My name is lexxy. I have a bit of a
dillema. No one knows about this, i've
held it inside for long enough and I
truely need advice. It's a bit legnthy,
so please bear with me:
about two years ago I was in an absolutely
perfect very passionate relationship.
Alex and I dated for 5 1/2 years. I can
say that we lived quite comfortably though
he never paid taxes. I begged him to
change his lifestyle and he refused time
and time again. So finally I left him and
everything we created together. About
two months after I left alex I was
re-introduced to jay, someone I knew in
high school. Right away jay and I hit it
off. And even though I didnt want a
relationship, I felt as though jay and I
would be good together. A fresh start to
my new single life. As jay and I were
getting to know each other I felt as
though my body was changing. I had always
been in great shape physically and was now
gaining weight. I chalked it up to fast
food and stress. Another two months went
by and I finally decided to take a
pregnancy test. It was positive. I
hesitated to tell jay since we've only
been dating for 4 months. But to my
suprise he was delighted with the news,
telling me, "this is what i've been
praying for" (belive me I know what you
may be thinking. After only 4 months how
can he love someone and want to have a
baby??? Well, ya know I said the same
thing) after much much thought, I decided
to keep my baby. At my first check up I
was told I was having a girl and I thought
to myself "how can they tell so fast?"
well it turns out that I was 5 months
pregnant... Oh god!!! Was all I could
think. Oh caca! Dear god!!!! Oh
caca!!!
Immediately after I left the
clinic I went to my ex, alex. The first
thing he told me was that cobra (caca
narcotic task force) had been watching him
and that he had to leave to chicago. When
I finally told him that I was pregnant he
got on his knees and kissed my stomach.
He gave me a choice: stay here or leave
right now and be on the run with him in
chicago. Thinking of my unborn child I
decided to stay. When I got home jay was
at my apartment waiting with flowers. He
too kissed my stomach (thought that was
strange) he let me know that he told his
whole family earlier that day about my
pregnancy... Time goes by, and I never
receive a phone call or letter from alex.
So thinking of my unborn daughter, I
decided to stick with jay and his
supportive family and told alex's best
friend that I had a miscarriage knowing
that alex would eventually hear about it.
A year's gone by and jay and my
daughter and I moved out of town. His
whole family is in love with my daughter
and I couldnt be happier of all of the
love and attention that my baby recieves.
I truely feel blessed.
Well on my way out of work one day
I run into alex. Turns out he beat the
system and has been looking for me
since... He said he knew that my
daughter was his and begged for us to be a
family. That was two months ago. Alex
and I talk secretly every day. I still
love this man very much. But I know that
the quality of life would be completely
diferent and a much worse lifestyle to
raise a child if I were to be with alex,
her real father. And how would I ever be
able to tell jay and his family??? Or
tell my baby girl that daddy isnt really
daddy and that she'll never see her family
again??? I know that I dont at all love
jay, and every time I talk with alex it
feels so right. But I have no problem
with sacraficing true love to give my
daughter the life she deserves. All in
all I dont know weather to stay or to
leave. I feel as though I should give
alex his rightful chance. But this would
just devistate and destroy jay. And
probably take a psychological toll on my
daughter. I'm so stuck. I even romanced
the thought of being single. Financially
I would be able to do it, but this would
hurt my baby girl too. Alright, it's
past 2:30am, my apologies for this being
so long. Any advice would be helpful.
Please, lexxy
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sweetheart4eva
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Dec 2005 Posts: 1 Location: houston, tx
My Opinion Posted: 12-24-05 00:52am
First of all I want to commend you for
being strong and smart enough to get out
of the relationship with alex? In the
first place. Now to the matter at hand,
in my opinion jay? Knows that your
daughter isn't his because by my
calculations she was born 8 months into
your relationship or 3 months premature.
Come clean with jay let him know that your
daughter isn't his and slowly introduce
your child to her biological father.
Believe me it's going to come out sooner
or later and you want to be in control of
this situation. There is always someone
out there in the world that feels you have
done them wrong, this man and his family
will get over this. Your child on the
otherhand might pay a bigger price if you
let this go on any longer. As for your
relationship with her father take it slow
and see where it goes. Let me know how it
goes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hope I was helpful :d
|
Lexxy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Dec 2005 Posts: 6 Location: Pa
Posted: 12-28-05 03:09am
Thank you for the advice, and yes, jay
does believe that my daughter was born 1
1/2 months early.
My problem is that I love alex very very
much, we were together for quite some time
and all of the feelings are still there.
But he's just not good for me. I also
know from being with him for so long that
he'd be a great father, but he's set in
his ways and unfortunately, his ways are
illegal. I absolutely refuse to raise my
little one in that environment. I really
am ready to just be on my own, as it's
unfair to jay that I dont find him
comparable to alex. And I truly think
that he can tell that the love isn't
there. As much as I try to "give in" and
accept his love I just cant do it.
As far as jay finding out, I sincerely
doubt that that will ever happen as I have
taken all necessary steps to prevent it.
Alex threatened to confront jay unless I
returned to him. And so to protect this
lie I created I had a friend of mine who
works at the hospital send an authentic
letter to jay requesting his
acknowledgement of paternity. This
required jay to take a paternity test.
Upon his doing so, I was able to intercept
the mail, scan the incriminating document
and change it to state otherwise. This
gave jay the "proof" that he really never
needed and allowed me to have control of
the situation.
Surely I only made this lie worse and more
complex for whenever, if ever, I do tell
jay the truth.
You have to tell jay the truth! Could you
ever imagine you being on the other end of
this...... Would you want to know the
truth if you were jay? How would you feel
if you were your daughter in 15 years?
You would want to know, wouldn't you?
Now that you're a mother, you need to
think of what's best for your child before
what's best for you. If you return to
alex, how would that impact on your
daughter?
|
betzee
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2005 Posts: 2 Location: california
Posted: 12-28-05 23:29pm
Hi lexxy and everybody,
i am new, in fact I think I am lost I am
chronic pain but I saw your post and I
started reading it and I want to tell you
I am praying for you.
I am 49 years old and a few years ago
would have said that you have to tell jay.
But he already knows and if you stay
with him there is no point in verbalizing
it now.
I know what it is like to be married to a
man I did not love. I did that for 15
years. He was mean and verbally abusive.
As he got older it got worse, but in a
way my situation was similar because he
had a great act that he put on 'in
public', was successful etc., and nobody
understood why would I want to divorce
such a 'nice guy'. He got worse after we
divorced and kidnapped my baby 5 years
ago.
But back to you, on the one hand, life is
too short to be unhappy. On the other, I
would give my eye teeth to be with a guy
like jay for 5 minutes.
Think of the life you have now, the life
you would have as a single person, the
life you would have with alex.
