Do Not Lose Hope!

Hello, i'm 23 and have been suffering from this insidious disease for about 3 years now. Depression is such a complicated matter and seems almost impossible to overcome. What intrigues me are the reasons why people hold on to their lives and not lose hope. I would like to share a certain experience that happened to me about a year and a half ago. It gives me hope in times of darkness and utter despair.

One particular night I had a spectacular dream that I will never forget. The thing that makes it so special is that it wasnt' just a dream but the most precious and elusive thing that anyone could possibly experience as a living human being. In my dream, I was using the washroom at the place that I worked at the time. Suddenly I heard what sounded like a mob outside banging on the door, an angry mob at that. I became panic stricken and I did not want to know what was out there. Eventually the door opened and the mob became utterly silent. There was one face in the crowd that I could not avert my eyes from; a clean cut man with a goatee about the same age as i, grinning at me as if he knew something I didn't. Although he looked normal as anyone else, he invoked a fear inside my gut greater than anything I had known. Instantly, the scene shifted and I was alone in a hallway with this man. I was crouching on the floor against the wall in a fetal position because I was so afraid and shocked with fear; the kind of fear you experience when your life flashes before your eyes, only this time it was a sustained fear too intense for words. I was dying from this fear and the man was at my side, enjoying my pain, smiling. In a moment, he left and I felt relieved for an instant. But he came back, the source of all evil and suffering, but this time he spoke to me. He had my beating heart in his hand and said " do you remember the pain you had felt before? Well you are going to feel it again". He began squeezing my heart in his hand, and I began to slip away in sheer horror.

The next part of this dream is what i've been getting to. I had passed on from this moment of sheer terror too immense for words, and was propelled into a white light. I was floating and I felt the most incredible peace embrace me that I thought could only exist in the afterlife. There was no thought, no despair, no worries.......Just pure euphoria. There was nothing to think about, it was only to be felt. If I could measure the time that had passed, if that is even possible it lasted for about 5 seconds. As I opened my eyes, I felt myself move up from under and into my body. I could not feel my body, I was paralysed. Have you ever fallen asleep on your arm at night and woke up to feel the blood rush back into it? This was the same, only the blood warming sensation ran through my entire body as I came back. I was lying perfectly flat on my back with my arms and legs spread out evenly.

If you believe in a higher power, I hope this anecdote will give you hope that we are not alone, and that strength can come from strange places.

This is my reason for holding on to life. I truly believe that a life of depression is one second compared with the rest of eternity that awaits us all. All I can say is that a "heaven" does exist and it is up to us on how we get there.

As for all of you reading this, what gives you hope in overcoming depression?