Really Depressed Could Use Some Advice Posted: 01-09-06 00:38am
Hey guys.. I'm 18 and just found out I
was pregnant... I was raped this summer
and just found out in november that I was
pregnant. I had been dating my boyfriend
for the first couple of months in college
and we were really starting to get
serious. In all fairness to him I told
him about me being pregnant..And he
freaked out. We only had sex a couple of
times but somehow he thought it might be
his..Altho I explained to him that it
couldn't be since the doctor said I was 5
months pregnant. (he also had known about
the rape before) he totally freaked out
and got so angry at me and I honestly
don't understand why. He accused me of
lying to him and stuff and accused me of
knowing that I was pregnant before. I
honestly showed no signs of being pregnant
except my breasts getting larger so I
really didnt think anything was wrong with
me.
After the rape I took the morning after
pill which obviously didnt work.. And I
talked to the obgyn after I didnt get my
period for a while and she told me not to
worry (despite my asking her for a
pregnancy test she said 'sweetie dont
worry your not pregnant'). After hearing
that from a doctor I thought I was
absolutely fine. He also lashed out on me
about all the things I did in school he
like started yelling at me " do you
realize how stupid you are..You party all
the time" which is completely true, I was
drinking and tried pot for the first time
but I had no clue I was pregnant. Of
course I stopped doing all of that when I
found out but I had no way of knowing
before.
I'm really depressed because I really
like him alot but after I told him he
stopped talking to me. He told my good
guy friend it made him sick to even look
at me anymore because he was heartbroken
and couldn't think of me the same way
(also cuz we had sex when I was pregnant)
I really dont think this is fair for him
to do to me especially because this is the
hardest thing for me to go through.. I
never asked him to be there for me or to
do anything yet hes acting like this. He
even went as far as to not allow me his
dorm room anymore..Which was a huge
problem considering his roommate is my
best friend and all of my friends hang out
there 24/7. The last time he talked to me
was on christmas and just to wish me a
merry christmas. I know its silly and my
friends tell me I should move on...But i'm
finding it so hard to do that because our
relationship I feel wouldn't have ended
had this not happend and it ended on such
undefined terms. My friends all think
he'll snap out of it and get over it .
For the last couple of weeks of school
after we broke up he started drinking
heavily every night and started smoking a
ton of pot which he never really did
before and would not go to class and go to
the bars every night with one of his
friends. I can't help but think this is
in some way my fault? Any advice on
anything? Any advice is greatly
appreciated :(
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chanee
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Nov 2005 Posts: 124 Location: detroit
I'm Srry Posted: 01-09-06 01:03am
Wow i'm srry you had to go through that
i've been something simular but not quite
as bad. If you really love them and he
loves you just give him time maybe he will
come around after you have your baby will
you keep it?And then again you sound like
a great girl you could move on if you want
and find a nice guy that will care about
you and not what happened to you, that guy
you were dating has to understand this bad
thing happened to you not him, needs to
think about how you feel.You could also
write him a long letter that works
sometimes. I really don't have good
advice i'm just very srry you had to go
through that. Good luck and keep me post
on what happens if you need someone to
talk you can email me at
tawanasimpson@sbcglobal.Net ok good
luck.
Chanee
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mia7
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Sep 2005 Posts: 378
Posted: 01-09-06 04:08am
I know it must be hard to deal with all of
this and it is very unfortunate. If he
knew that you were raped and this
pregnancy was the outcome of this act then
he shouldn't be mad at you. Afterall, you
are the victim here, and he needs to be a
little more understanding.
It sounds like you really like him and you
are stressing yourself out over this guy
and I know it must be hard to get over
liking someone but you have to try to be
strong and keep going forward.
Focus your time on planning out what it is
that you are going to have to do because
you are pregnant and what comes after
this. Your health and the health of your
baby is what's important here and I am
sure that you have many other things to
worry about other than this guy.
If he wants to come to his senses than
maybe he will, this might be hard on him
also, but if he is not understanding
toward your situation than maybe you
should just leave it alone.
I really don't know exactly what to say (
I would forget all about this guy if I
were you) but it seems like you are being
stubborn and want to continue something
with him. I can say that you shouldn't
feel guilty or responsible about the way
he is acting and all the partying that he
is doing as he is doing this to himself
and he chose to do what he is doing.
You had no choice in your situation and
what you need is support and someone to be
understanding. You need to figure out
what you are going to do. Worry about boy
problems some other time, right now you
have to focus on yourself.
