Joined: 07 Dec 2005 Posts: 115 Location: cedartown
Me And My Mom Are Expecting Should I Not Be Mad? Posted: 12-16-05 23:42pm
My mom found out she was preganant one
month ago, my family says I should not be
mad, but I am becasue she should be a
grandmother not a mother. She said that
she tought she was too old to get
preganant, she is 40 . I asked her if she
has hit menopause and she said of course
not and I was like well then you now if
you are not on birth control then you can
get preganant. And now she will call me
and ask all these questions like this is
her first child , and then she is like 13
wks and she is already over weight, and I
went to her house and she is like look my
stomach is rounding off already, and I was
like whatever no its not. The baby and
uterus is not even that big, you will not
show for along time, so get over it, it
irrates me, and she is already refering to
it as a boy, I just feel like she got
preganant on purpose, and I am so mad at
her for it, when I talk to her she tries
to talk about it and I dont care to hear
about it, am I being mean?
|
kitty2luv
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2004 Posts: 1089 Location: with my love
Posted: 12-16-05 23:52pm
I dont think you should be mad. She might
be going throgh a midlife crisis
|
justacanadiangirl
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Nov 2004 Posts: 1803
Posted: 12-17-05 05:23am
I would be mad,.... But that's just me...
|
fatfamily02
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jul 2005 Posts: 3050 Location: Georgia, USA
Posted: 12-17-05 05:38am
Why would you be mad
you should be happy for her. Only a
person who is being selfish would feel
that way. "afraid she is stealing
something from you." she has a right to
be pregnant if she wants to be. You
should be excited to share it with your
own mom.
I mean I dont know how good your
relationship is but I would totally dig
that.
Only someone who has their own unresolved
issues, or a very poor relationship with
their mother would feel that way.
I wouldn't want my 40 year old mom having
a baby, that would embaress me like crazy,
especially if she acted the way you
described your mom has.
|
purpz28
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Dec 2005 Posts: 43 Location: Indiana
Posted: 12-17-05 08:06am
I cannot believe people would actually be
mad ....(no offense) but it makes you
sound very jealous. I mean no one evr
said there was a rule that anyone who is
40 has to be a grandma and not a mother.
I know plenty of people who may have had a
child only a few years before that so they
still have to play mommy at forty. I mean
come on all she is really doing is being a
normal woman when she says things about
her pregn. She is exited...Cut her
some slack. Another baby is always a
good thing.
|
teach486
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Aug 2005 Posts: 276 Location: US
Posted: 12-17-05 09:58am
Nobody can tell you how you should feel
about this situation. Nobody should be
made to feel ashamed of their feelings
either, regardless of the situation. The
only thing that is important here is that
you learn how to handle this situation in
a positive manner for you, so that you are
not putting unneccesary stress on you and
your baby.
You said your mother has a lot of
questions, and that she is acting like
this is her first pregnancy. I can
understand that. I am 30 now, and
pregnant with my second child. I, too,
have a lot of questions. My first child
was born when I was 16. Since I didn't
find out I was pregnant then until I was 5
months along I really do not remember, or
didn't know, what was considered normal
for pregnancy. So, in a way, this is like
a first pregnancy for me, too, because
there has been 14 years in between the
two. You tend to forget things over time,
and with all the new technology and
medical advances now things have changed
dramatically over the years.
I am not sure what your relationship is
like with your mother, be it good, or bad.
Your mother most likely sees both of you
being pregnant as a form of a bond between
the two of you. Because of this it is
only natural that she would want to share
the experience with you.
The one thing that I do ask of you is to
know that your mother will be considered
high risk due to her age. She may have
many more complications than you, and may
need your support to help her through
this. Please keep in mind that while
feeling jealousy and rage about the
situation is in no way wrong, if something
should happen to your mother, or her baby,
in the end you may have to deal with some
guilt, too. Your mother will also have
many feelings to deal with if something
should happen, because she will be left
having to watch you complete your
pregnancy. The same would be true vice
versa if you have complications, and your
mother has a healthy pregnancy.
Just do the best you can to try to keep an
open mind by seeing things from both
points of view. It would also help to
talk directly to your mother about your
feelings. Be honest and open about what
you are feeling, explaining to her why you
feel the way you do. In the end it may
help both of you to come to some sort of
an understanding, even if you just agree
to disagree and leave it at that.
Below I have included a list of
complications for pregnancy at 40 so that
you are prepared, and so that maybe you
can help prepare your mother for these
things should they arise.
Pregnancy at 40
by rose villaflor
many women usually delay their pregnancies
for reasons such as career opportunities,
emotional stability, or financial
security. However, whether natural or
medically assisted, conception can also be
a fact for women in their 40’s. As it
is known, postmenopausal pregnancy
promotes equality and reproductive
freedom.
While certain medical risks like
hypertension, diabetes, multiple
gestation, preterm labor, and
pre-eclampsia accompany postmenopausal
pregnancy, medical and technological
advances now allow safe and effective
conception. Approaches such as in vivo
fertilization, intrauterine insemination
(iui), intratubal insemination (iti),
gamete intrafallopian transfer (gift), and
fallopian replacement of eggs with delayed
intrauterine insemination (fredi).
Genetic defects.
A higher proportion of middle-aged women's
eggs, however, contains problems with the
chromosomes that can lead to genetic
abnormalities.
The general child-bearing population has a
3% chance of delivering a child with a
birth defect.
The risk rises to between 6% and 8% after
the age of 40.
The chance of having a child with down’s
syndrome is around one in 365 at the age
of 35, but rises to one in 100 by the age
of 40, and to one in 40 at the age of 45.
Around 50% of early miscarriage are due to
genetic abnormalities, and overall the
rate of miscarriage is 15%. After the age
of 40, this incidence nearly doubles.
There is also a moderate increase in
stillbirths after the age of 40 because of
the potential medical complications
affecting pregnancy, and lethal birth
defects.
Labor and delivery complications
preterm (premature) labour
premature separation of the placenta
placenta previa, which means that the
placenta lies over the neck of the womb,
meconium stained amniotic fluid, which
means that the unborn baby has soiled the
amniotic fluid and can be harmful if
inhaled by the baby during the birth
process see also: common fertility drugs
and their actions
to see more artlices like these visit
doctorgeorgette.Com
Re: Me And My Mom Are Expecting Should I Not Be Mad? Posted: 12-17-05 11:53am
perfectdiamond19
wrote:
my mom found out she was
preganant one month ago, my family says I
should not be mad, but I am becasue she
should be a grandmother not a mother.
She said that she tought she was too old
to get preganant, she is 40 . I asked
her if she has hit menopause and she said
of course not and I was like well then you
now if you are not on birth control then
you can get preganant. And now she will
call me and ask all these questions like
this is her first child , and then she is
like 13 wks and she is already over
weight, and I went to her house and she is
like look my stomach is rounding off
already, and I was like whatever no its
not. The baby and uterus is not even
that big, you will not show for along
time, so get over it, it irrates me, and
she is already refering to it as a boy, I
just feel like she got preganant on
purpose, and I am so mad at her for it,
when I talk to her she tries to talk about
it and I dont care to hear about it, am I
being mean?
i can understand your feelings on
this.....I too would probably be a wee bit
upset and worried.
Try to focus on you and your pregnancy. I
really hope everything works out for the
best :)
|
BareBackJack
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Nov 2005 Posts: 15 Location: Ontario
Posted: 12-17-05 12:28pm
My mom had me when she was 40. I'm now
18, she's 58 and my best friend. There is
19 years difference between me and my
oldest brother. He had his first daugher
just 4 months after I was born. He was
the best big brother! He took care of me
all the time and I (aunt jackie) have an
awesome relationship with my neice. We're
so close in age and we get along great.
My mom and my brothers wife enjoyed their
pregnancy together. They went baby
shopping for clothes (because I was the
first girl out of 5kids), traded hand me
down maternity clothing when my mom
outgrew them (mind you my moms tiny and so
is my sis-in-law)....They just thought it
was great, having someone to share
everything with
i can't see why you're mad...I mean
...Think about it. You're going to have a
living breathing little brother/sister.
That in itself should make you happy. I
just don't get it. Sounds like you're
just mad that she's stealing your spot
light.
So in response to you're original
question, no, I don't think you should be
mad!!!!
Really hope you come to you're senses and
stop being so damn jelous! You're moms
happy...At the very least you should be
happy for her too. Its not like this
babies going to go away. Once its born
its here forever. Are you going to spend
you're entire life hating him/her just
because you weren't the centre of
attention while they were concieved?
|
fatfamily02
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jul 2005 Posts: 3050 Location: Georgia, USA
Posted: 12-17-05 12:34pm
I am sorry, but what happened to reverance
and respect for your mother. You girls
make me sick.
You do have a right to feel how ever you
want---but you do not have a right to
treat your mother with so much
disrespect.
And I still dont see whats the deal, I
would love to --first have my mom here.
She has been gone since I turned 30. She
was only 48. And I would love to share
something so special wih her.
I would feel like a little kid. How you
doin mom?? How's the baby?? Is it a
boy or girl? Did you go to the dr yet.
It's moving--let me feel!!!! And wow,
your kid will be my kids uncle or aunt and
be younger than them--kewl!!!
|
Tamadrummer
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Oct 2004 Posts: 710 Location: Zephyrhills,Fl
Posted: 12-17-05 13:45pm
Honestly I agree with the folks that have
said that you are allowed to feel however
you want but if you want an opinion as to
how i/we would feel, here it goes....
I would be happy and supportive to my
mother or mother-in-law. I would not
berate her for being joyful since she can
feel that wonderful feeling of a growing
child in her belly again. If you are
upset, it is your decision but you need to
figure out if you are going to allow the
fact that you are having a little brother
or sister get in the way of your
relationship with your mother.
Personally I would be furious with you if
I was your husband/boy friend because you
really have no basis for your anger other
than simple jealosy and if I were not
married to you, I would be very hesitant
to get married to you given your general
disregard for other peoples feelings.
Just one man's opinion,
-brian
|
justacanadiangirl
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Nov 2004 Posts: 1803
Posted: 12-17-05 14:50pm
I just know that if that happened to me, I
would be mad, considering my mom and I
don't have a great relationship I think I
would feel like she was trying to steal my
thunder (even though she probably wouldn't
be) but that's just the way I feel. As
for having kids late in life, I don't
think that's so bad, my bf's mom had him
when she was 43 and there is a 22-23 year
gap between him and his brothers who are
now 46 and 45. And he said they were the
best brothers he could have.Which I know
they are. But it's just the fact that if
I was pregnant with my first and had just
old all my family and with me it would be
the first grandchild, then my mom gets
pregnant.... I would be quite mad. Even
if she didn't mean to it's just the fact
that something that was supposed to be
special for u and just urs, u now have to
share. It's different when it's a friend
who is pregnant at the same time, or even
a sister-in-law then at least it's not all
ur family is now having their attention on
her too. I personally think it would be
cool to be pregnant at the same time as
someone, just not a sister or mother...
|
perfectdiamond19
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2005 Posts: 115 Location: cedartown
Posted: 12-17-05 15:07pm
fatfamily02
wrote:
why would you be mad
you should be happy for her. Only a
person who is being selfish would feel
that way. "afraid she is stealing
something from you." she has a right to
be pregnant if she wants to be. You
should be excited to share it with your
own mom.
I mean I dont know how good your
relationship is but I would totally dig
that.
Only someone who has their own unresolved
issues, or a very poor relationship with
their mother would feel that
way.
i am mad at her becasue she does not have
the money to take care of my brother much
less a baby and she is 40. She should be
a gm not a new mom, I do not feel she is
taking any thing from me, I would not have
let the baby go to her house alot anyhow
because they live alot different than my
husband and i, and she knew that and I
feel thats why she got pregnant. So you
cant judge me and say I have unresolved
issues, the point is she is 40 yrs old and
starting all over and she does it right
when me and my husband decide to start a
family. Now she is always saying things
to make me feel bad becasue we have money
and can some what afford nice things and
she cant, and she knew that and she
expects me to give her all my old baby
cloths for her baby, when there will only
by a 6mo difference and I had already told
her that I planned on reselling his cloths
on ebay, so that we could use the money to
buy new ones, she is already calling the
baby a boy, it could be a girl, the way I
see it is when your children get older and
go to college and then get married and
start having children that is you time to
be a gm not a new mom, now she cant be a
gm, so my son will only have one gm but at
least she will be able to do the things a
gm is suppose to do.
|
perfectdiamond19
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2005 Posts: 115 Location: cedartown
Posted: 12-17-05 15:08pm
justacanadiangirl
wrote:
i would be mad,.... But
that's just me...
I am glad some one understands , thank
you
|
justacanadiangirl
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Nov 2004 Posts: 1803
Posted: 12-17-05 15:12pm
How far along are u now?
|
MomAt19
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Nov 2005 Posts: 5
Posted: 12-17-05 15:24pm
Well, it sounds to me like you've already
decided you're going to be mad at your
mom....So anything we say is just going to
be wasted. Why'd you bother asking for
advice if you already know what you're
going to do/feel? You should have titled
this "mother bashing" because thats about
all you seem to do. Doesn't matter if she
has money or not..She raised you , she
gave birth to you . Show a little
respect!
J e l o u s ... Don't bother saying 'shes
not steeling my thunder" because
everything you say makes it seem more and
more that thats how you feel.
Or maybe its just me
|
perfectdiamond19
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2005 Posts: 115 Location: cedartown
Posted: 12-17-05 15:28pm
barebackjack
wrote:
my mom had me when she was
40. I'm now 18, she's 58 and my best
friend. There is 19 years difference
between me and my oldest brother. He had
his first daugher just 4 months after I
was born. He was the best big brother!
He took care of me all the time and I
(aunt jackie) have an awesome relationship
with my neice. We're so close in age and
we get along great. My mom and my
brothers wife enjoyed their pregnancy
together. They went baby shopping for
clothes (because I was the first girl out
of 5kids), traded hand me down maternity
clothing when my mom outgrew them (mind
you my moms tiny and so is my
sis-in-law)....They just thought it was
great, having someone to share everything
with
i can't see why you're mad...I mean
...Think about it. You're going to have
a living breathing little brother/sister.
That in itself should make you happy. I
just don't get it. Sounds like you're
just mad that she's stealing your spot
light.
So in response to you're original
question, no, I don't think you should be
mad!!!!
Really hope you come to you're senses and
stop being so damn jelous! You're moms
happy...At the very least you should be
happy for her too. Its not like this
babies going to go away. Once its born
its here forever. Are you going to spend
you're entire life hating him/her just
because you weren't the centre of
attention while they were
concieved?
first of all I could care less about
being in the center of attention, I do not
hate the baby or dislike it, I will love
the baby, however I will not be as close
to it as I am my brother I am sure, I am
hardly around my family becaseu I have a
busy demanding life. Yea I am upset with
my mom becasue now my son does not get the
chance to have the grandmother that I had,
my mom will be too busy, which is fine, I
just feel like she should have giving him
a chance to have 2 sets of grandparents.
Also like I said in another post, I am
also mad becaseu my mom cant barly afford
to take care of my brother, our dad and
mom are divorced and he pays child support
and our dad is a Dr. But still that does
not mean she has money, now here she is
having a child when I am the one who takes
care of the one she has now, my husband
and I told her that we could not afford to
buy my brother school cloths and birthday
and christmas like we use to, we told her
she had to figure it out she is his mother
after all and then she makes it worst by
bringing a baby into this world when she
can not afford it. And I can not afford
it, so my reasons for being upset go a
litttle deeper than me just being selfesh
I am not a selfish person at all . And I
am not the type of person who wants to be
in the center of attention, so you do not
need to be so rude/
|
perfectdiamond19
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2005 Posts: 115 Location: cedartown
Posted: 12-17-05 15:31pm
fatfamily02
wrote:
i am sorry, but what
happened to reverance and respect for your
mother. You girls make me sick.
You do have a right to feel how ever you
want---but you do not have a right to
treat your mother with so much
disrespect.
And I still dont see whats the deal, I
would love to --first have my mom here.
She has been gone since I turned 30.
She was only 48. And I would love to
share something so special wih her.
I would feel like a little kid. How you
doin mom?? How's the baby?? Is it a
boy or girl? Did you go to the dr yet.
It's moving--let me feel!!!! And wow,
your kid will be my kids uncle or aunt and
be younger than
them--kewl!!!
ok whatever, my son is going to have to
deal with haveing an aunt that is younger,
hmm I dont think it suppose to work that
way , and I am not disrespectful to my
mother, why asume somthing that you do not
know to be a fact, jsut becasue someone
would be upset does not mean they treat
thier parent with disrespect, so whatever,
I dont agree with you
|
perfectdiamond19
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2005 Posts: 115 Location: cedartown
Posted: 12-17-05 15:34pm
tamadrummer
wrote:
honestly I agree with the
folks that have said that you are allowed
to feel however you want but if you want
an opinion as to how i/we would feel, here
it goes....
I would be happy and supportive to my
mother or mother-in-law. I would not
berate her for being joyful since she can
feel that wonderful feeling of a growing
child in her belly again. If you are
upset, it is your decision but you need to
figure out if you are going to allow the
fact that you are having a little brother
or sister get in the way of your
relationship with your mother.
Personally I would be furious with you if
I was your husband/boy friend because you
really have no basis for your anger other
than simple jealosy and if I were not
married to you, I would be very hesitant
to get married to you given your general
disregard for other peoples feelings.
Just one man's opinion,
-brian
hmm its funny how my husband and
mother-in-law feel the same way I do, my
husband thinks my parents are ignorant,
and my husband who loves and respects is a
very educated man, as well as I am
|
BareBackJack
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Nov 2005 Posts: 15 Location: Ontario
Posted: 12-17-05 15:34pm
....Its still all about you though....
Has it occured to you that maybe just
maybe you're mom didn't do this on
purpose? May she, like lots of women, got
pregnant by accident, and now she's
excited about it! Heaven forbid she be
happy about bringing new life into the
world~
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