Do I Have Social Anxiety? Posted: 12-29-05 01:57am
For most of my life, I have been rather
unsocial. In high school, I was the quiet
one with the rather dark personality who
kept to herself. Now that I am out of the
house and in college, i'm still not
social. If it's possible, i'm less social
now than I was before. I don't visit
anyone, I don't go to parties, and I don't
speak to people. I have 2 real friends in
college, one of which is dropping out
because he feels he's not getting anything
out of the courses. Many times I have
cried out of loneliness. I have had so
many people tell me to just go make
friends, but they have no idea how hard
that is for me.
I can't just go talk to some stranger.
Even if they start talking to me, I
usually say as little as possible. I
don't do this on purpose - it's a natural
reaction. I'm not used to being social.
I don't speak to anyone in school that I
don't know, which is about 99% of the
student body. I don't even talk to my
roommates very much.
I'm also very anxious about getting a job.
I've never worked before, and the thought
of getting a job is very daunting to me
because it's out of the apartment...You
know, it's in a social atmosphere. I know
I need to work so I can have some money in
my pocket for supplies (i go to an art
college), food, and the bit for the
occasional trip to the arcade for some
ddr. But I just am too damn anxious about
working because I know i'll need to
interact with others. My social skills
are pretty much nonexistant, so I don't
know how i'd survive an interview without
looking like a complete retard, or how I
could pretend to be cheerful to customers
to promote a positive image.
You would think being in college would
give me a sense of independence, and make
me more inclined to be social...But
college life has actually made me more of
a hermit than I was in high school, which
I didn't think was possible. My life has
been pretty sheltered for the past 18
years - I never even went to visit any
friends from high school, with the
exception of my boyfriend. I never did
anything outside my house because real
civilization was about 10+ miles away and
I never had any means of transportation.
Also, my mom never encouraged me to get
out and do anything...In fact, she was
more in favor of me being a homebody so
she could keep an eye on me or something.
I don't know...Maybe she didn't want her
little baby to actually try to have a
life.
I really don't want these feelings to
interfere with the possibilty of me
finding work. As far as the friends issue
goes...Well...At some point, I probably
wouldn't care less if I had no friends in
college.
------------------------
do I have social anxiety? Or is it
something else?
I would sincerely appreciate any thoughts
on this. I know no one can diagnose me
here, but have any of you had similar
experiences?
|
sad_eyes
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Aug 2005 Posts: 96
Posted: 12-29-05 02:52am
Hi,
you do seem pretty socially anxious. Do
you have phobias which involve a fear of
talking in public, eating in public etc?
Do you think that maybe you could be
suffering from depression, or low self
esteem too? - these can be causes of
social isolation.
I am also socially anxious compared to
others, but this is lessoning as I get
older maybe because I chose to undertake
work in an environment which involves
talking to others.
It might help to visit your gp if you feel
that anti-anxiety medication may be of
help to you. Or a college counsellor may
be able to help - by practising cognitive
therapy with you or pointing you in the
right direction for further help.
It can very daunting making the decision
to find a job, or visiting a therapist etc
- it gets better with time, and you may be
glad you pushed yourself into these
decisions in order to improve the quality
of your future life.
Take care.
|
Cambion
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Nov 2005 Posts: 736 Location: Earth
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 12-29-05 11:47am
Hey there, sad_eyes.
To answer your questions, yes I do have a
fear of talking in public, and I usually
feel uncomfortable eating in public only
when i'm alone. I feel as if everyone is
watching me if I eat by myself in a public
place. I know I suffer my bouts of
depression, especially when I get lonely
and cry myself to sleep. I'm in a fit of
depression right now since one of my only
college friends is leaving for good - i've
been crying about it on and off since last
night.
On a couple of occasions I tried to slit
my wrists, but I didn't give myself much
more than a scratch because I can't take
physical pain. As far as self-esteem
goes...I don't have any. I've never
believed in myself or believed I could do
anything. I feel i'm a failure at
everything and that it will only be a
matter of time before I fail out of
college. I don't even know why I went to
college - I know I don't belong there. I
don't have the mind or the desire - I was
more or less forced into college, and i'm
not getting anything out of the
experience.
My fear of working has gotten to a point
where I have contemplated suicide as a way
to escape having to actually live. I know
i'll need to get a job once I graduate to
start paying off my loans, and I have
seriously wanted to kill myself just so I
don't need to endure life.
I know, i'm a mess..
|
sad_eyes
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Aug 2005 Posts: 96
Posted: 12-29-05 12:34pm
Hi,
do you feel able to talk to a college
counsellor? Or would you find it too
difficult?
Do you have any positive or negative
methods of coping or expressing your
feelings? Do you think you need to find
more effective ways of coping?
Could you maybe do some voluntary work,
maybe half a day a week or something just
to get used to new environments etc? What
career are you thinking of going into?
Have you got any ambitions such as wanting
to travel etc?
Sorry if I ask so many questions!!
Take care.
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Cambion
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Nov 2005 Posts: 736 Location: Earth
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 12-29-05 23:08pm
I don't think I could easily or
comfortably discuss these problems face to
face with a stranger.
I have never been good at expressing my
feelings, whether they are good or bad.
When i'm happy, it hardly shows - I never
get excited about anything and make it
noticeable visually. Also, I never really
show my negative emotions. I never show
anger, frustration, or sadness openly.
I keep everything bottled up inside, and,
if these feelings I keep bottled up are
all negative, I wait until I know i'll
have time alone for a while. Then I lock
myself in my room and cry into my pillow
for up to an hour. After I cry, I usually
feel better, if I don't cry myself to
sleep first.
I've never done volunteer work before. I
do not really like being around people, as
said, and I especially do not like
children. Oh I dislike children so much,
but that's another story. I don't know if
I would find volunteering appealing.
As far as my career goes, if I live long
enough to pursue one :? , i'm honestly
on the fence at this point. I'm in
college majoring in game design, but it's
not really what I want to do. Honestly,
the thought of having to interact with a
big group of people makes the career look
very unappealing.
I'll admit to this too - i'm not a team
player. I don't conform well in groups.
I am very accustomed to doing everything
on my own. I just can't work well with
others in a group.
The career I wish to pursue, assuming I
have the talent, is comic book art. I
wish to write and draw my own comics, with
only the publishing left to someone else.
This career suits me a little better - I
can work at home, make my own hours, and
not have to be around people I don't
like.
I really have no ambitions such as
traveling, or pursuing more education
after college. The only real plan I have
made for my life after college is to curl
up and die under a rock - I don't know
where or how I want to live.
Please feel free to ask as many questions
as you like - i'll answer them to the best
of my abilities :)
--------------
cambion
|
snowygirl
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Oct 2005 Posts: 807 Location: hawaii
Hi Cambion I Hope U Can Get Over Ur Social Anxiety Posted: 12-30-05 00:45am
And have more fun in life. Can I ask how
u met ur bf im curious?
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Cambion
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Nov 2005 Posts: 736 Location: Earth
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 12-30-05 02:11am
I sure feel like i'm patrolling these
forums waiting for replies...
As for my boyfriend, snowygirl, well...The
way I met him was like something out of a
soap opera. I developed a little crush on
him while I was with my ex - nothing
serious. It was just sort of the "he's
cute" feeling, which I think a lot of
girls get regardless of their relationship
status.
When my ex and I began to have some major
problems, I would always talk to seth, who
was my ex's best mate. Through seth's
counseling and compassion, we got to know
each other better, and we became best
friends.
Eventually, I fell head over heels for
seth. It took me two months, but I
finally left my ex and immediately pursued
seth. I was crazy about him, and six
months later, i'm still crazy about him.
I'm also glad that he and my ex are
friends again, and my ex and I can speak
civilly to each other as friends without
him hitting on me.
But in relation to my social
issue...During the time I was with my ex
and currently, my boyfriend(s) was the
only one I visited. I never saw any of my
high school friends outside school.
--------------------
honestly, my fun in life is sitting in my
quiet corner drawing or writing. Or
playing a few rounds of ddr, my new
obsession. Most college students' idea of
fun is getting drunk off their ass and
getting lucky...Not so with me, which, I
think, is another reason why I have made
so few friends in college.
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trishabunny
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 216 Location: manitoba
Posted: 12-30-05 02:39am
You may have social phobias but you dont
have to kill youself
i have social phobias too but I wouldnt do
a thing like that
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sad_eyes
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Aug 2005 Posts: 96
Posted: 12-30-05 06:21am
Hi,
i feel the same way too sometimes, I have
social anxiety and I keep myself to myself
alot find it hard to express myself
verbally and I don't like to go out
drinking either.
Sometimes I like to be around other people
but when i'm really depressed I just want
to hibernate and keep away from everyone,
they only make me feel worse. Especially
at the moment I feel like everyone hates
me, and i'm such a bad person. I could
curl up in a ball and sleep forever
sometimes!!
Last edited by sad_eyes on 12-30-05 15:11pm; edited 1 time in total
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trishabunny
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 216 Location: manitoba
Some Advice Posted: 12-30-05 14:55pm
Did you know that there is a thing called
a group and its for people who have social
phobias and anxiety diorder and they help
you over come it
and for the whole self esteem thing why
dont you go to the hairdressers and get a
haircut and go out and buy some new
clothes or somthing that usually helps
boosts my self esteem because when I look
good I feel good about myself. And I used
to be really shy and stuff like that and
didnt like talking to people either but
that is just somthing that you have to
overcome.It really help to overcome it by
getting a job that I have to interact with
people.Then after a while I got used to it
but it did take a little while to get
where I am now you just more less have to
force youself then you will overcome it.
Just relax and go with the flow.
Hope that helped
|
sad_eyes
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Aug 2005 Posts: 96
Posted: 12-30-05 15:39pm
Yeh buying clothes and having my hair
styled makes me feel better too - I plan
on doing these things when I finish
studying and hopefully manage to get a
job.
It's not just social anxiety - it's
depression and other problems that pull
you down so much that sometimes it's so
difficult to motivate yourself to do even
simple things to help improve yourself.
Sometimes I have so many long term things
I need to focus on and sort out, that my
mind becomes a total fog and I end up not
being able to focus on any of them very
well.
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Cambion
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Nov 2005 Posts: 736 Location: Earth
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 12-30-05 17:24pm
I would go buy new clothes, but I have
seriously not a dime to my name right now.
I spent nearly $300 earlier in the week
on video games and a ps2, and that was all
my saved money. I would like some new
clothes since i've gained about 10 pounds
since I began college and I can't get my
ass into half of my pants.
As far as styling my hair, I don't like
any "styles" besides straight and down.
I've never styled my hair o.O I dyed my
hair blue about 2 months ago and i'd like
to dye it black, but I don't have money
for dye -.-
i really do hope someday I can overcome
this nonsense i'm going through. Every
time I think about certain things that
involve being in a social setting or
involve me being the center of attention,
I never want to go through with them.
I didn't want to go to my high school
graduation because I knew i'd be in front
of a whole damn crowd. I don't like when
my family has birthday parties for me
because I get so anxious being sung to and
knowing everyone is focused on only me.
Being forced to give oral presentations in
school was like torture for me...I'd lose
all the color in my face, my voice would
get jittery, and I would stumble over my
words. Either that or I would talk extra
fast, trying to get it over with sooner,
and no one would understand me. I'm
considering dropping out of college later
on just to avoid my speech class in my
third year!
Hell, I don't even want to have a real
wedding! I would love to marry my
boyfriend, but I don't think I could get
through a real wedding without fainting or
running and hiding in a corner. I
couldn't handle all that attention on me.
I would much rather just go and be married
by a pastor rather than make our marriage
some huge family debacle. But I know i'd
get hell from everyone for it if I went
that route.
Ahh I hate being me! :cry:
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snowygirl
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Oct 2005 Posts: 807 Location: hawaii
Hi Cambion Yeah My Mom Is Like That Too Posted: 12-30-05 17:50pm
She likes me to stay home more too. She
would get mad when I go out with my bf and
not stay home and stuff to keep her
company. But im old enough so I think she
should let me have more freedom and
independence. Maybe your mom should not
try to keep you at home as much, then you
can go out and start interacting more with
pple and making friends and stuff. Then
maybe u can overcome ur social anxiety?
Does your mom let you see ur bf often just
curious?
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sweet74
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2005 Posts: 2 Location: missouri
Re: Do I Have Social Anxiety? Posted: 12-31-05 14:54pm
Hi..... I definetly think you should see
someone.... Whether it be a counselor or
Dr. Etc it sounds like you have social
anxiety disorder maybe mixed with some
depression. Have you thought about seeing
a dr?? I have always been really
outgoing, but I had a boyfriend who had
social anxiety disorder, and he seriously
was like a hermit. He couldn't help it.
What a burden to carry around. I pray for
the best....Crystal
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