I feel trapped every day. There is no
way out for me.
If I tell anyone how I really feel, they
will force me into hospital again - I
cannot even talk to my therapist. I do
not trust her. I don't trust anyone
around me anymore. I was put in hospital
and I did not cope well at all. It was
my choice that time, but they threatened
that if I did not go in voluntarily they
could make me, and get someone to come
around and take me by force. I have
never harmed anyone else, nor have I
harmed myself in 6 years, and I have never
attempted suicide, so why can I not speak
my mind without them locking me away in a
place like that?!
They call what they are doing therapy?!
I can't even speak. No one listens, they
just decide to put me on medications that
give me awful side effects or their stupid
solution of 'hospital.' being in hospital
does not help. It makes it worse! I
could barely eat in hospital, they put me
on stuff that gave me diarrhea and blamed
it on my anxiety, they don't listen, no
one listens to me anymore at all, I am
just labelled a hypochondriac or a risk to
myself - they do not understand.
Now I have people forcing me to go out.
And I can't. My depression every day
makes me feel so weak. I am sure it is a
chemical thing. There is a drug I tried
that took it away. I felt as if the fog
had lifted! Effexor was what it is
called, but a day later I got the most
bitter, rancid taste in my mouth. It was
like my saliva tasted different. And it
smelled different too. Metallic, and
horrible. I have been on effexor before,
and it helped with depression then, but I
notice now that the horrible bitter taste
that I had for over a year last time was
actually a side-effect. I went through
hell with that problem for over a year,
thinking it was caused by bad tonsils,
when it was not. And the only drug that
seems to be able to help my depression go
away, also has this nasty
side-effect....
Well, you can see what I mean when I say I
feel trapped.
I feel like I am going to go insane soon.
I can't cope with this much longer.
Every day I feel more worthless and I hate
myself for what I am, and yet I have
people pointing out what a mess my life is
in, over and over. As if there is
nothing wrong with me?!?!
A point for all who try to help people
with depression - pointing out the
negative helps not at all!! It actually
makes it worse. Don't think you can
force people to get better by punishing
them.
|
oldudbob
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2005 Posts: 3
Posted: 12-06-05 11:12am
As one who has battled depression off and
on for forty years I think that I can
understand somewhat where you are coming
from. My bouts with depression always
were the result of long-term stress,
usually job related. I might go several
years without a problem or several months.
I took early retirement 2 ½ years age
and have not had a problem with depression
since. I know that it is out there
waiting for me if I get in to another
long-term stressful situation. However,
I do my best to avoid stress and am
enjoying life while times are good.
Over the years I tried a number of anti
depressants and fortunately most of them
worked. My depression was never bad
enough that I had go in to the hospital,
but it was bad enough that on many
occasions I contemplated suicide.
Luckily, as you can tell, I made it though
without an actual attempt.
I tried a couple of sessions with a
shrink, but didn’t feel that it was of
much use so I stopped. Mainly, with the
help of meds and my spouse I toughed it
out till the depression abated. Like I
said earlier, this has been an off and on
situation for forty years.
I too felt that there was really no one to
discuss my problem with. Unless one has
experience depression they can’t really
understand what someone is going through
that is experiencing it. However, I
think that if you can find someone else
who has personal experience with
depression to talk with you would probably
feel better.
Find a doctor who really understands you
problem. My doctor has had problems with
depression, so he knows where I am coming
from. My advice is to get on medication
and stay on it, find someone to talk to
and if things get bad enough go in to the
hospital. The last thing you want to do
is end your life. Though, I know that
when I was depressed that often seemed the
most viable solution. Its not and things
will get better.
Posting in this forum is a good way of
expressing your feeling and a way to get
positive feedback.
Please take care
|
flowerlight
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 15 Location: UK
Hey Posted: 12-06-05 22:30pm
Hey,
maybe now you are not trapped by anything
thats wrong but by the fact that you feal
you carn't talk to anyone, to get it out
of your system, without someone judging
you. Talk ... I'll listen.
|
k-yama
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Dec 2005 Posts: 4
Posted: 12-07-05 09:21am
Thanks you two.
I phoned up my therapist the other day,
and told her that I really didn't trust
her, or this new person that is supposed
to be coming in to help take me out places
and get over my anxiety problems.
I really don't think I am able to be going
out places at the moment, due to the
severity of my problems.
Anyway, I had a bad day today. My
parents calling me lazy, and saying
basically I would have to leave unless I
took all the help that was offered. Even
if I feel some of it is inappropriate, or
that I could not commit to. I don't
-want- to go out places with a total
stranger. Who would? Anyway, now I
feel even more trapped again.
I got some st johns wort from the chemist,
because my mum dragged me out today... I
broke down in tears and that made them
stop chipping away at me, for a while. I
just couldn't take it anymore. Is it any
wonder I hate people and want to just stay
in my room?
|
k-yama
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Dec 2005 Posts: 4
Posted: 12-07-05 09:24am
I'd be interested in hearing from anyone
who has had problems with effexor
withdrawal, and in particular if anyone
has had problems with it messing up their
sense of smell/taste, causing a bitter
taste, etc.
|
flowerlight
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 15 Location: UK
Hey Posted: 12-07-05 21:52pm
Dont let them get you down. Even if they
do, think of good things that counteract
it. I love the sanctuary of my room and
the chance to escape from the stress of
life and the people of it. Its nice to
feal relaxed, then u can deal with the
anoyances (such as moaning family mambers,
etc) with a laid back attitude.
Hope ur fealing better
