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eurydicesmom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 8
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My Jerk of a Husband
Posted: 01-04-06 10:31am
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I'm five months pregnant and my husband
was just offered the opportunity to move
across the country to open up his own
marketing office. Without asking me how
I felt about it, he accepted the position.
He told me about it after the fact and
claims that he still loves me and wants
our marriage to work. He claims that
this is a major opportunity for him and
that within the next two years he'll be
making a hundred thousand dollars. He
claims that he will send me money to take
care of things here. I feel like i'm
being abandoned. Because with him across
the country he's going to miss all of the
pregnancy milestones (this is my first
baby) and possibly even the birth though
he claims that he's got the month before
my due date off to come back to the east
coast. He was my only support
(emotional) and I feel like he couldn't
possibly care about me to do something
like this right now. When we got into an
argument about it he says that I can go
with him but I explained to him that I
can't go across the country right now
because his company doesn't offer health
insurance, mine does here and because I
have no job waiting for me there and no
one in their right mind is going to hire
someone who is about to give birth in a
few months. Also I don't want to go
looking for a new doctor right now neither
do I have the time, energy, or inclination
to pack up a house on my own so that I can
follow him. And I know that once the
baby comes i'm darn sure not going to want
to move. I tried to explain to him how
important it is to me to feel stable and
secure right now but he says that i'm
making too much out of everything. I
don't feel that I am. I feel that by
doing this that this that he is putting an
end to our marriage. He is saying that a
paycheck is much more important to him
than me or the baby. I feel bitter and
rejected and i'm not even sure that I will
want to make my marriage work. I am
trying to get some different opinions here
so that I can put this all into
perspective....
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Assena
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2004
Posts: 328
Location: Georgia
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Posted: 01-04-06 11:00am
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I don't mean to sound awful or insulting
but I would support my husband and move
with him. Don't get me wrong I would be
angry with him for making the decision
with out consulting me but if he felt that
strongly about it I would have to respect
that he had our best interests in mind.
As far as a job for you plenty of people
move with thier spouces and find a job
when they arrive. Employers can not
discriminate if you are pregnant. I am
assuming your current employer charges you
for your insurance coverage. You know you
can purchase individual coverage from any
of the major insurance companies. The
cost is not usualy that much more than
what employers charge now.
To be honest it sounds like you don't want
to even try. That is what life is
about... Change happens whether you are a
willing participant or going a long
kicking and screaming.
Congradulations on your pregnancy and good
luck in what ever you choose to do.
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eurydicesmom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 8
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Posted: 01-04-06 11:59am
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This isn't even a sure fire deal. He
and his company aren't even a hundred
percent sure that this office is going to
make it. If it does that's when he
makes the money. If it doesn't then
what? I'm stuck over there with no job,
a new baby, an unemployed husband and no
way to get back home? I think it's
foolish for me to leave the security that
I have right now to go across the country
for something that isn't guaranteed,
especially since my baby is due soon.
And I think that if he really cared about
us (me and baby) then he would have
explained that he couldn't go anywhere now
because of being my only form of emotional
support. And I guess I wasn't clear.
He never intended to take me until we got
into an argument about him leaving me for
an indefinite period of time to take this
job.
And lets be honest, we all know that jobs
are not supposed to discriminate based on
pregnancy but they do. They don't say
that they didn't hire you because you were
pregnant. They just say that you somehow
"weren't right for the position"
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AlliE_18
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Dec 2005
Posts: 2129
Location: uk
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Posted: 01-04-06 12:31pm
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I think he should have waited until after
your pregnancy, and after the baby is a
few months old to be wanting to move that
far away. Like you said you need his
support at this time and he should realise
that. But he wants to go away just so you
can have more money, when his new job
might not even happen. Hes being greedy
and selfish in my opinion. Okay yeh the
money will be for both of you if he makes
it, but right now that shouldnt be his
main priority, being there for you and the
baby should be.
If I were you i'd tell him if you walk out
on me, i'll leave. If he still does it,
i'd pack up and move in with family, even
if they dont live close by, at least then
you will recieve the emotional support and
love that you are going to need and wont
be going through this pregnancy alone.
Be strong and goodluck!
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004
Posts: 6492
Location: ,
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Posted: 01-04-06 13:15pm
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I'd be pissed. Having and raising a baby
is hard work and to do it alone is even
harder. I don't have much family or
support either and I feel like I am losing
my mind (my son is 6 1/2 months old) can
he talk to them and ask if it can be done
at a later time so he can be with you?
Argh this angers me right off. Men's
lives don;t change nearly as much as ours
do. Fuckers..
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eurydicesmom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 8
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Posted: 01-04-06 13:26pm
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He doesn't want to go later. He wants to
go now. He acts like this is his only
opportunity to run a business. When I
suggested a year ago that we open our own
business he turned up his nose at the
idea. It just doesn't feel fair for him
to pick up and run across the country
while I have to stay here and do
everything on my own. I don't even want
to go to l.A. I've never wanted to live
there. It scares me. We live in a city
now that has a small town feel and I like
that for my child. I won't be scared to
just let my little girl go out and play
here. I'd be scared to do that if I was
raising her in la.
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beachgirl1
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Dec 2005
Posts: 51
Location: North Carolina
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Posted: 01-04-06 13:33pm
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I hear yah li-blaze2004. I recently just
divorced my husband of 5 years who would
have done the exact same thing. As a
matter of fact I got pregnant during our
marriage and he haunted me to get an
abortion. Unfort. I had a misscarriage
b/c the sob stressed me out so damn much.
This sounds a little like selfishness to
me. But sometimes you have to make a
decision in marriage rather you want to or
not. I say you go, he never mentioned
that you go until the arguement so maybe
if you act all excited about going maybe
things will, for what ever reason, work
out that he doesn't go, get my drift. I
am a mondern day 30 year old divorcee and
I learned my leason. Your a woman, you
can handle this, just do what your heart
tells you. Good luck! Fyi, do not stress
to much! Things will work out they always
do!
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neeko177
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Posts: 427
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Posted: 01-04-06 13:35pm
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Personally...Id be freaking out, my man
would be sleeping on the couch for years
if he even thought of doing that to me. I
wouldnt want to leave either, it makes
perfect sense to stay where you are, like
you said security, and you prolly have
family etc. He should have talked it over
with you! Definately! But being ur first
child together he shouldnt want to leave..
He should want to be there for it all..
And he should want to be in its life! Be
part of changing him or her.. Feeding him
or her.. Seeing there first steps etc..
Not be miles and miles away... Is it
possible theres more behind him wanting to
do this??? He brought a baby into this
world and I think he needs to decide which
is more important to him., his family, or
a chance at a business...
His family is fure sure, the business is
not
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eurydicesmom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 8
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Posted: 01-06-06 09:53am
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Do you guys think it would be mean if I
waited for him to go (he's leaving
tomorrow) and then changed the phone
number so he couldn't call me. I'm
thinking of distancing myself because I
don't really believe i'll get over it.
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004
Posts: 6492
Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 01-06-06 09:55am
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Ummmm, if you think you wanna separate
then ya, but if you're just doing it out
of spite then no.
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diamondsz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005
Posts: 3250
Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 87
Thanked:125
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Posted: 01-06-06 20:08pm
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I have to say it is abit selfish
you got married a job comes with strings
you promised to be by his side for better
or worse as he did the same to you these
are marriage vows, so now you have to
compromise. My husband is military, I
have an awesome job that pays extremely
well and coworkers that are awesome as
well im fully covered medical plan wise
but if hubby were to move I would give it
up in a second because he brings in more
income than me but if the sitiation were
turned he would leave his job for me.
Everything in a marriage is about
compromising and as much as I sit here and
say it I do it too I yell but I also sit
him down and talk before being harsh
remeber the vows that you made to this
man.
~wishing you luck~
jess
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michelle1981
Supporter
Joined: 20 Jul 2005
Posts: 7236
Location: Toronto, Canada
Thanks: 7
Thanked:6
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Posted: 01-06-06 21:03pm
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I don't really know what to tell you. I
usually suggest things and brian goes
along with it..... But i'm sure he would
be really hurt and feel deceived if I had
done that(i wouldn't). Major decisions
should be made by both parties.
I'm sorry i'm no help :(
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sunshine424
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Nov 2005
Posts: 397
Location: New York
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Posted: 01-06-06 23:04pm
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Wow.
Hun, I do not know this man but based on
what you wrote, he is a complete selfish
fool. Out of the natural love for his
child he shouldn't leave. Just for that
in itself. Not to mention
***.Y.O.U***!!!! He told you that a
paycheck is more important than
anything.....Does that not give you the
hint to leave this guy? I know love is a
powerful force that can blind you and make
you stay in crazy situations, but he has
proved himself to definetely not be worthy
of you nor your child. No man that loved
a woman and his child would do this,
period. On top of all that, itsounds like
a "get rich quick scheme", totally.
Look at this whole scenario. Place
yourself outside of it. If a friend came
to you with your situation, what would you
say and suggest to her? It is flat out
100% not right to leave you both. Do not
go with him, your best where you are. He
should be sensitive of his wife and babies
needs, not his. He is selfish and
undeserving of you.
I wish you the best of luck and may you
find guidance soon.
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jennib
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Dec 2005
Posts: 6
Location: WI
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Posted: 01-07-06 03:10am
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Sweetie, I would divorce him, even if it
is a good paying job he has no right to
leave u with all the responsiblities of
raising his child.If he wants a say and
really wants a child he hould stick
around. Also he should rethink what his
priorities are in life. I would not put
up with that crap for one minute, been
there done that. Women have been raising
children alone for a long time and for
good reasons for ex. Husband went to war,
women can handle it thats what there are
put on this earth for: to create...Think
it over though hope it goes/went well
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Lilypad
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1043
Location: Ohio, USA
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Posted: 01-07-06 07:59am
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It doesnt matter what his reason was, he
shoulf of consulted you first, period!
That is a major life changing event. I
would be furious!
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neeko177
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Posts: 427
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Posted: 01-07-06 22:34pm
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And to just up and leave so fast like
that, didnt even give u a chance to really
think things over or plan anything at all
did he even ask you to come?
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eurydicesmom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 8
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Posted: 01-09-06 10:13am
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Yeah guess what he was telling a lie.
He didn't even go to the state that he
said that he was going to. He's not in
california he's in texas. He left on
friday night with his luggage said he was
taking it over to the guy that's driving
him to the airport but that he would come
back home that night and leave in the
morning (fishy, huh?) well he left w/o
saying goodbye because he didn't come
back. I won't get into all the details
but I didn't hear from him until yesterday
afternoon (sunday). The whole reason
that he lied was because he's going down
there to work w/a bunch of guys that he
knows I hate because they called my house
and swore at me over the phone because he
was busy when they called and I told them
I would tell him to call back. Now i'm
really angry. There was no reason to
lie to me. If he had approached this
entire situation differently in the
beginning there would have been a chance
to work this out. Now there is none
because all trust is gone and he doesn't
even seem concerned about trying to earn
it back.
Neeko17 he didn't ask me until we got into
an argument about him being gone
indefinitely. Initially he never even
considered taking me with him.
Last edited by eurydicesmom on 01-09-06 10:16am; edited 1 time in total
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michelle1981
Supporter
Joined: 20 Jul 2005
Posts: 7236
Location: Toronto, Canada
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Posted: 01-09-06 10:16am
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It's very fishy..... Are you sure he's
gone for work????
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eurydicesmom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 8
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Posted: 01-09-06 10:18am
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No i'm not sure of anything he says right
now. Apparently he's a big liar....
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eurydicesmom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 8
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Posted: 01-09-06 10:20am
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Part of it is extremely plausible because
I noticed that that one guy had been
calling a lot over the past week (and I
know he moved to texas) and when I asked
him about it he kept pretending like he
hadn't talked to him. Maybe he's gay
and ran off with his lover or something
:lol:
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