Hello. I just need to share my story and
see what other depressed people think
about it/ relate. Ever since I was in
kindergarden I was different than the
other kids. I was not hyper. I would
listen to the nannies and would never
disbehave. As I god older I kinda became
constantly happy. Signing for no reason
because I was happy, prancing around and
smilingall the time. As I hit 14 years
I lost the spark for life and by 15 I had
full blown depression. Now that I think
about it my depression had a direct
relation to my marks at school. I was
also gaining alot of weight and was obese
at this time. So at 17 I was considering
suicide and would have tried it if I had
the means.
Then I changed my lifestyle and
introduced exceercise and a good diet and
started to lose fat. My friends all
noticed this, people gave compliments. I
got rid of my depression and all seemed to
be going great until december 2005. I
started to drop down again and here comes
depression again. Now a couple weeks
away from my 19th birthday I feel really
low. I can't function: do homework or
chores that I know I have to do. I
consulted philosophy for an answer and
came up with existentialism - which I was
even before reading about it. It leads
to the idea that suicide is not the way to
go. It makes perfect sense in my head to
be happy and keep living. I am very
priveledged compared to most people in
this world. So what is the problem? I
am most afraid that I will start abusing
alcohol as soon as my birthday comes as I
already did it once this year.
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fatfamily02
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jul 2005 Posts: 3050 Location: Georgia, USA
Posted: 01-26-06 01:56am
Quote:
hello. I just
need to share my story and see what other
depressed people think about it/ relate.
Ever since I was in kindergarden I was
different than the other kids. I was not
hyper. I would listen to the nannies and
would never disbehave. As I god older I
kinda became constantly happy. Signing
for no reason because I was happy,
prancing around and smilingall the time.
this was me. I also noticed changes,
(around 19 years old) but mine began when
I hooked up with a verbally abusive man,
who became my husband and the father of my
children. I know mine has a lot to do
with co-dependancy, and I have "re-cycled"
many times in the following years, after
spells of great peace and joy in my heart.
Never as high again as when I was a
little child, but much better than the
re-cycle. I did find that seratonin
uptake inhibitor made me extremely happy,
content and peaceful. So somewhere in my
hormonal make up, there is something
making my seratonin off balance. All the
hormones are linked to each other in some
way. Now did the pain and
hurt--disappointment come first or did the
seratonin imbalance??? I think the loss
of control, the in-ability to make it
"right" for those around us, is the cause
for the depression, leading to a never
ending cycle that just goes down, down and
down.
I have finally recovered from the
co-dependancy and the re-cycle of it. I
have learned many years ago that my value
does not come from how good of a mother I
can be, or how good of a student I can be,
or how good of a friend I can be, this is
not my value. My value is in me, and I
do make mistakes and I dont have to always
be perfect, I can choose to say no. And
I will never return to an empty well
trying to find water ever again. If they
love me, they will love me no matter how
"wicked I can be" and if they dont love
me, they will not love me no matter how
"angelic I can be." it is not in my
control and they will choose what they
want to believe. No matter how hard I try
and convince them.
