Dealing With An Abusive Ex Posted: 01-21-06 14:30pm
I've been dating my girlfriend for about 7
months now and she's accepted my proposal
for marriage. The problem is that she was
in an abusive relationship when we met.
She has a beautiful daughter from the
relationship and me being a father, I
would normally encourage her to try and
get along with him. She also hasn't
mentioned me to him. He suspects that
there is someone, but she hasn't come out
and told him. I can't figure out whether
or not she's afraid of what he might do or
if she is still holding on. He is not a
good father and i'm pretty that the only
reason he wants to see his daughter is to
try and get her to come back to him. I'm
not sure whether to sit back and see how
this is going to play out or to be firm
with her and demand that she tells him.
Throughout the relationship he has
threatened her and he calls her
constantly. Now he's being nice and she's
starting to give in. She's a very
forgiving person, but i'm starting to
wonder if there are still some feelings
there. She's taking the baby to see him
today and i'm worried sick. I have no
idea what this guy will do. Is this fair?
Thanks in advance for any input or
suggestions
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stefanie
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Oct 2005 Posts: 33
Posted: 03-14-06 19:06pm
Wow that is a pretty sticky situation.
I had an abusive ex not so much physical
but definatly mentally and verbally.
Anyway it's really hard when there is a
child envolved. If he is a competant
father which I would question if I were
her if he was abusive would a mother want
her child around that. But again I don't
know that whole story.
I think she maybe a little afraid of him.
My ex was calling me long after we broke
up and he would say really nasty things to
me, I am a little weary about him myself
and I haven't mentioned my new boyfriend
to him jsut because it's really non of his
business and he would probably bug me even
more.
But since they have a child together if he
treats his child well then you have to
respect taht she is just trying to keep
the father daughter relationship alive.
It's important for the child to know both
parents especially if they both care for
this baby. It's also important for the
child to see both mommy and daddy getting
along even it if it's just civilly.
I would defantly talk this through with
your fiance, it's important that you are
both on the same page and everything needs
to be confronted and worked out before
marraige.
