Depression Forum - I Need Some Help, Im In a Horrible Situation


I Need Some Help, Im In a Horrible Situation

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deprived

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 22 Dec 2003
Posts: 5

I Need Some Help, Im In a Horrible Situation Posted: 12-22-03 11:56am


This may be a bit of an exageration but this is the vibe I get from my family. Leave him out ignore him act like hes trash make him feel uncomforatble when he speaks, interupt him on purpose when others are around treat him especially bad. I would rather not see him with any confidence or friends. Like I said this is an exageration, but its the vibe I get off them. I'm nice to eveyone and never treat others like this. This has put me in an extreamly pissed off mood, pissed at everyone, I have no friends at all, not one. Some of these reasons I guess are why i lost the few freinds I ever had. What do I do? Do I just move far away and never speak to my family again? I'm confused about this and have skipped almost all family gatherings lately. Should I go to the christmas gathering in a couple days? I would feel very awkward and uncomfortable since ive skipped this the past 2 years and said I was sick. I feel extreamly uncomfortable at these, or any gathering. I pretty much have no life. What should I do?

insurancegirl

Especially EHEALTHy

Joined: 25 Sep 2003
Posts: 5286

Posted: 12-22-03 13:15pm


I'm sorry you feel this way. But because you do, the thing you have to do is...Speak up. Let everyone know that you feel uncomfortable, cuz they're not able to read your mind. I'm sure they are not doing it on purpose. Definetly do christmas...This would be a perfect time to shine! Jennifer

saturn24

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 25 Nov 2003
Posts: 205
Location: Pittsburgh, Pa

Posted: 12-22-03 23:24pm


I know how you feel. I am the blacksheep too. Although, I know that my family loves me very much, a lot of the time I feel the same way you do. What you have to try to understand is that they do love you. And just because you love someone doesn't mean that you agree with everything that they say or do. It doesn't even mean that you have anything in common. But they love you. You should definately go to the christmas gathering. You do not need to be alone. When things start to get wierd, say "this is what I hate" when they ask what you are talking about, tell them how you feel. Just try to remain calm. Getting angry will not solve anything. If you will feel more comfortable, you can say it before you leave. I know how my family is and the above would surely cause an argument, but sometimes that is what needs to happen. Have you been to a doctor about your depression? It sounds to me like you convince yourself that everyone is against you so you can push them away and then feel sorry for yourself. I go through phases where I do the same thing. Not on purpose, subconsciencely.(sp) but, maybe if you get a medication for depression you can start to be happy! Meet new people and find yourself some friends! You don't deserve to be alone! Keep us posted. And merry christmas!

deprived

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 22 Dec 2003
Posts: 5

I Have No Friends Please Help Posted: 12-23-03 08:29am


Thanks for the responses. What kind of doctor do I need? I don't have a family doctor. I take no meds now. I use to be an alcoholic but quit recently. What kind of meds do I need? When I used go to these family gatherings or other parties it's never any fun. I'm nice to people but they avoid me. I feel alone at these things. I talk to someone I know, they talk to me for like 10 or 20 seconds then walk away. I'm there standing by myself, feeling a little awkward. I go talk to someone else I know and they talk to me a little then walk away. I'm standing there alone feeling like everyone hates me. Everyone in the room sees me standing alone. I feel everyone is thinking look, what a loser, he has no friends, I hope he doesnt try and talk to me. I'm not gonna follow people around like an fool so I sit down somewhere for awhile. I sit alone for like 10 minutes then leave. I cant stand these social gatherings, and have quit going to all partys and family gathering the past 2 years. Sometimes I get the feeling like its the people in my area. I dont know what it is, I guess they dont like the way my voice sounds or somethng. I'm seriously thinking about moving far away and starting a new life somewhere else. What do I do?

insurancegirl

Especially EHEALTHy

Joined: 25 Sep 2003
Posts: 5286

Posted: 12-23-03 09:47am


Find a local family physician, and tell them what you are going through, they will prob put you on paxel, zoloft, zanex...Or something similar. I hope you reach your family before you have to be put on meds. Good luck. Jennifer

saturn24

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 25 Nov 2003
Posts: 205
Location: Pittsburgh, Pa

Posted: 12-23-03 20:45pm


Yeah, jennifer is right. You need to go to a general practinioner and be referred to a psychologist. Not because you are psycho, but because too may people rely on family doctors for these kind of problems. The only person who could possibly diagnose you correctly is a psychologist. They can decide what med to put you on. Probably something for social anxiety disorder. Good job on quitting drinking! I have been sober for 1 month and 1 day! But, yeah, i'm sure that is making your feelings even harder to deal with. Get help soon! And don't be ashamed to do it. Everyone is messed up in one way or another. And the ones who claim that they are "normal" are the most f#@$%d up ones!!

piecekeeper2502

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 23 Dec 2003
Posts: 15
Location: pa

Posted: 12-23-03 22:45pm


Hi new user, I think its important to know how old you are. I also think its important to know why you feel the family your speaking about makes you feel like you do. Why do you believe all those things are true? You admitted "this is an exageration". The vibe you think their giving may be completely wrong. You may think your being nice to everyone but maybe you being pissed off is showing itself. I'd like to understand you. I can explain me, explain why I feel like I do, can relate instances. Then you can tell me if i'm right or wrong in what I believe. Going to a doctor who handles depression will get you the same type of questions. The doctor will feel his way through you. He will try to understand you, point out things you believe to be true, are not true, not really happening. I'm being treated for depression. I've been treated for almost nine years. I've been to mental health doctors who interviewed me. I take depression medicine. I hate crowds, I hate parties, I feel everyone dislikes me, I feel they talk about me, I feel I never did a good enough job, I feel forced to do a lot of things. I must attend a family affair on christmas I wish I didn't have to attend. What i've done though, is to let everyone know how I feel about parties. They now know if I show up, I drive my own vehicle and I leave when I want too. They accept me for that and if they don't like it, well, so be it. I leave anyway. I cant hear what they say about me when I leave and not everyone likes parties. I'm married, my wife understands me, my family understands me. Maybe you should discuss your feelings with someone you trust. Is there someone in your family you can talk to? If you voice your opinion their answer might satisify you, then again, if your like me, you think they are just saying what you want to hear. Judging the honestly in people is hard to do. There must be someone you can trust. We all have someone we consider a friend. In my case its my wife, in your case, well, there is somebody. I'd be happy to discuss this issue with you. I can relate my experiences, my medical treatments, my meds. Let me know. For now, happy christmas.

deprived

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 22 Dec 2003
Posts: 5

Posted: 12-25-03 10:26am


What kind of meds and treatment have you taken? What do the meds do? How do they make you feel? Do they help at all?

deprived

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 22 Dec 2003
Posts: 5

Posted: 12-25-03 10:27am


Didnt go tho the christmas gathering, just didnt feel confident enough to go. Im 23 and a below average looking guy. Is this the main reason everyone hates and avoids me? The way people stare at me sometimes I get the message im hated. Its not an evil stare, just a rude blank stare for no reason. Whats the difference between a counseler, therapist, or psychiatrist, or psychologist? Which one do I need? Last edited by deprived on 12-25-03 11:19am; edited 1 time in total

purple333

Extremely EHEALTHy

Joined: 01 Dec 2003
Posts: 1420
Location: Sydney

Posted: 12-25-03 10:52am


In reading all this one thing stood out as not being thought of, you said you'd recently stopped drinking ............. Is it possible that the vibes you were getting (please note I say were, because you say you've avoided family gatherings lately & christmas for the last 2 years) might have been because of the way you behaved when you were drinking? Just a thought. But I agree, you need to find someone you can talk to & calmly explain how you feel so that your family can have the chance to help you. You also need to see a dr for a referral to a psychiatrist (psychologist -here anyway- can't prescribe meds or test for any other problems/causes of a medical as opposed to psychological/emotional nature), but be careful about meds make sure the dr knows you've only recently stopped drinking & how much & for how long you drank etc. I hope christmas went well for you whatever you decided - here it's almost 3am on the 26th.

niceguy

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 20 Aug 2003
Posts: 150
Location: New York

Hey Buddy Posted: 12-25-03 14:39pm


First of all, let me say I saw your post and since I dont really celebrate xmas except just to enjoy the holiday, I thought I might reply. First off, dont ever think that all is lost. Things can turn around quickly for you. You're only 23 yet and you have a way to go in life. And your problem is not unique. I am sure there are tons of people exactly in your situation. Its just how you cope with the situation. Some people cope better than others. You are a special person. You need to find the right type of friends and those that truly like you. Ok, now lets see. You said that at one time you drank to excess. Is it possible that unknowingly you say some things to piss people off? You might think nothing of it, but sometimes people remember such things and then try to distance themselves away from you. They might be scared you will say something that will make them look bad. I knew this one guy at work. He was a true genius. A very talented computer programmer. When anyone had a problem they came to him for help. He was getting paid about a third of the average programmer because of his attitude. He would routine insult someones intelligence and people used to get pissed off, but his boss kept him around as he was a problem solver and highly skilled. Thats the first thing you have to make sure you correct. Don't say anything to piss people off. The second thing is that you are a little too self-conscious. You think everyone is looking at you or that you are the center of all attention at a party. Dont feel like that. Just try to relax. Don't go out of your way to get people's attention. If possible, find a date to go along with you at the party. Then you at least will have her to talk to if nobody else. Be brave. If you feel nervous, try not to let anyone see it. You know a lot of people at these parties are just as nervous as you are. But they dont show it or cope better than you. There are only a handful of people that are the true extroverts and dont give a damn about anything. Many people are just like you. Self conscious and worried about whether people will like their looks or their walk or style or whatever. The mind is a very complex thing. It thinks and worries about all kinds of things. Dont let any of this stuff bother you. Just be yourself. As far as looks are concerned, nobody is ugly enough that people will hate them just for being around. You mite not get too many dates, but your looks wont stop people from talking to you or being nice to you. I have seen some of the ugliest people get a lot of attention. They might in fact even be the life of the party. So dont even think of looks being a problem. Besides, girls have to worry more about looks than guys. With guys, its the muscles and the way we carry ourselves that counts more. I would suggest that you consult with a naturopath. Though I have never done it myself and dont know where to look except in the yellow pages, but I think if you explained your problem to him/her, you would be able to take some supplements to make you feel more confident. You might want to try a psychiatrist too. Make sure its not a psychologist, but a psychiatrist. A psychologist can't prescribe anything, just gets paid to listen to your problem and offer suggestions which I dont think will help you as much as the prscriptions from a psychiatrist. Lastly, if I ever met you, I would not stare rudely at you. I would make friends with you and we would both have a good laugh. Merry xmas and a happy new year to you my friend and pm me anytime.