:?: I have been in a two year
relationship with a man that I am soo in
love with. We just had a daughter 2
months ago. Anyway this relationship is
hopeless..I think. But how do you fall
out of love with someone I can't seem to
make myself no matter what I do. He is so
sweet when he is around me and my
daughter...He does lil romantic things all
the time and opens doors and kisses my
hand and just makes me little things out
of flowers...Very sweet but he is married
to a woman 20 years older than him and she
has known about me they both say that he
sleeps on the couch at their home and she
is angry about it but won't leave him and
he says he can't afford to live on his own
wich he doesn't make much money. I make
better money but I think he wants me to go
get a place and have things together for
the both of us. It is like he can't do
anything unless I am pulling him to do so.
This is so bad I feel awful about it but
I do have a daughter with him and love him
very much. What do I do?
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dad2thabone
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Dec 2005 Posts: 2 Location: indiana
Posted: 12-19-05 10:44am
Please dont be offended, but sounds to me
like he's having his cake and eating it
too. On one side he's got the stability
of the older wife to take care of him and
then he's got his young hottie on the
other. Why would he want to change the
situation?
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purpz28
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Dec 2005 Posts: 43 Location: Indiana
Posted: 12-19-05 16:22pm
I'm not offeneded i'm glad someone
responded...Yes I kind of agree but I
don't feel this should continue now that
we have had a daughter..So I don't know
how to change it...I guess I have to just
put my foot down and say come with us or I
am done because it seems I am the only one
that can or will change the situation. I
really do love him though...I can easily
say more than I have loved anyone else
ever.
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mindoculus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Dec 2005 Posts: 17 Location: new york city
Posted: 12-21-05 10:28am
[quote="purpz28".]i guess I have to just
put my foot down and say come with us or I
am done because it seems I am the only one
that can or will change the situation.
[/quote]
correct. You need to act. You need to
tell him to go away.
But that is only the start. You then need
to examine why you were
attracted to him to begin with.
You seem to be taken easily with
superficial displays of tenderness. From
your description, I think you need to look
deeper than mere chivalry for
your next relationship, and that will
require a huge boost in your own
self-awareness.
I hate to think what a person can get away
with you if they all they need
to do is the 'lil romantic things'. Such
attention to detail can be very
specious, and I wouldn't be surprised if
he was manipulating you just
to maintain this destructive arrangement.
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purpz28
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Dec 2005 Posts: 43 Location: Indiana
Posted: 12-21-05 10:50am
Wow I really don't know how to respond to
what you said...But how easy is it to tell
someone to go away when I just had a baby
with him?
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mindoculus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Dec 2005 Posts: 17 Location: new york city
Posted: 12-21-05 12:55pm
purpz28
wrote:
wow I really don't know how
to respond to what you said...But how easy
is it to tell someone to go away when I
just had a baby with
him?
easy ? No.
Needed ? Probably.
Do you want someone who is juggling
relationships with two women as a father ?
With that said . . . If his
relationship with the other person - his
wife ! ! - is finished then he should
separate from her. That would be the
responsible thing to do. End the loveless
marriage, which I assume was also
childless, and have them sort the legal
issues.
