Pregnancy Forum - My Jerk of a Husband

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How would you feel if you were five months pregnant and your husband decided to take a job across the country and leave you behind?

You would support his decision and be happy about it
You would support his decision but be unhappy
You would not support it but still try to make the marriage work

3% [ 1 ]

30% [ 10 ]

66% [ 22 ]

Total Votes : 33

Q: My Jerk of a Husband

asked by: eurydicesmom on January 4th, 2006

New User

I'm five months pregnant and my husband was just offered the opportunity to move across the country to open up his own marketing office. Without asking me how I felt about it, he accepted the position. He told me about it after the fact and claims that he still loves me and wants our marriage to work. He claims that this is a major opportunity for him and that within the next two years he'll be making a hundred thousand dollars. He claims that he will send me money to take care of things here. I feel like i'm being abandoned. Because with him across the country he's going to miss all of the pregnancy milestones (this is my first baby) and possibly even the birth though he claims that he's got the month before my due date off to come back to the east coast. He was my only support (emotional) and I feel like he couldn't possibly care about me to do something like this right now. When we got into an argument about it he says that I can go with him but I explained to him that I can't go across the country right now because his company doesn't offer health insurance, mine does here and because I have no job waiting for me there and no one in their right mind is going to hire someone who is about to give birth in a few months. Also I don't want to go looking for a new doctor right now neither do I have the time, energy, or inclination to pack up a house on my own so that I can follow him. And I know that once the baby comes i'm darn sure not going to want to move. I tried to explain to him how important it is to me to feel stable and secure right now but he says that i'm making too much out of everything. I don't feel that I am. I feel that by doing this that this that he is putting an end to our marriage. He is saying that a paycheck is much more important to him than me or the baby. I feel bitter and rejected and i'm not even sure that I will want to make my marriage work. I am trying to get some different opinions here so that I can put this all into perspective....

Replies(29)

Assena

replied on January 4th, 2006

Experienced User

I don't mean to sound awful or insulting but I would support my husband and move with him. Don't get me wrong I would be angry with him for making the decision with out consulting me but if he felt that strongly about it I would have to respect that he had our best interests in mind.

As far as a job for you plenty of people move with thier spouces and find a job when they arrive. Employers can not discriminate if you are pregnant. I am assuming your current employer charges you for your insurance coverage. You know you can purchase individual coverage from any of the major insurance companies. The cost is not usualy that much more than what employers charge now.

To be honest it sounds like you don't want to even try. That is what life is about... Change happens whether you are a willing participant or going a long kicking and screaming.

Congradulations on your pregnancy and good luck in what ever you choose to do.

eurydicesmom

replied on January 4th, 2006

New User

This isn't even a sure fire deal. He and his company aren't even a hundred percent sure that this office is going to make it. If it does that's when he makes the money. If it doesn't then what? I'm stuck over there with no job, a new baby, an unemployed husband and no way to get back home? I think it's foolish for me to leave the security that I have right now to go across the country for something that isn't guaranteed, especially since my baby is due soon. And I think that if he really cared about us (me and baby) then he would have explained that he couldn't go anywhere now because of being my only form of emotional support. And I guess I wasn't clear. He never intended to take me until we got into an argument about him leaving me for an indefinite period of time to take this job.

And lets be honest, we all know that jobs are not supposed to discriminate based on pregnancy but they do. They don't say that they didn't hire you because you were pregnant. They just say that you somehow "weren't right for the position"

AlliE_18

replied on January 4th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

I think he should have waited until after your pregnancy, and after the baby is a few months old to be wanting to move that far away. Like you said you need his support at this time and he should realise that. But he wants to go away just so you can have more money, when his new job might not even happen. Hes being greedy and selfish in my opinion. Okay yeh the money will be for both of you if he makes it, but right now that shouldnt be his main priority, being there for you and the baby should be.

If I were you i'd tell him if you walk out on me, i'll leave. If he still does it, i'd pack up and move in with family, even if they dont live close by, at least then you will recieve the emotional support and love that you are going to need and wont be going through this pregnancy alone.

Be strong and goodluck!

lil_blaze2004

replied on January 4th, 2006

Moderator

I'd be pissed. Having and raising a baby is hard work and to do it alone is even harder. I don't have much family or support either and I feel like I am losing my mind (my son is 6 1/2 months old) can he talk to them and ask if it can be done at a later time so he can be with you? Argh this angers me right off. Men's lives don;t change nearly as much as ours do. Fuckers..

eurydicesmom

replied on January 4th, 2006

New User

He doesn't want to go later. He wants to go now. He acts like this is his only opportunity to run a business. When I suggested a year ago that we open our own business he turned up his nose at the idea. It just doesn't feel fair for him to pick up and run across the country while I have to stay here and do everything on my own. I don't even want to go to l.A. I've never wanted to live there. It scares me. We live in a city now that has a small town feel and I like that for my child. I won't be scared to just let my little girl go out and play here. I'd be scared to do that if I was raising her in la.

beachgirl1

replied on January 4th, 2006

Experienced User

I hear yah li-blaze2004. I recently just divorced my husband of 5 years who would have done the exact same thing. As a matter of fact I got pregnant during our marriage and he haunted me to get an abortion. Unfort. I had a misscarriage b/c the sob stressed me out so damn much. This sounds a little like selfishness to me. But sometimes you have to make a decision in marriage rather you want to or not. I say you go, he never mentioned that you go until the arguement so maybe if you act all excited about going maybe things will, for what ever reason, work out that he doesn't go, get my drift. I am a mondern day 30 year old divorcee and I learned my leason. Your a woman, you can handle this, just do what your heart tells you. Good luck! Fyi, do not stress to much! Things will work out they always do!

neeko177

replied on January 4th, 2006

Experienced User

Personally...Id be freaking out, my man would be sleeping on the couch for years if he even thought of doing that to me. I wouldnt want to leave either, it makes perfect sense to stay where you are, like you said security, and you prolly have family etc. He should have talked it over with you! Definately! But being ur first child together he shouldnt want to leave.. He should want to be there for it all.. And he should want to be in its life! Be part of changing him or her.. Feeding him or her.. Seeing there first steps etc.. Not be miles and miles away... Is it possible theres more behind him wanting to do this??? He brought a baby into this world and I think he needs to decide which is more important to him., his family, or a chance at a business...
His family is fure sure, the business is not

eurydicesmom

replied on January 6th, 2006

New User

Do you guys think it would be mean if I waited for him to go (he's leaving tomorrow) and then changed the phone number so he couldn't call me. I'm thinking of distancing myself because I don't really believe i'll get over it.

lil_blaze2004

replied on January 6th, 2006

Moderator

Ummmm, if you think you wanna separate then ya, but if you're just doing it out of spite then no.

diamondsz

replied on January 6th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

I have to say it is abit selfish

you got married a job comes with strings you promised to be by his side for better or worse as he did the same to you these are marriage vows, so now you have to compromise. My husband is military, I have an awesome job that pays extremely well and coworkers that are awesome as well im fully covered medical plan wise but if hubby were to move I would give it up in a second because he brings in more income than me but if the sitiation were turned he would leave his job for me.

Everything in a marriage is about compromising and as much as I sit here and say it I do it too I yell but I also sit him down and talk before being harsh remeber the vows that you made to this man.

~wishing you luck~
jess

michelle1981

replied on January 6th, 2006

Supporter

I don't really know what to tell you. I usually suggest things and brian goes along with it..... But i'm sure he would be really hurt and feel deceived if I had done that(i wouldn't). Major decisions should be made by both parties.

I'm sorry i'm no help :(

sunshine424

replied on January 6th, 2006

Experienced User

Wow.
Hun, I do not know this man but based on what you wrote, he is a complete selfish fool. Out of the natural love for his child he shouldn't leave. Just for that in itself. Not to mention ***.Y.O.U***!!!! He told you that a paycheck is more important than anything.....Does that not give you the hint to leave this guy? I know love is a powerful force that can blind you and make you stay in crazy situations, but he has proved himself to definetely not be worthy of you nor your child. No man that loved a woman and his child would do this, period. On top of all that, itsounds like a "get rich quick scheme", totally.

Look at this whole scenario. Place yourself outside of it. If a friend came to you with your situation, what would you say and suggest to her? It is flat out 100% not right to leave you both. Do not go with him, your best where you are. He should be sensitive of his wife and babies needs, not his. He is selfish and undeserving of you.

I wish you the best of luck and may you find guidance soon.

jennib

replied on January 7th, 2006

New User

Sweetie, I would divorce him, even if it is a good paying job he has no right to leave u with all the responsiblities of raising his child.If he wants a say and really wants a child he hould stick around. Also he should rethink what his priorities are in life. I would not put up with that crap for one minute, been there done that. Women have been raising children alone for a long time and for good reasons for ex. Husband went to war, women can handle it thats what there are put on this earth for: to create...Think it over though hope it goes/went well

Lilypad

replied on January 7th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

It doesnt matter what his reason was, he shoulf of consulted you first, period! That is a major life changing event. I would be furious!

neeko177

replied on January 7th, 2006

Experienced User

And to just up and leave so fast like that, didnt even give u a chance to really think things over or plan anything at all
did he even ask you to come?

eurydicesmom

replied on January 9th, 2006

New User

Yeah guess what he was telling a lie. He didn't even go to the state that he said that he was going to. He's not in california he's in texas. He left on friday night with his luggage said he was taking it over to the guy that's driving him to the airport but that he would come back home that night and leave in the morning (fishy, huh?) well he left w/o saying goodbye because he didn't come back. I won't get into all the details but I didn't hear from him until yesterday afternoon (sunday). The whole reason that he lied was because he's going down there to work w/a bunch of guys that he knows I hate because they called my house and swore at me over the phone because he was busy when they called and I told them I would tell him to call back. Now i'm really angry. There was no reason to lie to me. If he had approached this entire situation differently in the beginning there would have been a chance to work this out. Now there is none because all trust is gone and he doesn't even seem concerned about trying to earn it back.

Neeko17 he didn't ask me until we got into an argument about him being gone indefinitely. Initially he never even considered taking me with him.

michelle1981

replied on January 9th, 2006

Supporter

It's very fishy..... Are you sure he's gone for work????

eurydicesmom

replied on January 9th, 2006

New User

No i'm not sure of anything he says right now. Apparently he's a big liar....

eurydicesmom

replied on January 9th, 2006

New User

Part of it is extremely plausible because I noticed that that one guy had been calling a lot over the past week (and I know he moved to texas) and when I asked him about it he kept pretending like he hadn't talked to him. Maybe he's gay and ran off with his lover or something :lol:

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