How to Get Over His Past? Advice Please Posted: 12-23-05 01:05am
Please bear with me, and give your
advice:
my boyfriend and I have been dating for a
little over a year now. He is
wonderful....Considerate, kind,
understanding, communicative...The only
problem I have with him is really all in
my head. It all started when we had the
"how many people have you slept with?"
conversation that we had at the beginning
of our relationship. Counting him I had
2, and counting me he had 8. Now at
first this really didn't bother me. I
put it aside and rationalized it as
"that's really not that many, and besides
it's all in the past now." I truly thought
I was ok with it. Then, a few months
later I saw some pictures of him with his
ex, and that totally set me off into the
downward spiral i've been in. I find
myself being mad at him for having been
with so many more people than me, and feel
less special to him since he's been with 7
others. I know that this is an
insecurity issue on my part. My
boyfriend never has, and I don't believe
he ever will, cheat on me....But part of
me is always insecure because of his past.
I find myself thinking about it a
ridiculous number of times a day, and I
try to repress it. Somehow it will
always come back to me....I'll either have
some horrible nightmare about him with one
of those girls, someone we're hanging out
with will mention his ex, or (and this
only happened once last week) his ex will
call him out of the blue to tell him she's
back in town (they sort of had a messy
and bitter break up and haven't talked in
a really long time. He says he doesn't
want anything to do with her, but I still
find myself insecure and jealous).
Anyway, all of this backstory has a point:
I suppressed and kept these feelings to
myself for a while, but a month or so ago
found that I couldn't hold it back
anymore.
|
~baby~g~
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jul 2005 Posts: 221 Location: Ohio
Posted: 12-27-05 14:59pm
Hey, that is a hard thing to deal with. I
think it's a problem that all us ladies
have. We don't want anyone touching our
man && dislike all the ex's for
touching him. Anyways, it's something
you're going to have to deal with even
though it may be hard. Have you talked to
him about your feelings?? I'm sure he
would comfort you && let you know
that nothing else is going on & that
it is in the past. If you love him, then
remember that happened before you got
together with him. This is now and you're
the one in his life, not the other chicks!
Hope this helped!
|
jesticle
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 May 2005 Posts: 152 Location: Australia
Posted: 01-01-06 06:27am
Darl pretty much everything you just wrote
is like the story of my life! Trust me I
know exactly how you feel a few things are
a little bit diff though like since we've
been together(almost 2 years) he's had 3
ex's ring him and 2 of em wanted to get
back with him I dont mind one of them
though but there is one that always seems
to ring at a real bad time and sayin she
wants to see him now this girl is good
looking she's a model she's pretty much
perfect and im far from that, but
technically she isn't even an ex they
didnt exactly date so you can guess what
they did in there time's together, check
your pm's
|
LA
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jan 2006 Posts: 3 Location: Oregon
Posted: 01-12-06 01:07am
Not to sound like a broken record but I
understand what you're saying. When the
subject came up with my boyfriend and i,
he couldn't even give me a number of how
many girls he slept with. He said "i
didn't keep count" which made me feel as
though he slept with so many he couldn't
remember.
I can admit i'm insecure, but that really
set it off. He knows it makes me
uncomfortable so he tries not to say
anything. Although sometimes he'll slip.
He says it's just his past and i'm his
future. It still bothers me though and I
don't know how to get over it. I just try
my best to ignore it.
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awkwarddepressed
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Mar 2006 Posts: 70
Posted: 04-03-06 10:59am
I am having this problem with my
girlfriend. Im 28 and shes 26. I was a
virgin up until I met her a few months ago
and we had the dreaded talk earlier than I
wanted to and I told her I was a virgin
and she told me she had slept with other
people. We never got down to numbers
because I know that would crush me even
more than I already am. Yesterday we were
on that topic again and she said that none
of the the other people mattered and that
im special but then she went on to say
that because she was an athlete in college
she was sought after and it was cool to
have hot guys want her. She said she was
picky about who she dated but not who she
hooked up with. She wanted to tell me all
this because she didnt want me to have the
wrong impression that she was some
"angel", but now I cant shake the idea
that shes a promiscuous person. She isnt
giving me details as I dont want to hear
them, but not knowing makes me think she
was a real promiscuous person. I didnt
want to hear numbers because it would make
me feel even worse. Anyone have any
advice for me? I love her and we have a
great time together but I cant shake this
and its making me miserable. The idea of
her having sex with other people and the
fact that her and her friends are so
non-chalant about "hooking up" makes me
want to vomit. It also makes me regret my
past and the fact that I had no confidence
in myself and wound up never having sex
until now and only hooked up with like 3
people. Sometimes im ok with this, but
sometimes I hurts so bad I think about
killing myself even though I would never
really do it. She feels really bad that
this bothers me so much and asks me if
theres anything she can do that will make
me feel better, but theres nothing that I
can think of.
Any words of advice or should I take a
flying leap off the empire state building
so I can stop having to think about this?
Ignorance is bliss and I despise the fact
that girls always need to know your past.
Whenever I hooked up with anyone for the
first time, they always asked me about my
past afterwards and id stupidly tell them
I was a virgin or didnt hook up a lot and
guess what? They wouldnt have sex with me
even though we would have somewhat of a
relationship.
Its like you cant get a job without
experience and you cant get experience
without a job.
I really hate my life sometimes.
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pinksalter
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Sep 2005 Posts: 124
Posted: 04-05-06 16:49pm
Hey I get the same way with anyone I have
been in a realtionship with but now I have
learnt to totally avoid that subject. I
really don`t want to know anymore it just
causes heartache for all involved. It`s
hard when that little voice in your brain
is telling you otherwise.
I really wouldn`t get to the point of
feeling suicidal as you must remember
these people are exes for a reason and
theyy are now with you for a reason.
Hopefully because they love you.All they
types of topics make me really insecure
about myself so I try to avoid them
although my new man has told me his ex was
a model so that fills me with insecurity.
But the flip side to that was she may have
been a model but she sounded like a
complete psychopath!
So i`m not so bad after all
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Songwriter105
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Apr 2006 Posts: 22 Location: Windsor
Posted: 04-10-06 06:17am
I lost my virginity at 15 to a girl I had
known my entire life. Since then I have
been with quite a few sexual partners.
Altogether, probably about 15. I played
it safe, used protection, checked myself
to the clinic once a year, and have always
been clean of std's.
My girlfriend, lost her virginity 2 years
ago, and has been with 2 guys and myself.
She is very insecure about the fact that I
have had *way* more experience than her,
but honestly...Those guys she slept with,
probably gets to me just as much as mine
get to her.
It's not a topic we get onto very often,
cause she starts to feel bad about it.
But numbers really mean nothing. Provided
you're both clean, and playing it safe,
and genuinely care for one another, don't
let numbers get between you.
The days of chastity are almost dead, and
where I come from, virginity means "not
pregnant yet". Luckily I had an open
minded mother who made sure I was well
informed and smart about sex.
If it truly affects you, the best medicine
is conversation. But remember, you can't
change who your partners *were* and to
beat yourself up over a time in their life
when you weren't part of it, is not
healthy for your relationship.
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talk_the_talk
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 May 2006 Posts: 2 Location: B.C.
Posted: 05-18-06 12:45pm
Wow i'm the exact opposite of you my
girlfriend has slept with 15 guys and i've
only slept with her and it's ripping me
apart that she has slept with so many
guys. She doesn't think its a high number
because her girlfriends all have higher
numbers. In the five months before I met
her she had slept with five guys in that
time. I got to stop typing i'm pissing
myself off too much
