Bipolar Fiance... Need a Way to Help Him Calm Down Posted: 01-18-06 17:33pm
My fiance was diagnosed as bipolar a
couple of months ago. My father is
bipolar too, so it's nothing new really to
me, just being on a different angle with
it.
Anyway, since he's been on the right meds,
he's only had a couple of episodes.
His episodes always involve him hitting
himself or harming himself (today he
knocked himself out by hitting his head
into a wall). The entire time, I was
doing what his therapist said to do, try
giving him a hug.
Lately it seems when I try to do that, he
thinks i'm trying to corner him, and
starts hyperventilating saying he needs to
leave......
Does anyone have a suggestion of how to
calm him down? Or should I just let his
episode tire him out?
I don't want to get to phsyically close to
him, because he is in the middle of
hitting himself sometimes, and I never
want to be in the crossfire of him
fighting with himself. (per his
therapist's advice...)
is there maybe something I could say to
him that would help?
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CelticJenn
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Jan 2006 Posts: 13 Location: NorthWest
Posted: 01-19-06 19:27pm
My husband is bi-polar and used to behave
exactly the same way.
Learning what it is thats causing such
stress, beforehand helps, if possible.
Overload on stress can cause a bi polar
swing, and medication isnt going to to
cure it, but it'll reduce the severity.
My recommendation would be to help him
relax the best you can... If you can see
beforehand something is triggering his
stress, intercept it with calm words, help
remove him from the situation, by
meditation, tea, soothing music, anything
he enjoys that'll get him calm asap.
Trust me, touching him while he's in a
manic episode will only make matters
worse.
Good luck.
I know it's tough.. I've been though this
for 5 years, and i'm just now learning
what to do and what not to do.... Hope
this helps.
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DSmith529
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Oct 2005 Posts: 59
Posted: 01-20-06 07:04am
Isn't that his job--figuring out a way to
calm himself down? He's not an infant,
he needs to learn an appropriate way to
self-soothe.
He also needs to learn to recognize his
physical reactions to stress and when he
is building up a good head of poor-me/f*ck
you!
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CelticJenn
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Jan 2006 Posts: 13 Location: NorthWest
Posted: 01-20-06 13:33pm
I agree with you, that the person should
be able to recognize when they are
starting to stress out and calm down
before they start reacting, however
sometimes they just can't.
Depending on how well the medication is
working and how long they've been in
therapy, sure I can see they'd be able to
recognize immediately when things start to
go down again, but if they were just
recently diagnosed, i'm sorry to say
there's a long road ahead of recovery and
patience.
It takes a lot of support to get through
this, that's i'm assuming why you're here,
trying to get some help.
You can take it or leave it. And good
luck in the future.
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quaya
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jan 2006 Posts: 9
Learning Stress Triggers Posted: 01-24-06 06:39am
I am bi polar...Sometimes you don't know
what the stress triggers are..I have abuse
issues as a child and something..A smell,
a day...Whatever might start to trigger
me..I just go into my room and try not to
interact with anyone..I don't want to hurt
anyones feelings but if they are
constantly on you asking whats wrong...Did
I do something....Or just plain old
manipulations or disrespect thats all I
need to trigger..Yes don't touch or push
us into a corner where we can't
breathe...I am hiding because I love too
much not to...I hate this mental disease
but the mental disease is not me...Just
like cancer.... You didn't want to grow
up and have it...It's there...
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CelticJenn
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Jan 2006 Posts: 13 Location: NorthWest
Posted: 01-24-06 12:49pm
Thank you quaya....
That really puts things into perspective.
I'm not bi-polar that I know of but my
husband is, and all I have is the
information he tells me and stuff like
that.
For my husband, he eventually came to me
and told me everything traumatic that
happened in his past and he never told
anyone before, and he is for the most able
to cope with it now, as he has been in
some pretty intense therapy, and stuff,
but he still has to live with the pain.
It's not his fault.
It's not anyone's fault, they have to live
with being bi-polar,and it's not anyone's
fault what happens while growing up, no
matter how old you are, and what sorts of
things happened. And I really repect what
you said, that really hit the nail on the
head about how he feels too..
I also agree with you when you said you
don't know what particuarly triggers
this... He has a hard time too sometimes,
sometimes it's not easy to calm him down,
it's completely random, and it's a little
more difficult, but it works out
eventually.
Sometimes, i'll ask him what's wrong and
he doesn't know, and he tells me he doesnt
know how I can help him. It's that
simple, it just depends.
I think it's just super unfair to get mad
at him for not being able to (control
himself) at times, or recognize when he's
getting too stressed out, it happens so
fast sometimes and without warning.
Thank you again, quaya
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 01-24-06 14:48pm
Hi there! Just a quick thought as I
know and understand what being bi-polar
is. I went to a couple of .E.M.D.R.
Sessions, they work a lot on problems in
the past such as abuse, something that
happened in the war, certain people with
phobias and it has really helped alot of
people, why couln't it help someone that
is bi-polar, just a thought and something
that can be researched or talked to the
Dr. About, I totally felt such a
release.
The very best to you all!
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CelticJenn
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Jan 2006 Posts: 13 Location: NorthWest
Posted: 01-24-06 15:35pm
My husband really should join this forum I
speak a lot for him. He has been doing
the e.M.D.R sessions, for his
circumstances adn it has turned him around
almost completely, well his p.T.S.D has
greatly imrpoved, he no longer has
flashbacks, nightmares, blackouts, or
bouts or anger that destroy walls or doors
or anything in his path.
He has a lot easier time now since the
e.M.D.R.
Now i'm not sure how it's helped his
bi-polar, or if that is something that
can even be worked out like that, as it
is heredetary, and whatnot. Very
interesting.
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