I had a medical abortion 6 months ago.
I'm 22 years old and almost graduated from
college. As time goes by it gets harder
and harder for me to deal with. I find
myself crying everyday and obsessed with
getting pregnant again soon. I don't
know what to do with myself.
Before I had this abortion I had wanted a
baby so badly but my boyfriend didn't.
So I waited until an alternative came by.
I cheated on my boyfriend and got
pregnant. When I realized how bad the
situation was (to me at the time) I
decided that an abortion was my best
option.
Now I wish I had never cheated on him on
the first place but also I wish I had
never had the abortion. I would be 6
months pregnant right now. I'm so deeply
depressed. I don't know how to get over
this.
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 01-11-06 17:25pm
Their is help out there for this. There
is a reason why you did what you did, you
have to fogive yourself and move on.
Bless ya!
|
chevygurl25
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Jan 2006 Posts: 6 Location: Edmonton
Its Not Easy Posted: 01-12-06 12:29pm
I had one about 6 months ago, and I keep
thinkin I would have been having my baby
next week! Jan 19 was my due date. Its
not easy. You cannot live your life
thinkin, what if. You made the best
decision for yourself at that time, and
you shouldn't look back at is as a bad
thing. I know I sure beat myself up and I
still kinda am. I am thankful for what I
did though because my ex woudln't have
been around and i'm not ready for a baby.
My ex hubby was voilent and an alchy so
that was also a situation I didnt' want a
baby involved in. Just like you, you had
a situation which wasn't the best for the
baby either. Sweetie I know how hard it
is, you feel you'r emissing something, and
when you see a baby it hurts even more.
I went through the feelin of I wanted
another baby, and I didnt care, I wanted
to be pregnant again. You will probably
feel that alot but just remember to wait
till you are in love with the person and
they love you.
You will get over this I promise you that.
I'm here if you need any help. Seeing
how i'm going through the same thing as
you.
My prayers are with you.
|
kb77
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Dec 2005 Posts: 100
Posted: 01-12-06 14:23pm
Hi hun,
i know I beat myself up about it everyday,
and I had an abortion about 3 years ago.
But I am here to tell you that life will
get better. It was so much harder for me
right in the beginning. It still is hard,
but I have to move on. I try as hard as I
can to stop people who are unsure - so
that they don't feel what we are feeling.
But sadly we have done the damage already,
and it will be okay. You will get married
and have children. It won't replace the
one you gave up, but it will fill that
void. I promise it is normal to feel this
way, and I am here if you ever just want
to talk to someone who has gone through
the same thing. Lets just put the past in
the past. Forgive yourself, and you don't
have to forget about it.
|
sarahk
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jan 2005 Posts: 108 Location: England
Posted: 01-12-06 15:35pm
Hi,
i occasionally pop on this site to talk to
women who have gone through abortions like
I did. I had mine on 11th april 2003 so
it is coming up to three years now. I
have found it particularly hard,
especially when certain dates up up...The
day you found out, the day of the
abortion, the due date, birthdays etc.
Its emotionally draining. I was depserate
to get pregnant again, even now I go
through sudden phases of being desperate
to the point of tears of getting that baby
back.
I had no access to the internet and didnt
really understand what abortion was about.
I totally believe it is right for some
people but it wasnt right for me. My
doctor kept telling me 'its just a blob of
cells, nothing more' but research told me
otherwise and it destroyed me.
It has got a little easier, I have learnt
to cope with my emotions and try to
overpower my craving for a baby. It must
be in a womans instinct for some people
when you reach a certain age to long for a
baby...I'm only 23 and have craved a child
from the age of 19!!!!!!!!! Does anyone
else feel like this? If so what do you do
to overcome being broody?!!
I can relate to most girls on this forum.
Its such a big and life chaging desicion
and some people dont realise.
I hope you are all ok.
Sarah
|
bitsy690
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jan 2006 Posts: 43 Location: Illinois
Posted: 01-13-06 17:07pm
I want to get pregnant again. I think
about the baby I aborted all the time.
This forum has helped because it is the
only way I can talk it out with others.
It helps me to hear all of your stories.
I feel like i'm not alone.
I've been feeling like a monster lately.
I find myself looking at my stomach
sometimes and wondering if god will give
me another chance to have a baby. I
wonder if my fertility is effected by what
i've done.
I've always wanted to have about 4
children. I don't know how accurate this
is but I have heard abortion thins out
your womb making it hard to carry a baby
to ful term. I know i've done a horrible
thing. I know I will never fogive myself
and that I will always feel guilt and
remorse when I think about my poor sweet
baby. I just hope that I will be given
another chance.
I wish I could take it back. I wish I
wasn't so irresponsible. I've wanted a
baby in the worst way since I had a
miscarriage when I was 18. I'm 22 now.
When I made the decision to abort my baby
I knew I was making a decision that would
effect me for the rest of my life.
I do not know how to overcome wanting a
baby. Sometimes I lie to people that
i'll only meet just once. I tell them I
have a baby. I pretend that he is at
home. I get baby magazine every month
that I read. I even bought baby clothes,
baby powder, and shampoo. I think it has
almost become an obsession. Does anyone
have any suggestions?
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-13-06 18:45pm
bitsy690
wrote:
i want to get pregnant
again. I think about the baby I aborted
all the time. This forum has helped
because it is the only way I can talk it
out with others.
It helps me to hear all of your stories.
I feel like i'm not alone.
I've been feeling like a monster lately.
I find myself looking at my stomach
sometimes and wondering if god will give
me another chance to have a baby. I
wonder if my fertility is effected by what
i've done.
I've always wanted to have about 4
children. I don't know how accurate
this is but I have heard abortion thins
out your womb making it hard to carry a
baby to ful term. I know i've done a
horrible thing. I know I will never
fogive myself and that I will always feel
guilt and remorse when I think about my
poor sweet baby. I just hope that I
will be given another chance.
I wish I could take it back. I wish I
wasn't so irresponsible. I've wanted a
baby in the worst way since I had a
miscarriage when I was 18. I'm 22 now.
When I made the decision to abort my
baby I knew I was making a decision that
would effect me for the rest of my life.
I do not know how to overcome wanting a
baby. Sometimes I lie to people that
i'll only meet just once. I tell them I
have a baby. I pretend that he is at
home. I get baby magazine every month
that I read. I even bought baby
clothes, baby powder, and shampoo. I
think it has almost become an obsession.
Does anyone have any
suggestions?
you're not a horrible person, neither of
you are. :) always remember that! Of
course you'll have another chance to have
a baby, abortions don't affect your
chances of future fertility, not even as
much a full pregnancy.
Someday i'm sure both of you will give
birth to wonderful babies into loving
caring homes. Until that day comes; until
the time is right for you, be patient.
You don;t have to overcome the desire;
many women have the desire to have
families, and it is a perfectly normal
thing to feel.
Don't feel the need to lie to yourself or
others; your day will come, and you wil
both make wonderful mothers, i'm sure of
it! Until then, be at peace; live for
yourselves! You have many bright days
ahead of you!
|
Cambion
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Nov 2005 Posts: 748
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-13-06 22:33pm
Quote:
of course you'll
have another chance to have a baby,
abortions don't affect your chances of
future fertility, not even as much a full
pregnancy.
i have read that abortions can make it
just a wee bit harder to get
pregnant...The more a woman has, the
harder it is for her to conceive. Not
saying abortions render a woman infertile,
so don't think that. There are women who
conceive within a month of an abortion, so
obviously it doesn't have a tremendous
impact on one's fertility.
Bitsy690, you're very young. Don't worry,
because your biological clock isn't
ticking. You have many more childbearing
years ahead of you. You made the best
decision for yourself, and while it may be
painful now, i'll bet the wounds will heal
when you've got a child in your arms that
you can call your own.
Don't beat yourself up over this - you
aren't evil, deviant, or going to burn in
hell for aborting. Perhaps speaking to a
counselor would help - i'm sorry, i'm not
trying to label you as being crazy, but
sometimes it can feel good to talk to
someone in person about the things that
trouble you.
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-13-06 22:55pm
cambion
wrote:
Quote:
of course you'll
have another chance to have a baby,
abortions don't affect your chances of
future fertility, not even as much a full
pregnancy.
i have read that abortions can make it
just a wee bit harder to get
pregnant...The more a woman has, the
harder it is for her to conceive. Not
saying abortions render a woman infertile,
so don't think that. There are women who
conceive within a month of an abortion, so
obviously it doesn't have a tremendous
impact on one's fertility.
Bitsy690, you're very young. Don't
worry, because your biological clock isn't
ticking. You have many more childbearing
years ahead of you. You made the best
decision for yourself, and while it may be
painful now, i'll bet the wounds will heal
when you've got a child in your arms that
you can call your own.
Don't beat yourself up over this - you
aren't evil, deviant, or going to burn in
hell for aborting. Perhaps speaking to a
counselor would help - i'm sorry, i'm not
trying to label you as being crazy, but
sometimes it can feel good to talk to
someone in person about the things that
trouble you.
:) yeah, i'm sure that an abortion does
affect fertility at least a little, but
actually carrying a child to term does
just as much damage, that's all I emant to
convey.
|
jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Posted: 01-14-06 17:16pm
cambion
wrote:
i have read that abortions
can make it just a wee bit harder to get
pregnant...The more a woman has, the
harder it is for her to conceive. Not
saying abortions render a woman infertile,
so don't think that. There are women who
conceive within a month of an abortion, so
obviously it doesn't have a tremendous
impact on one's
fertility.
most studies done on
multiple abortions occur in countries
where abortion is usually the only
form of birth control, it is widely used,
and it is used often. Most .Women in
developed nations only have one abortion a
piece. The studies that I have read
indicate that after 14-16 abortions
(depending on the age and physical health
of the .Woman), the uterine wall does
begin to change, making it harder to
conceive. But, the fact that there .Are
.Women in the world having 14, 16, 20+
abortions points the obvious conclusion
that abortions do not have a widespread
effect on fertility until you start
getting higher into the double digits.
I always tell the .Women that I coucil
whether they choose to obtain an abortion
or not that they cannot change the past,
they can only grow and learn from it.
Unless you were coerced, there were
probably very good reasons for you to
obtain an abortion. No one wants to
have an abortion. No .Woman aspires to
having an abortion. It is almost always
a last resort for .Women who see no other
alternative viable to their current
situation. You cannot change the fact
that you ended a pregnancy. What you do
have control over and what you can change
are the reasons that made you think you
had no other choice but to obtain an
abortion. Most of the time, it is
financial or educational reasons. These
are good reasons. Without a proper
education, how can you hope to provide a
decent life for a family when you do have
one? If this was a part of your reason,
go back to school, take online or night
courses, and do what you can to change the
situation so that if you do become
pregnant again unintentionally or
intentionally, you can hopefully do what
you feel you should.
Other times, the reason is that the .Woman
is in a bad, abusive, or non-existent
relationship. If this was a part of your
reason, end the bad relationship and in
the future date other people who are
supportive, nuturing, and loving. What
also happens is that some .Women become
dependent on these guys who use and abuse
them. Don't allow yourself to become
financially dependent on anyone, be as
independent as you possibly can which also
means that you should always take care of
your education and job goals. Since
.Women still have primary
responsibility for any child that they
have, you must - for the safety and well
being of your family - be financially
independent so that leaving a bad or an
abusive relationship does not plunge you
and your child(ren) into poverty or
homelessness.
And still, if you are unhealthy when you
become pregnant, either physically or
emotionally, those can also be worked on
so that in the future you are healthy
enough to carry the pregnancy (if you want
to) and parent the resulting child (again,
if you want to). And, if you are
addicted to anything unhealthy or that
threatens your life or freedom, .S.T.O.P.
Doing it. Do whatever you can, join
whatever program you can to stop.
Most of the .Women that I see have
combinations of many of these things and
others. I see .Women barely keeping
their heads above water, I see abused
.Women, I see addicted .Women, and I see
.Women who have given up all hope of a
better life. What I try to make them see
is that they are the only ones who can
change the things that they don't like and
that they don't have to do it alone, there
is some help available.
You can't change that you've had an
abortion. I am so sorry that you felt
you had no other choice available to you.
And I am deeply sorry that you now regret
the decision. The decision for me was
very positive, changed my life for the
better (i went back to school), and I felt
empowered and in control of my own life
(really, for the first time). I was no
longer simply reacting to what the world
threw at me, I was actively taking steps
and making the changes that I needed in my
life. I try to help .Women, before and
after the procedure, to get their lives in
order, many of them for the very first
time. I can only hope that my words have
helped you here in some way.
You can't change the past but you can
change your own future.
Peace,
jenn
|
nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2461 Location: ,
Thanks: 14
Thanked:7
Posted: 01-14-06 18:18pm
jenn_smithson
wrote:
the decision for me was
very positive, changed my life for the
better (i went back to school), and I felt
empowered and in control of my own life
(really, for the first time). I was
no longer simply reacting to what the
world threw at me, I was actively taking
steps and making the changes that I needed
in my life. I try to help .Women,
before and after the procedure, to get
their lives in order, many of them for the
very first time. I can only hope
that my words have helped you here in some
way.
You can't change the past but you can
change your own future.
Peace,
jenn
but point out jenn that your abortion was
a must to because it was an ectopic
pregancy. While you have disclosed
openly that even if your pregancy was a
healthy one you would have aborted anyways
your abortion is not the same as the one
that this ladies have done. I do find
positive the experience served for you as
a wake up call for you to finish a college
education something you can still do even
if you are pregnant.
|
jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Posted: 01-14-06 21:10pm
nightangel73
wrote:
but point out jenn that your
abortion was a must to because it was an
ectopic pregancy. While you have
disclosed openly that even if your
pregancy was a healthy one you would have
aborted anyways your abortion is not the
same as the one that this ladies have
done.
it is the same if the
intentions are the same. I had every
intention of obtaining an abortion whether
the pregnancy was "normal" or not. Many
.Women are determined to obtain an
abortion when they feel they have no other
choice.
And, since I was talking about circumstances and not the
abortion itself, what I posted still
stands. The circumstances that I was
facing are the same circumstances that
many .Women are facing when they decide to
obtain an abortion.
Quote:
I do find
positive the experience served for you as
a wake up call for you to finish a college
education something you can still do even
if you are
pregnant.
yes, you can still
complete a college education while
pregnant or the primary care-giver of an
infant. That's why both of my sisters
have college degrees too! Oh, that's
right, they don't.
Again, it depends greatly on your personal
circumstances - your race, your past
socioeconomic level, and even which state
you happen to live in. Not everyone
qualifies for the paltry sums given in
meager grants or subsidized loans. I
have several friends who must go to school
part time because they cannot afford to go
full time and take care of their child.
This means that they may
graduate in 7-10 years time.
For most young .Women who have a child
before they are 18, only 2% attempt any
higher education or job training. Of
those 18-22, the percentage is only
slightly higher. Of those who make the
attempt, most do not graduate which means
that they not only have to take whatever
job they can get because they don't have
the degree but they usually also have
staggering college loans to try to repay
and not to mention the cost of just living
paycheck to paycheck and trying to raise a
child.
Most of my friends with children do not
receive any child support even when the
court states that the guy must pay them.
Many of them are left working low pay, no
promotion jobs for a very long time - like
both of my sisters.
Every once in a while, someone will become
insanely lucky and receive a scholarship
which makes it easier for her but for
single, young .Women with children, it is
never easy. Child care costs money, rent
costs money, heat costs money, food costs
money, clothing costs money,
transportation costs money, and health
care costs money. Even with a complete
scholarship, you could still have to come
up with a lot of money each month just for
your bills which means you may have to get
a job which means you will have less time
to study which means you could lose your
scholarship (all in that order has
happened to a few of my friends who were
in the honor's program).
I do not sugarcoat anything for the .Women
that I cousel. They will know the
positives and negatives of every
choice that can be made and they can then
go home, think about it, or come in for
further couseling later on.
Yes, for the right type of dedicated
person who has adequate support, a college
degree can be obtained while pregnant or
with an infant. For most .Women who have
little to no support even before the
birth, the chances are limited. Our
educational system is far from a beacon of
equality even today. I am not doubting
that it can be done. I'm sure someone,
somewhere (who probably had more resources
and support than she admitted) was able to
do it and ever since she has been held as
an example. However, I have seen the
opposite happen more and with more
regularity even when the .Women had some
sort of financial or social support.
In the end, if a .Woman decides she cannot
risk it, she doesn't have to.
Again, you can't change the past. You
can work on your personal circumstances so
that in the future you personally feel
that your options are not limited solely
to abortion.
Peace,
jenn
|
nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2461 Location: ,
Thanks: 14
Thanked:7
Posted: 01-16-06 19:43pm
I tell you this jenn. When I was in
graduate school one of my classmates was a
mother of 3 small children, worked a third
shift at a company that was one hour away
from the school, was pregnant with the 4
child when she was taking class with me
and you know what? She graduated with the
highest gpa of the school and never turned
in a homework late. I was truly impressed
how she could do that. You know what the
message is?
You can do in life anything you put your
heart into. There is nothing impossible.
If you want something really bad and you
try really hard you will get it.
|
nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2461 Location: ,
Thanks: 14
Thanked:7
Posted: 01-16-06 20:16pm
hahahahahahaha
wrote:
nightangel73
wrote:
you know what the message
is?
that she made a choice to do it. Isn't
it nice to live in a world where you have
choices?
i just wanted to make a remark that if one
does decides to keep a pregancy and want
to be succesful in life one can do it no
matter if you have a dozen children.
Yes, it is indeed certainly nice to live
in world where you have choices.
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 01-17-06 15:31pm
I do agree, their are some single parents
or parents that can do this but not a lot
and it takes someone else helping her or
him to help raise the children, I did it
and I had help and I felt guilty because I
missed out on a lot.
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 01-18-06 15:40pm
When the time is right bitsy you will get
pregnant, just do not be in no hurry, you
have a lot of time, just allow yourself
time to heal.
|
bitsy690
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jan 2006 Posts: 43 Location: Illinois
Posted: 01-21-06 12:46pm
I get so upset when I see pregnant women.
I wish I could be happy for my friend and
familiy members who are pregnant but I
mostly feel sadness and a bit of jealousy.
I hate feeling like this. Sometimes I
think about just finding a random guy to
get me pregnant. I know that sounds
horrible and weird. My heart aches. I
want a baby so badly. I want my baby
that I aborted so badly. I would be
about 6 and a half months pregnant now.
It makes me so sad and I have no one to
blame but myself.
I know that I could support a baby on my
own. Also, I will have my degree in may.
Patience is a virtue, but...
|
~*~Jillian~*~
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Feb 2005 Posts: 1759 Location: Tennessee, USA
Posted: 01-21-06 19:14pm
bahahahahahaha123
wrote:
bitsy690
wrote:
i want a baby so
badly.
you want a replacement baby which is like
having a rebound relationship. Wait
until you are mentally stable. And in a
good, solid relationship. Having a
total stranger impregnant you maybe even a
bigger mistake than you claim the abortion
was.
bitsy if you think its time and you feel
that it will be better for you ...Then I
would say go for it...Its your life and a
baby is a great gift ...I have a 6 month
old and he's the best thing in this
world..Just make sure thats what you want
..Dont jump into it ...Cause if you have
doubts then maybe you should give it
time...If not ...Go for it!
|
jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Posted: 01-21-06 19:25pm
nightangel73
wrote:
you can do in life anything
you put your heart into. There is
nothing impossible. If you want
something really bad and you try really
hard you will get
it.
i'm sorry but I live in
the real world and there are other factors
other than determination that impact
whether or not a particular .Woman or man
will obtain their degree. I have seen a
large number of extremely dedicated young
.Women not make it because they did not
have the proper support.
|
nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2461 Location: ,
Thanks: 14
Thanked:7
Posted: 01-22-06 00:32am
jenn_smithson
wrote:
nightangel73
wrote:
you can do in life anything
you put your heart into. There is
nothing impossible. If you want
something really bad and you try really
hard you will get
it.
i'm sorry but I live in
the real world and there are other factors
other than determination that impact
whether or not a particular .Woman or man
will obtain their degree. I have seen a
large number of extremely dedicated young
.Women not make it because they did not
have the proper
support.
i'm sorry jenn but if they didn't make it
they just don't have enough determination.
I do understand there is few people with
a lot of determination out there. We as
humans tend to be lazy and procrastinate,
we wants thing easy all the time. That's
we have so many abortions. It is the easy
way to solve the problem. But there is
help out there, if you want to sucsess you
can do it.
