I am so depressed right now. I had gotten
my nails done about a week and a half ago.
I was scared to purge so I have npt done
it in a lil over 2 weeks but today I took
them all off. Since I have stopped
purging my self esteem has gone down. I
don't know what is wrong with me I keep
getting really depressed and I can't help
it. Like I have become antisocial in
school and don't really like being around
people anymore. I feel like I don't have
my security blanket anymore. I don't have
my blimia. I know it sounds reaaly dumb
but ever since I have stopped purging I
have like gone down hill with my emotions.
I don't have that controll that I once
had. All I feel like doin is crying. I
don't know why my emotions are like this
though. At first I was like ok well I
gained my controll back from this thing.
Now I don't care if it kills me I think if
I stop purging I will becoome morbidly
obese b/c all I will do is sit around
eating. I don't know I am gonna go. I
don't really expect people to write back
to this. I was just writing to get things
off my chest. Cause who else can I talk
to that knows what I am dealing
with.......... No one.
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inezrina
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Oct 2005 Posts: 174
Posted: 01-03-06 20:26pm
Hey girl-
i am sorry u are feeling so down. Hugs
from me. I think it is great u didn't
purge for 2 weeks but maybe it doesn't
feel like that to u since u actually feel
worse. But that is ok. Yes bulimia is
bad and in many ways is your enemy but it
has also been your friend. You know the
friend that is always there and friend you
go to so if nothing else u can atleast get
rid of that food. It is understandable
to miss that. I don't know maybe
recovery comes when u find that u are
happier without it. But it is ok to miss
it right now. It will get easier; it has
to.
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lonely_angel
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 128 Location: missouri
Posted: 01-03-06 22:12pm
I had a breaking point today. I purged, I
was so happy to do it. I mea it had been
so long. I know I shouldn't do it but I
can't resist. I mean everything is ok
when I am not in school. We were off for
a week and I was fine. Then I went back
today and I cracked. I started health
forum at people on my bus then got home
and was frustrated with everything.
School just gets me stressed out and I
want an escape from that. I feel nasty
cause yesterday I had jack in the box and
kfc. It all made me feel horrible and not
purging it was the worst for me. I need a
therapist but I can't get my mom to listen
to me. She tries to get me to take these
vitamin things and if I do everything is
ok with her. At times I just can't take
life iget to a point and I crack like I
did earlier. Thank you so much inezrina.
I think that my bulimia is the only friend
I have that I know I can acctually count
on when things get bad enough to were I
can't handle things. I know it won't turn
on me or leave me like everyone else in my
life does. I think I am just scared to
lose something tha ti have depended on so
much for my own personal happiness and
even thoughit has ruined some of my
health.
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inezrina
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Oct 2005 Posts: 174
Posted: 01-04-06 15:08pm
Hey it is ok to be scared to stop and feel
like u r left with nothing that is why
other things in your life have to be
looked at and changed. Sorry this quick
I am at school and my class meets again
soon. I have a thought that might be a
possibility is there another adult that u
can talk to about your eating disorder
that could then talk to your mother and
help your mom learn more about it and what
needs to be done. Because taking
vitamins isn't going to solve the problem
and they definitely don't make u feel
better and really that should be the goal.
Hope you have a good day.
Inezrina
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lonely_angel
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 128 Location: missouri
Posted: 01-04-06 20:10pm
No one that I know. My older sisters her
friends mom called and was telling my mom
that she needed to step up and be a mom
because I was sick. I know my mom does
care it is just the fact that the doctor
we went to made it seem like it was not a
big deal. Like oh heres the number to
this place she may not be able t get in
ther for 3 months but yaddadada. You
know. I had an ok day today but I have a
meeting with people from juvimile
tommarrow and they will more or less find
out about my ed and make my mom take me to
a therapist or something. My step-dad sys
that they might make me do counseling or
something so I don't know or they will
just put me o probation.
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inezrina
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Oct 2005 Posts: 174
Posted: 01-05-06 18:16pm
Hey, I hope the meeting went well let me
know. You'll be ok :)
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lonely_angel
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 128 Location: missouri
Posted: 01-05-06 23:50pm
The meeting went horrible. I found out
that my exboyfriend was a registered sex
offender. He is 18 and I am 16 and me and
him had sex like a while ago. I didn't
want to have sex with him but he really
pressured me into it. I had known him for
a while though to but I never knew that
bout him. I have known him since he
turned 17. Then I find this out 2 months
after we aren't together. I am like in
shock. I ended up getting health forum at
the whole time which made me frustrated
and I couldn't keep a straight face so I
like kinda kept on laughin cause I had to
hide my anger so I laughed about it. She
wanted me and my mom to see counseling.
My mom doesn't want to see a counselor. I
know I need to but I don't like talking to
people that easily. I have never just sat
and talked to someone about anything. I
am always scared to get criticized I
always did by my sisters. I decided not
to see the counselor either buti don't
know what my mom and step-dad decided
about that thoguh. I think that they
might make me see one but not sure yet.
One of the reasons I come on here so much
is b/c I can talk with people knowing what
I am talking about and how I feel so that
makes me feel a lil better when I can have
people understand a lil bit about me.
Even if I don't know them. I think the
main reason I don't want to see a
counselor is b/c I don't want to sit and
talk about my ed. I never really talked
about it to anyone. If I do it is to
people on here and it is just writing.
But yeah I have school in the morning so I
have to get off of here
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inezrina
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Oct 2005 Posts: 174
Posted: 01-07-06 19:39pm
Sweety I am sorry the meeting was so
stressful. However, I hope you change
you mind and see a counselor. I know
what u mean about talking to a stranger
and how hard it is. I am awful at
talking I mean really bad in fact usually
I write to my therapist and give her the
letters because it is so difficult for me
to talk when I am there. Then she
responds to what I wrote. Having lots of
support is good and this forum is great
for that but none of us r professionals or
99% of us I should say. And u know
what is really cool a lot of coubselors
become counselors because they were messed
up kid who were miserable and didn't have
help. If u have an experience like me u
will be totally shocked when your
counselor tells u a little about
themselves. It is easy to think that
most other peoples lives r great
especially when they r a counselor and
have steady job and r successful but it
isn't like that.
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inezrina
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Oct 2005 Posts: 174
Posted: 01-09-06 16:19pm
Hey I hope you r ok.
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lonely_angel
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 128 Location: missouri
Posted: 01-11-06 11:16am
I am doin ok I have been tanning so that
has been making me feel better about my
self. I ws always like really pale and
now I feel a lil prettier that I have some
color on my skin lol. I didn't purge
yesterday so I guess that is good. I also
kinda took a break form school I have only
gone once this week. Which I know is bad
but hey it was needed badly. How you been
