Is anyone out there married to or dating
someone who is not only bipolar, but also
an alcoholic?
I could really use some help...
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AngTexas
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jan 2006 Posts: 9 Location: Dallas, TX
Posted: 01-11-06 13:41pm
Not me, but my very best friend of 23
years - her hubby is a diagnoised bi-polar
and also an alcoholic.
It's was a very rough road for quite a few
years until he got on medication (effexor)
and quit drinking (for the most part, he
has quit at least at home and in front of
her...).
I'll help any way I can or ask her
questions...
Angie n tx
:)
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jbird25
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2006 Posts: 4
Bipolar Husband Posted: 01-11-06 16:12pm
Thanks so much for the reply.
We haven't been married that long and I
have a child from a previous marriage. My
biggest problem is that my hubby has
gotten violent several times when drunk.
We're separated now, because I couldn't
deal with the fighting anymore and I was
worried about my safety and my daughter's.
Since he's moved out, he's actually been
diagnosed as bipolar, he's seeing a
couple of therapists, and he's started on
meds. But I know that living with
bipolars can be a huge roller coaster.
I'd be willing to give it time (with us
apart) while he gets more stabilized, but
he doesn't see this stuff as the big issue
in our marriage. He says that I haven't
been committed- that that's why he drank
and that i've abandoned him.
My family tells me I need to just
completely end it, for the sake of saving
myself and my daughter. And I guess deep
down I feel that way too, but I don't want
to feel like i've left someone just
because of an illness. You know, through
sickness and health...But I also know that
you shouldn't stay in unhealthy
environments. My husband says that
because all he ever did when he was
violent was push me down and pull my hair
(never hit me), I shouldn't have been
scared of him.
Anyway I know this all probably sounds
really pathetic. I know that violence is
unexusable. But I also love this guy
which makes it so hard...
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DSmith529
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Oct 2005 Posts: 59
Your Best Friend Says That Posted: 01-12-06 23:08pm
Because all he ever did when he was
violent was push her down and pull her
hair (never hit her), and she shouldn't
have been scared of him.
Would you believe it to be a safe, healthy
relationship? A good role model for her
children? A lifestyle good enough for
her children to enjoy and repeat in their
lives? He may be medicated, but he still
feels entitled to abusing others is my
take.
"why does he do that?" by lundy bancroft
is an excellent read. Very
eye-opening.
He's a bunny-boiler. My advice is to get
you and the kids out of that pot.
Www.Heartless-b*tches.Com go to the
"manipulator files" and read the 100
warning signs. So few do all of them,
you decide how many you see and how many
are too many.
Replace the * with an i
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tawnie_j
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Posts: 19 Location: Texas
Wow... Posted: 01-13-06 17:18pm
...Mine actually gets really nice when
he's drunk!!
I do hope things get better for you...I'm
going through the same thing!
God bless.
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jbird25
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2006 Posts: 4
Posted: 01-14-06 20:23pm
I know it's a not a healthy situation at
the moment...That's why we're separated
right now.
My problem is wondering if it can or ever
will get better. If I knew for a fact
that things would continue just as they
were, it would be an easy choice. But
since he's started meds, and going to aa,
I wonder if it will all help enough so
that we can have a happy, healthy
marriage. Maybe it's too much of a long
shot or it would take longer than I can
handle.
He was also abused as a child- physically
and sexually. So there are loads of
issues that exist other than just the
bipolarism and the alcoholism.
I'm also concerned about ruining my
child's life by putting her in a situation
where it takes years for things to
improve.
Thanks for the website and book
suggestion. I haven't had a chance to
look for the book, but i've checked the
website and it has a lot of helpful info.
And to tawni_j, i'm so sorry you're going
through this too.
My husband is actually usually a nice
drunk, but I would get pissed off that he
drank and then things would escalate from
there. So of course he says he never
would have gotten violent if I hadn't
provoked him by getting mad.
It's all such a mess....
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taffyclee
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Feb 2006 Posts: 2 Location: south carolina
Posted: 02-16-06 16:55pm
My boyfriend is also bipolar. I broke up
with him and he became even more"manic".
He called my home 2:30 am and called me
ugly names, so I changed all my numbers.
Then he came by my house@ 2am, which I had
my gate locked and he went under the wire
which cut him., so he called the cops
telling them I stabbed him with a knife.
The cops told me he was mentally ill and
to walk away from him and not to look
back. This is so sad that he cant be
normal. I broke up with him because he
kept having these manic rages. We cant
reach them. We do not live in there world
!!
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littlemisstery
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Dec 2005 Posts: 95
Safety Over Love.. Posted: 03-01-06 01:41am
Being the child of a father who was this
way and living through it is not something
I would ever recommend for you or your
child. I still cry when I hear glass
break even though my dad quit drinking a
couple of years ago and the possibility is
not there for it to happen again. There
is so much that my brother/mother/and I
went through (between being shot at,
verbally abused to a heavy extent, and
having to run off in the night in fear
that he would hurt us) that cannot be
repaired.. Even with therapy. Sadly I
believe I have bi-polar disorder now as
well, which honestly scares me because I
don't want to see myself turn into what
i've seen. I'd look for great improvement
over a good span of time before putting
your child or yourself back into a
potentially dangerous/unstable
environment. Love does mean a lot, but
safety and well being should mean more in
the end. I hope that things do work out
for you, and hopefully you'll be able to
share your life and your child's life with
your husband. Even though my father did
all of that, I still love him as much as
ever to this day.
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jessieappleby
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 7 Location: Pennsylvania
Bipolar Posted: 03-01-06 02:03am
Taffyclee, you do live in our world. Be
careful of your words considering I am
bipolar and I live a normal life and it
can be done with proper treatment. All I
ever see is ignorance to the disorder and
not understanding it. With your rational
it shows someone who has heart disease or
cancer lives in a seperate world as well.
Just a little tidbit for ya.
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taffyclee
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Feb 2006 Posts: 2 Location: south carolina
Posted: 03-01-06 08:39am
Are you saying its ok to be abused
,because he has a disease?? Why do people
w/ bipolar play the victim role??I should
feel sorry for him because he's sick. If
he knows he has a problem , why cant he
take responsibility for his actions?? Why
would he tell the cops that I stabbed him
and try to get me in trouble? Is this
the love of a bipolar
person.........???
Taffy
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jessieappleby
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 7 Location: Pennsylvania
Posted: 03-01-06 08:53am
If you would have read my entire message I
responded to one comment you made
regarding those with bipolar live in their
own world. Never did I say it was okay to
be abused. Of course not, that's just
common sense. As for someone who is
mentally or even physically ill, they
should seek attention but with mental
illness and without proper treatment the
disorder takes control, being the
chemicals in the brain. As for taking
responsibility for their actions, again
without the proper treatment of meds and
therapy can the person live a productive
life. As far as i'm concerned i've never
heard anyone with a mental illness state
they love it or even like having it. You
have no idea what we can endure and you
should be grateful to god for that. We
all have our ups and downs and deal with
issues in our own way and alcohol as well
as abusing another is not the way to go.
You have distorted my words and only read
what you wanted to read. As for your
(ex)boyfriend, i'm assuming he has been
diagnosed with the bipolar disorder. Is
he on meds? If so, how long has he been
on them? Perhaps he is on the wrong
medication and cannot see that. Is he in
therapy? Perhaps he has a terrible
therapist. I took me 5 tries to find a
good one who could actually help me. I
accept who I am and the disorder I have,
although not at all times but it completes
who I am whether I like it or not. By no
means am I conceded but before I make a
statement to something I do not completely
understand I will research it first rather
than make an irrational statement. The
way your ex acted was completely
irrational and attention setting. He is
not accepting the disorder and two, he's
not getting the proper treatment needed.
Just because he acts one way does not make
all people with the disorder the way he
is. By all means, I know several people
who have bipolar and they are not abusive
nor do they act as he did.
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DSmith529
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Oct 2005 Posts: 59
Posted: 03-01-06 14:41pm
Quote:
i broke up with
him because he kept having these manic
rages
when your safety and welfare depends on
someone else taking their meds, you have
to be extra careful. When told he was
frightening, or dangerous, or going too
far and he blew you off time and time
again, he lost someone who was truly
interested in his well-being along with
her own. That is his decision. If he
wanted you to stick around he would have
taken you seriously.
Your boyfriend didn't buy into the need
for medication, and you were jeapordized.
Do not feel guilty or lesser-than for
protecting your well-being. He's an
adult. He is responsible for himself.
He is not your dependant child or
something. Sounds like he didn't want
the responsibility of being a partner.
