Get a Girlfriend Posted: 12-02-05 03:18am
Well then. I have never done something
like this before(getting help for this
sort of thing). Im 19 yr old male and
am in college, just finishing up my first
semester. I have a problem. I have
never had a girlfriend. Never been
kissed. Never really even had a friend
that was a girl. I tried to ask a girl
out once and my offer was declined. I
went to a all boys hs. I was hoping
before that when I came to college I would
be able to find someone. It seems that
it is a lot harder for me than I thought
it would be. I am a fairly(ok maybe
really) shy person. I have trouble
talking to girls. The last few months
and especially recently I have become
depressed. Every night I am having
trouble going to sleep because I cannot
stop thinking about how much I want a
girlfriend but dont know how to get one.
Ive started to sometimes think that I
will never be able to get one. I dont
know what it is but I cannot seem to
approach girls no matter how much I want
to. Almost all of my waking hours now I
am being tormented by being lonely, yet I
have no idea what to do. Their are
girls I like around but I dont know how to
approach them. Also im not wanting a
relationship just for sexual reasons. I
want a relationship that goes beyond just
sex. I want someone who I can talk to.
Im not exatly sure what im asking for on
this forum. All I know is that I need
some help. Thankyou for any help you
can offer.
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snowygirl
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Oct 2005 Posts: 807 Location: hawaii
Hey Dont Be Depressed =) Posted: 12-02-05 03:23am
You are still young, still time to find a
gf. You know what college is best time
and place to meet pple, meet girls, you
should take advantage this time. Try
starting out as friends with a girl first,
then maybe it will lead to something more,
wish u find one soon.
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Stu
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Oct 2005 Posts: 39 Location: United Kingdom
My Thoughts Posted: 12-02-05 06:06am
Hi,
i'd like to give you some of my thoughts,
from my own experience. The first thing
I notice from your email is that you seem
to 'need' a girlfriend. That is already
a disadvantage. Ok, nobody likes being
lonely, but a needy person is immediately
unattractive. So you need to try and rid
yourelf of that, or at least work hard to
keep it under wraps. The second issue
that you mentioned yourself is your
shyness, possibly only around girls?
That's another thing that you seriously
need to work on.
I was just like you, I used to sit around
feeling sorry for myself (not trying to be
harsh with you, but you know what I mean)
and wondering if it would ever happen for
me. And I would be miserable and
restless and it was horrible. But the
longer it went on the more I started to
see that I was not exactly presenting the
best package to any possible partner. So
I made a conscious decision to work on
myself, for myself, before trying to sell
myself to others. Sometimes the harder
you look the less you can see. Often the
best things come along when you aren't
even looking. But that's not to say that
you shouldn't put yourself in the best
position to welcome these opportunites.
Basically you need to build your
confidence as confident people are always
more attractive. Don't fear embarassment
or knock-backs, everybody experinces them
at one time or another. And you need to
appreciate your own value if you ever
expect anyone else to appreciate you.
Luck and timing always play a part in
finding a relationship so try not to be
too pesimistic about it. Ok, so there
are those stunningly attractive people out
there who find it easy to attract others,
but the vast majority of people are not so
gifted. So we rely on our other
qualities, which are often the more valued
qualities anyway.
Don't give up...
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Reyclaw
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Dec 2005 Posts: 2
Posted: 12-02-05 23:28pm
Thanks for the help. I guess I kinda
already knew some of these answers I just
needed somebody else to say them for me.
Ill have to start working on my shyness.
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ajc28
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2006 Posts: 11
Posted: 03-05-06 16:29pm
Firstly, I fully appreciate this thread.
I am pretty much the same, same age, same
situation etc. Very shy, no confidence,
don't know how to talk to girls, along
with being pretty short and very average
looking.
Stu, everything you say is right. You
say you had to work on yourself and its
necessary to increase confidence etc which
is what I want to do this year. So have
you got any tips? What did you do that
worked? How did you "work on yourself
for yourself"?
I guess the main thing is to learn to be
happy as we are by ourselves. Just
because there is nobody to do things with
doesn't mean we have to miss out.
Edit: oops, lol just seen the dates those
posts were written.
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Desiro
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jul 2008 Posts: 2
Posted: 07-18-08 04:48am
hi im 19 too and have never had a gf. I
missed out at school because wasnt very
confident in myself then but i feel more
condident now. But wot i want to know is
this- i fancy this girla lot but she has a
bf- how do u move past this without it
holdin u back and depressing u?
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