My daughter is 16 years old as of sept.
2005 and she's 6 months pregnant. We
both had an error in judgement. Her
boyfriend is from an abused home and has
been staying with us since she became
pregnant. I think he is absolutely
worthless. He doesn't have a job and
can't keep one. He bumms cigarettes or
money from her and everybody else. I try
to be nice for the sake of my daughter
because the more I gripe about him, the
more she runs to him. She has said that
she wouldn't be with him if she wasn't
pregnant by him but yet I can't get her
away from him. She thinks she needs him
there. I have a bad feeling about this
boy. His dad abused him and his mom and
has a very violent temper. He (the
boyfriend) has a violent temper also.
When he gets mad at my daughter, he breaks
stuff he and his family gave her. His
mother gave her a jewelry box for
christmas and he got mad at her one night
and smashed it all to heck and through it
in the trash can. He doesn't tell her he
does this, we just find the stuff later.
He will always make up an excuse of some
kind and she will suck it up everytime.
I am at my wits end and don't know what to
do. Everytime I try to kick him out, she
just fights me that much more and
threatens to leave and take my grandson
away from me. Yes, it's a boy. Tonight
she told me that if I didn't start being
nice to him, that they would move out of
state when she turned 18 years old. I
don't want to lose my daughter! I just
want to get rid of the riff raff! I want
him out of my house!!!!!!! Please
help!!!
|
~rubmybuddahbelly~
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jan 2006 Posts: 752 Location: :( N.O. Evacuee now in TEXAS
Posted: 01-18-06 03:27am
Ok... I'm 17 and my dead beat good for
nothing boyfriend lived with me and my mom
for a yr and a half. He moved in when I
was 15 and I wasn't even pregnant. He
started with a bad temper also came from
an abbusive home where his family could
have given a medical question less. I'm
now 6 months pregnant and he's long gone.
Yes at first he was really good with
everything and had a job and all that paid
my mom rent. Yet he couldnt keep his job
and his temper made us fight all the time.
He went from breaking stuff to trying to
break me. He got really abusive and even
hit me while I was in my 10th week. Thats
when I opend my eyes and left him.
Explain to your daughter if he dosent want
to do something for himself... Then there
is not much he can do for that baby.
|
diamondsz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3173 Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 73
Thanked:104
Posted: 01-18-06 07:57am
All I can say is tough love
your the mother I think you should make
the ground rules as in if you stay here
you have to work as well this guys needs
couselling, you are being an awesome
mother by showing you care and asking for
help and I will never diss someone. Im
22, married with my second child even
though I have an extreme temper I take it
out like a civil person even though I come
from the same background as your daughters
boyfriend...
First off sit your daughter and her bf
down and talk to them make rules that you
seem are fair make sure you inform her bf
that if he doesnt smarten up or if he
dammages anymore property he will have to
take responsibility forit call the cops
not only has he dammaged property its
domestic abuse. What if he decides he
cant deal with the pressure of being a
parent and hits ur daughter or grandson
you need to stand up for your daughters
safety (yes she will get mad at you) but
you dont always get what you want in
life.
What im writing right now is somethng my
parents did yes I got pissy with them and
told them I would never talk to them again
but now me and my mother have the best
relationship and I could never ask for
more. If I was in your place this what I
would do for rules
~make bf get a job and pay rent just even
ask for 100$ (make him sign a leaseas well
inculde a dammage liability so if he
dammages anything he has to pay for it) he
needs to grow up
~be strict with your daughter but dont
stress her out too much no means no
~inforce rules you think are adequate
~dont play one against the other sit them
down together and inform them or just to
talk
~call the abuse home/group hom and see if
you can get a cousellor or someone to come
in once a week use all resources provided
to you
~just remeber your an awesome mother and
no matter what ur doing whats right for
your child
if you need to talk pm me or send me an
email I can help from personal expierence
je
ssica_lyne2@hotmail.Com
wishing you best of luck
jess
~
|
jewelskye
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 172 Location: Los Angeles
Posted: 01-18-06 08:03am
My boyfriend was never physically abusive,
per se, but he was very verbally abusive.
I met him in june 04; I was thirteen, in
the eighth grade, and he was fifteen, in
ninth. We started going out around my
fourteenth birthday and I got pregnant
august 2005. I turned fifteen in
december.
The thing about some guys is that they can
be abusive without making it seem that
badly for you. Like when my boyfriend
yelled at me and called me names, he was
usually blaming me for something in the
process. When I told him I was pregnant,
he smashed the mirror in my room and told
me that I had to find "some other fool to
support you and the health questions."
as someone who has been the girlfriend who
is taken advantage of, I think that you
should sit down with your daughter and
talk to her about all the reasons why she
does not need her boyfriend around,
endangering the health of her and her
baby. But, you should still have her tell
him that he is under obligation to pay
child support, if that is the decision
that you and your daughter have made.
I think it's wonderful that you love your
daughter this much. :)
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