Hi guys, I thought I might post my little
story and see if anyone has any advice for
me on this... I've been reading through
the posts and you all seem very helpful
:)
my story starts off the same... I met a
great guy a while ago who has all his sh**
together. Great well-paying job, his own
place, etc etc. Then he decides that
since I was honest with him about my life
(everyone has a story right?) he'll be
honest with me. Surprise! I can't be
sure how much he actually does it kuz of
what seems to be the theme on here (they
all lie). And here's the sad part that I
can't believe i'm writing.
I care about him. I don't want him doing
this, though I know it's not under my
control. He's so much better than it and
I wish he could see that. He knows he
needs help and has said as much, but I
think I am the only one he may be telling
this to. After asking myself why me? I
decided it doesn't matter and I should do
something for him. No matter how well I
do not know him, no one should leave
another person drowning when they are
asking for a life preserver.
Here's my question. So far I have not
been pushy in any way, i've asked him to
be honest with me and told him that i'll
help him in any way I can. He doesn't
want to involve me but I told him it's too
late for that. What now?
|
shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 01-10-06 11:39am
Little story is right.
What exactly has this guy done? What is
he doing that troubles you? You gave us
very little to go on.
I suppose it doesn’t much matter what he
is doing, you need to know that you
can’t fix him. It don’t work that
way.
Richard
|
erogers33
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2006 Posts: 141 Location: Littleton, CO
Posted: 01-10-06 12:43pm
I agree with the previous reply; you need
to be a little more specific so we can
give you the right advice. I would love
to be able to help you out, but I need to
know more about the situation...
I'm not trying to be nosey or pushy, I
just think we all need a little more
background/info from you. Thanks. :)
|
girlwhocares
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jan 2006 Posts: 2
Bah.. I Was Very Tired When I Wrote That :d Posted: 01-11-06 02:43am
Well after re-reading my post I realized I
forgot to mention (most important and i'm
sorry I had so much coffee I was vibrating
as I wrote it) that he is a cocaine
addict... Uses drinking as an excuse to
do it too ("i only do it when i'm
drinking") so he gets drunk on a weekday
just because...
*sigh* I know I can't fix him but i'm
pretty sure he hasn't told his "friends"
that he's feeling out of control... I've
just never been in this situation before
and don't know how to help. Like I said
before, I can't turn my back on someone..
I may not know him well at all but I see a
great person who could be fantastic if
this weren't in the way. And i'm not even
thinking for myself, he could be great for
someone else even, you know?
|
shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 01-11-06 09:47am
Thanks, I thought it was something like
that.
Girl stick with him if you wish, but get
ready for some heartache. He may be a
real nice guy, ain’t we all, but as an
active addict, things are not going to go
as you hope they will. We use and we
drink to assuage a obsession we can not
control.
The idea of never getting drunk and then
high is about the most unpleasant thing we
can think of. We are scared to death of
the concept of never getting high again.
In fact many of us drink or snort, or
shoot up or smoke ourselves right into the
grave rather than get sober. This
obsession he is in the grip of is that
powerful. You have no idea what you are
facing, but if you stick with him, you
will get an inkling into its insane
nature.
Your last line of your last post gave me
pause. Honey, don’t play the door mat
for this guy, he will use and abuse your
affections if you let him. He may not
want to, but he will. We are one selfish
lot, and good people like you are just
what we look for.
Look out for your own best interests, his
path will go where it goes, you have no
power over it, none!
Your friend
richard
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Dr Lx
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Mar 2006 Posts: 12 Location: Europe
Posted: 03-29-06 08:11am
In my experience, the problem with most
addicts is they need to reach rock bottom
before they are ready to call for help....
|
shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 03-30-06 09:48am
Dr lux, you are right. Hitting bottom
does seem to be necessary before anything
positive happens. But my question to the
person who feels they have hit that rock
bottom is what now? What are you going to
do differently?
Just bottoming out doesn’t change one
damn thing. It is important, but of
itself, it is just a painful place to be,
nothing more.
What do I do now? That is the question
someone in that hard place might want to
ask. And they might want to ask it of
someone who has been there and knows what
to do.
Real concrete advice from someone who has
been to that has been there is what they
need. And of course, a willingness to
take it.
The sad part is just bottoming out is no
guarantee that they will become willing to
trade out cold comfort for change.
Richard
|
jimic
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Mar 2006 Posts: 27 Location: WI, US
I Dont Know to Much About Coke Posted: 04-05-06 00:01am
But the real thing I woudl worry about is
him using the drinking as an excuse, it
just seems way worse than the actual
addiction,
|
rinsha
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 May 2006 Posts: 305 Location: Alabama
Re: Bah.. I Was Very Tired When I Wrote That :d Posted: 05-23-06 11:22am
girlwhocares
wrote:
well after re-reading my
post I realized I forgot to mention (most
important and i'm sorry I had so much
coffee I was vibrating as I wrote it) that
he is a cocaine addict... Uses drinking
as an excuse to do it too ("i only do it
when i'm drinking") so he gets drunk on a
weekday just because...
*sigh* I know I can't fix him but i'm
pretty sure he hasn't told his "friends"
that he's feeling out of control... I've
just never been in this situation before
and don't know how to help. Like I said
before, I can't turn my back on someone..
I may not know him well at all but I see
a great person who could be fantastic if
this weren't in the way. And i'm not
even thinking for myself, he could be
great for someone else even, you
know?
well thats a hard situation, but cocaine
addicts aren't good. Does he have a
temper or get angry. The reason I ask is
because I have seen friends when they come
down and get out of control and go into
rages.
Just be careful, watch for moodswings
because its something that addicts tend to
have. I wish the best for you. And hope
he doesn't become dangerous towards you
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