I'm Ugly And Will Always Be Alone Posted: 12-31-05 19:51pm
I truly believe I am a failure with
finding a gf because I am ugly.
About me: i'm 6',36,swm never had a
serious gf, receding hairline but not
bald, quiet but sociable, intelligent and
slender. However, my face is ugly. I
have no cheeks and ugly features in
general. I look slavik, as i've been
told.
I have emailed hundreds of women online
with the ability to engage their interest.
However, as soon as I email them a pic of
myself, they never respond back. This
proves my appearance is a turnoff! The
picture is also the best and most accurate
I can send. I've tried various pics and
the one I send is in the best lighting,
best appearance I could get of myself. I
can email it to you for honest feedback if
you'd like. Anyway, i've posted a picture
personals online with match.Com and
emailed literally 100s of women with no
response or a negative one. Apart from
online, in day to day living, women have
no interest in me. My failure with women
has gotten me very depressed and wishing
to kill myself. However, I can't even do
that because my mom is still alive and
very attached to me, so I don't have the
heart to do that to her - I have to
continue living this lonely life. I was
just wondering if anyone could give me
honest advice on how to accept the fact
that I am ugly and will never marry. I
know this sounds sad, but I also know as I
approach age 36 that it is going to be a
reality. Any advice would be greatly
appreciated. Thanks!
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snowygirl
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Oct 2005 Posts: 807 Location: hawaii
Hi Steve I Sent U a Priv. Message Posted: 12-31-05 21:29pm
Did u received it?
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rosy_chick_4u
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Dec 2005 Posts: 13 Location: Houston TX
Posted: 12-31-05 21:58pm
Hey
this might sound dumb coming from an 18 yr
old, but I wanted to let you know that not
evrey one was meant to look lika a super
model or anything lik that. You shouldnt
put yourself down sooo much if those women
have hav turned you down jus becauswse of
you appaerance are shallow and selfish.
You need to see the good thingws about
your self. See about 1 1/2 I tried to
kill myself might sound stupid but I guess
thats what happend. I know what was so
bad. I cant even really point out a
specific thing but it all drove me to that
choice. I cant compare but I jus wanted
to tell you thats not the way to go. I
was under pressure and everyone picked on
me for 1 thing or other. I jus couldnt
take goin to school. I cant believe I put
my family threw that.
Okay to my next point in therapy they
made me write down a list of things I
liked about myself and encourage them. I
had to make a weekly goal list like to
make a new friend or to cry one night
less(like in the movies I used 2 cry
myself 2 sleep). At 1st I thought wow
this was incredibly ridiculous I dont like
myself what could I find,but I notice
inner features I had that made me a
stronger person. You can find that person
out there if you your self believe in you
and dont rely on what others think baut
you. You know things might look bad but
dont let them tower you down. Pull yous
self thru it. You can do it !!! All you
need is a few good friends to keep you
company, dont forget that youll always hav
your family. Dont worry that person for
you is out there shes just hiding right
now shes playhing hard to get :lol:.
Hopefully this helps you a little or some.
I didnt know how to write it private but
I wanted to tell you that your no alone.
I wish you the best and happy new year.
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Linz1987
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Dec 2005 Posts: 9 Location: Durham
Posted: 01-01-06 08:00am
Hi steve
i used to and sometimes still feel like
you are. I was always used to think that
I was too ugly that no one would ever be
interested in me. Then I met this great
lad who was interested in me so it just
shows that someone may fancy us all we
need to do is keep looking. It shows that
your self-esteem is really down, my
friends always used to tell me to write a
list of all of the qualities that are good
about you then get your friends to do the
same. Not everyone goes for looks, just
try and keep your head up and enjoy
yourself then people will see the great
you.
I hope you have a happy new year. X
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luvmytracer
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Aug 2005 Posts: 2
Keep Your Head Up Posted: 01-01-06 18:14pm
Well I know how u feel. About feeling
ugly and no one wants of the other sex
wants you. I never had boyfriends when I
was in school. I was always teased and
told I was ugly. You know how kids can
be. I was not pretty and I had thick
glasses after highschool I got contacts
but still didnt get attention from the
other sex. So what I did was I prayed to
god and asked for him to please find me a
boyfriend. Well funny thing is I worked
with a guy that didnt like me made nasty
comments to me or about me. Well one day
I was snide and said so do I look better
now that I have contacts and he said yes!
And that started a conversation that led
to him asking me out. And now we have
been married 13yrs. So dont give up!! I
know lots of people dont want to hear it
but go to the lord. Pray to him ask
him for help. He will answer your prayers
have faith in him there is a song that u
could listen to it makes me feel better in
bad times. Its by casting crowns its
called
the voice of truth. Its about how the
world brings u down but just listen to the
voice of truth (god) and you will know
everthing will be ok. Check it out im
sure you may like it actually the whole
cd is great .
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xxtaraxx
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Nov 2005 Posts: 13 Location: adelaide aus
Oi Posted: 01-02-06 10:30am
Those chicks are idiots if there going to
judge someone by there looks alone, you
dont want a chick like that!!
Some people dont find there true love
until there 60!
Keep your head up, dont let some chicks
(probally fakes) get you down.
You've probally got a beautiful
personality and thats what counts!
You dont wanna be "hot" anyways! Most hot
guys are so stuck up!
I actualy find hot guys a turn off!
Trust me, there are good ones out there!
Dont ever let someone make you upset, they
aint worth it.
Keep smilin!
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Jenny77
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2005 Posts: 7 Location: Louisiana
Outer Appearance Posted: 01-02-06 19:52pm
Hello steve. I have never dated, and I
am 28 years old. All my life I have
always felt that I am physically
unattractive. However, I try to work on
my inside because really that is what
counts in this life and the next one. I
do not view relationships or marriages as
the only fulfillments in this world. I
am pretty sure that I will never marry,
but that does not bother me one bit. Get
involved in something you really like or
use your talents. If it is meant for you
to be married, one day you will meet the
right person. Believe it or not there
are some people out there who are not
shallow about physical appearances. Do
not feel that you are the only person who
is alone or unmarried because there are
plenty of us out there. You just need to
realize that alone does not mean loser;
it's what you do with your time that
counts. I hope this helps.
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Oedipus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2005 Posts: 2 Location: Toronto, Canada
Posted: 01-03-06 00:13am
I know this will sound cliche, but
remember that cliches also ring with
truth. Our character is what makes us
human and sets us apart. I envy those who
exude confidence, showing that they are
comfortable with who they are regardless
of their attrativeness because I myself
am not comfortable with myself, although I
don't have any problems with my outer
appearance. I've often thought that I
would trade a limb or other physical
deficiency if only I could make peace with
myself according to ability, intellect,
talent, etc. My attitude is the exact
opposite of yours, and yes i've gotten so
low at times that I would fall in love
with the idea of suicide.
The cure to our sickness is a matter of
acceptance. If everyone accepted your
"ugliness" than you would probably have
more luck with women as a direct result.
But we all know that the world doesn't
work that way. So the accepting will have
to be done by you; accepting yourself.
Remember that attractiveness is a two fold
entity, and so are relationships for that
matter. Outer appearance and inner
qualities compliment each other and a
quality relationship may initially form by
either. It seems that everywhere you
look, good looking people get together and
"ugly" people get together. But these
attractive people only happen to last
because they have grown to love each other
inside and out. I've known people
including mysef who have foolishly tried
to save a dysfunctional relationship
because they could not give up their
"trophy" partner, even though it was the
cause of so much emotional pain.
There are only two ways that you can
attract another person from the get go;
physically and mentally/emotionally.
Consider these as weapons in catching your
prey; your best being your mental
"weapons". Once you've established a
mental attraction, just know that the
potential for a relationship sparked in
this way, is limitless. And then you will
begin to look even more attractive on the
outside because it becomes representitave
of the real you.
You see, everyone deserves to be loved.
Some people have the advantage of being
able to initiate many relationships at
will. But they often aren't happy in the
end because they're only concerned about
outer beauty. There is a difference
between quality and quantity. The
advantage you have is qualitative, because
once you meet someone out of mental
attraction, you'll know you've bagged
someone worth holding onto. A
relationship formed in this is far more
promising than the other.
So try not to worry about how few
relationships you are able to form.
Instead, when you do meet someone (which
i'm sure you will) make sure you realize
what's really important. Also, just know
that there are tons of people that would
like to trade shoes with you. Our
problems are as unique as ourselves,and
while you may think you want to look like
someone else, think again. There is no
one else in the universe who is the same
as you. Cherish your identity. I'm still
finding mine.
Good luck
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Hypochondriac1028
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Mar 2005 Posts: 313 Location: Ohio
Posted: 01-05-06 20:36pm
Man im ugly as medical answer and I still
have girls wanting to go with me. I
pulled all the girls ive ever had from my
personaltiy. U gotta be funny and act
like u just dont care what people think
about u
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czarg
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Jan 2006 Posts: 68 Location: Lagos-Nigeria
Ugly Yet Fine. Posted: 01-13-06 21:19pm
Steve, beauty is always from the inside.
You may be as handsome as rio ferdinand
(manchester united) but have an attitude
problem like wayne rooney (manchester
united).
Yr personality counts more than yr face.
Somewhere someone is studying you and
appreciating what you do - with time, you
will hook up.
Yr present mind state will wreck yr view
of life cuz that is low esteem. Wake up
man and be upbeat.
Sam
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Justinbond
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Jan 2006 Posts: 1
I'm Ugly! Posted: 01-31-06 23:11pm
Hey! I'm 18 years old and i've never
even had agirlfriend. I know i'm ugly
because everyone since freakin 7th grade
has told me so. But I don't care
anymore. Screw it. I don't care if a
girl ever likes me or any of that. I'll
be alone. Who cares?
I am going to try and give you (what I
consider to be) useful, as oppose to
consolitory, advice. Appologies if it
comes of as harsh or uncaring -- that is
not my intent. I personally believe that
it's better to acknowledge the negative,
and then head towards the positive than
getting caught up in trying to dismiss the
negative directly. This is a map that
worked for me:-
i, too, am a bloke who has been hit with
the ugly stick. I'm going to be
controvential and tell you that: yes, you
are probably are ugly -- if that many
women online turn you down, probably the
pictures are putting women off. Since a
very lonely adolescence I have, however,
managed to turn things around get together
with a few women so maybe I can give you
some pointers. I really am quite ugly. I
was told regularly as an adolescent. It
is demonstrated to me regularly now (i'm
22).
First of all: contrary to your belief,
women do not rate looks as very important.
And what they mean by looks actually
means: confidence, dress sense, the way
you carry yourself and a lot of other
things. Using the internet personals is a
bad idea beacause:
a) you are judged largely on your simple
visual appearance. You could probably be
perceived as much more attractive in
person, as a dynamic entity.
B) men outnumbered women significantly (up
to 10-1) on those things (despite the
sites taking labours to hide that fact),
so the women are looking to veto you on
whatever they can. You have managed to
find the worst possible audience in my
opinion.
The vast majority of relationships I know
of came about through meeting socially,
i.E. Through mutual friends. People like
us benefit from presenting ourselves as
ambigous between friend/lover initially.
(do not act asexual though; and beware of
befriending in the hope of making a gf
later). Social occassions do this
perfectly. This is probably where your
future girlfriend will come from. If you
want more opportunities (and I suggest you
do), then join lots of clubs, societies,
learn salsa, whatever -- just get out
there and interact.
Once you've met socially, looks fall even
further down the list. It's really down
to personality. Honestly. One woman I
got together with was model beautiful. I
got her largely because I had something in
common with her: we were both socially
ostracized in our own ways. Her because
nearly all women were envious, and men
couldn't see past her beauty and treat her
like a human being; and I was ostracized
because of looks/being a bit wierd. I
could relate to her experience better than
the vast majority of (more attractive)
guys.
Part of it is belief. If you think of
yourself as unattractive, then people will
see you as unattractive. It will be
projected in your body language. So you
need to either: 1) stop thinking of
yourself as unattractive; or 2) realize
that looks really don't matter as much as
you think.
And a final note: i'm guessing that if you
think looks matter to girls that's
probably a reflection of looks in girls
mattering to you. If you really search
your soul, you will probably realize that
looks matter to you to a significant
extent because you want your peers'
approval of your choice of mate. I think
the same is true, or even more true, of
women. Realizing your own bias, if you
have it, may open doors for you -- do you
really care what your peers think? Also,
use this information will tell you that
targetting women who are away from their
friends will be profitable. You will get
a fairer shot. So, again, consider clubs
and societies carefully, and lone women
whenever you happen to bump into. (once
you're off the starting square in the
relationship the peer factor will become
successively less important).
Good luck! Try to see the positive, and
focus on what you can change (your
attitudes, dress sense, etc.) rather on
what you can't. When looks don't matter
to you they will, by reflection, cease to
matter to the women you are interested in
either. Also dispell any belief you have
in a woman being "out of your league";
there is no such thing.
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S_simon_S_82
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Feb 2006 Posts: 1 Location: UK
More Advice Posted: 02-06-06 20:20pm
I agree with a lot of what epip says.
I think though, you need to challenge some
of the thoughts you've demonstrated in
that 1 post.
You're 36 and you say you've never had a
serious girlfriend, but all of a sudden
your life depends on finding someone to
fend off 'loneliness'? Remember the good
times in life, your 21st birthday, passing
your driving test, successes at work, all
the good times you've had.. You did all
that without a girlfriend, you are
therefore capable of being happy without
someone being there.
I think you need to challenge the fact
that meeting someone and marriage is going
to be a cure to whatever you think is
wrong in your life, speak to people that
are married, you will hear a different
story from some people... The loss of
freedom, independence etc...
You're still a young man at 36 forget how
you perceive yourself to be, enjoy your
life for what it is, if you're happy and
pleasant to be around, you stand a
brilliant percentage chance of meeting
someone, and you won't even have to send a
hundred emails.
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light_bright
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Feb 2006 Posts: 10
Don't Let It Bring You Down!! Posted: 02-06-06 20:35pm
Hi steve I want to first tell you no
matter what happens in life never think of
killing yourself god will never forgive
you for that. I think no matter how a
person looks we should all be accepted in
this world. Everyone is not going to look
like a million dollars some people may
feel that they are the best looking but
sometimes that's life. God made you the
way you are for a purpose. You are not
put on this earth to impress anyone but
god and yourself. No matter what you say
everyone is special in god's eyes. You
may not get a compliment on how you look
all the time or maybe never but don't let
it bother you. Rememeber one thing
sometimes it is depressing to feel alone
but if you have your family and god then
you are never alone. There is someone out
there for you trust me it is someone for
everyone. You may not find anyone now but
give it time.Just rememeber you came into
the world by yourself and that's how you
leave. Remember there are worst
situations in the world not saying that
yours isn't important.Don't let looks make
you or break you because in the end you
can only make yourself happy!!!
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socrates
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Feb 2006 Posts: 3
Posted: 02-19-06 04:27am
Me and you share a similar problem.
However, I used to be the exact opposite
and used to hook up with girls at will,
however, I am convinced i've lost my good
looks just as much as your'e convinced.
. And I too, am an ugly person, it's
taken a lot of convincing, but I have
finally aceepted it, and it was a hard
crash for me. My social life is almost
non existant, my phone dont ring hardly at
all. Nobody wants to know how im doing,
and sometimes it gets to me. At social
events, girls just look right past me and
over to the next guy. I have accepted
it.
Here is what I do, and maybe this might
help you, .... Let me know....
I take advantage of this "free time" by
exercising my mind, my body, and my
future. Let me explain
1) I read at least 1 hour a day anything,
no matter what it is. I try to learn new
information daily.
2) and there is no remedy in the world
like working out. I'm not great looking,
but my body is almost up there with the
best of them, and I get recognition for
that in the gym, by guys and girls. It's
an ego booster, and when i'm really
stressed out, I just release my anger at
the bench press, and it makes you push
harder, thus get bigger.
I would suggest to you to start working
out, and since your single, spend an hour
or two a day in the gym. caca, if no
ones gonna call me to hang out, I might as
well try to get buff.
And finally, use this opportunity to focus
on a career, focus on your future
financially, and since your not that great
looking, bury yourself in the books and
educate yourself or take classes in order
to achieve success financially. In the
end, you will be more attractive as an
achiever, and after all, those are the
type of girls you want to attract.
Let me know what you think. Chico
bacano1@yahoo.Com
here's a comparison... You landed
yourself in jail, and have to serve a 2
year sentence. Theres no way your going
to get laid for 2 years. Wont you spend
that time improving everything about you?
Or just sit around and mope?
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w0rldd0minat0r
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Feb 2006 Posts: 238
Posted: 02-26-06 16:02pm
Are women everything in life?
Dont feel down about not being able to
find the right woman the right one has to
come along sometime I am male and
hetrosexual but when I read what u wrote I
noticed that there is a beautiful person
inside of u. I am sorry that the world is
caught up with looks I myself try not to
go based on looks and have had many more
sucessful gf doing so based just on
personalities
what u need to do is concentrate on women
seeing what you feelings are like on the
inside and there bound to fall for u you
sound like a really caring nice bloke who
just needs someone to share your life with
they will come along concentrating on
opening up to women letting them see the
real you. You should try and see someone
about that if u dont feel confident
opening up to women. I hope it all works
itself out for u
stay positive gavin
right back
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hamza
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jul 2006 Posts: 4 Location: Falls church, va
Re: I'm Ugly And Will Always Be Alone Posted: 07-26-06 23:36pm
Hello, please send me your pic to gerfupl@
hotmail.Com and I will honestly tell
you how I think you look. I have the same
problem thinking i'm ugly but I will send
you my pic. Too. Let me know, thanks.
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vindrell
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Jul 2006 Posts: 1 Location: OK
Posted: 07-27-06 23:28pm
Hey steve, I feel just as alone and
depressed as you. My thing is i'm not
really a terrible looking guy, just kind
of average joe-ish. Not to big, not to
small. Not great looking but not bad
looking. Just the typical looking guy.
It's just i've never had any luck with
women at all. I do mean at all. No
kiss, no dates, no nothing, and i'm 22
now. I do feel like it's pointless to
ever consider a girlfriend because it's
just automatic that nothing ever happens,
and the one girl that has actually
seemingly really showed intrest in me and
thought I might actually have a chance
with, turned out to have no intrest in me
and now every time I see her it's terribly
akward. And this was really
heartbreaking for me. I mean this girl
was pretty perfect for me, but I ask her
out and she never actually said no, just
sort of danced around it and she's always
avoiding me now. It's just a bad
situation now and any chance I had with
her is over because if she wanted a date
with me, she'd be going on it and not
avoiding me like the plague.
And I think me being so lonely also leads
to my severe mood swings. I'm not always
depressed but I can go from content to
some of the lowest lows and pissed off
highs you'd ever see. Just two days ago
I cried into my pillow for 15 minutes or
so for no particular reason other than i'm
just always alone, I mean I have my family
but you really want something more. If I
didn't have my family I would of killed
myself long ago. It would be to lonely
to go on.
So steve you want to talk ever just pm me.
Maybe our current views on life can take
out some of the darkness and let some
light shine.
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nat3
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Posts: 2 Location: rotherham
Posted: 07-28-06 12:57pm
Hi all I want to say is beauty comes from
within.If you have a good sense of humour
and can make a girl laugh you are 9 tenths
of the way there sweetheart.Dont be so
hard on yourself .
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
You Are Not Ugly! Posted: 07-28-06 15:00pm
I realize this post started out quie a
while ago but I too think it shoud
continue that is why I am adding on to it.
Now, if you are charles manson, I would
agree that you are ugly as he is ugly
within, some of the garbage that he has
pulled or has started. I agree with alot
of the other posters, beauty is within!
And posting you picture on the internet is
not always the wisest thing to do. I do
not believe that you are ugly!
I was born with a birthmark I was tall and
heavy a lot of my childhood and people can
be cruel, I was really upset one day when
a kid asked me what was on my face and the
parent grabbed the child and told the
child not to be asking questions like
that, I felt the adult was acting more
immature than the child as I realize that
kids are going to ask and when I grew up I
learned how cruel kids could be but it
just taught me to be a little bit tougher.
Iknew a lady one time that her brother
threw her doll in the fireplace and she
went in to get it and had burns all over
her body including her hands and legs and
face but was the nicest person that their
could be and she could really make you
laugh! So we have to learn to be thankful
for what we do have as their are those
that are alot worse off than we are. If
you ever feel that you might need some
help with this discuss this with your Dr.,
and remember that we are here too and that
you are not alone. I would rather be
single and happy than be miserably with
someone. Sometimes you might find that
help at the end of your arm.
All the best to you!
