Recovering From An Abusive Relationship Posted: 01-27-06 12:28pm
Hi all, I was reading some of the things
in this forum and felt like maybe someone
here could help me to view my reality in a
different light.
I am currently struggling to overcome the
wounds created by being in a negative and
manipulative relationship. In fact my
family correctly points out that it wasn't
a *relationship* as such due to the fact
that my boyfriend provided me with no
support or love at any time.
I have known this guy for over five years,
and we (me and my family) considered him
to be a family friend. He is seen as a
very respected person by a lot of the
people in my professional group (i am a
jazz musician - I am currently trying to
finish my degree). As a trusted friend he
used to come over for dinner, help me to
get home from gigs and worked with me in
musical settings. One night when we were
all out at a gig (we being he, my uni
friends and lecturers and myself) and I
was due to stay at a friends house he
bought me some drinks, this was not
unusual, he had bought me a beer or two a
number of times in the past. Somehow that
evening I became extreemly intoxicated (i
must now point out that I was never the
type of girl to drink a lot, I would just
enjoy one or two drinks every now and
then) and physically ill. Anyway to cut a
long story short... This guy took
advantage of me in that condition by
putting me in the car instead of leaving
me at my frinds place and taking me home
with him. Anyone reading this can most
likely guess what followed. I had no idea
what was going on... I believe now that I
fell unconcious quite early on. Well....
The worst part of this is that after that
night this guy somehow managed to talk me
into believing he didn't mean to take
advantage of me, and meant the best for
me. Having been convinced and feeling
like it was the only constructive thing to
do after I had lost my control I agreed to
try and proceed with a relationship with
him. During the four months that he and I
were *together* he treated me extreemly
cooly, having me feel very insecure in our
relationship, and trying hard to make it
work. I knew at the time that by
persevering I was avoiding the reality
that I was being mistreated. Anyhow....
So the four months ended with him dumping
me with no good reason. I would like to
point out that he is treated like an icon
by all my friends and associates, and so
when he left me I had to suffer being
ignored and treated like a reject as a
result. Also I found out that during the
relationship he had been talking to his
best friend about me and that night in a
very unfavourable way...
I am starting to get clouded over by the
number of different issues involved
here... So I will try to summarise...
It is now 10 months or so since he left
me. I have been through counselling and I
am on an antidepressant. I deferred my
course at uni last year to allow myself
time to recover, and now am facing going
back. As a musician I have found it very
difficult... All the way through my
career and studies this guy has been
around and a big part of it. So now
wherever I go, whatever I hear and whoever
I play with it is all connected to him in
some way. I am finding it exceedingly
difficult to focus without constant
reminders. I feel shocked that I have
been treated so badly in so many ways by
someone I trusted so much. At least I am
not fooling myself anylonger, but I still
find that I am completely stunned and
unable to see through it all to regain the
focus and love for what I do that I once
had.
I am struggling to feel confident and
comfortable with men now... Which is very
much against my grain as I was brought up
by my father since I was 10 months old...
We are very close. However I find I don't
trust guys at all.... I can be very
bitter.... I feel alone and like I can't
find a good guy. That reminds me.... I
wasn't even looking for a relationship at
the time... I was completely focused on
my studies.... I couldn't have been less
interested. Now I feel like I need a good
relationship, but I don't feel like I can
find one...
I need to find a way of regaining my focus
and enjoying what I do again. I just wish
I could turn the clocks back.... I was
getting on fine.... But now I am
completely gutted.... I have only one
friend who doesn't think this guy is
god.... And therefore only one person
other than my family who doesn't treat my
like some kind of reject.
I quite honestly just don't know what to
do sometimes.... I manage ok most
days.... Charging on ahead as you do....
But I then have days where I am lost....
I feel like a shell of a person.... I
can't remember what it is like to be
truely happy....
I don't really know how to end this
post.... I guess I am just wondering if
anyone knows of any techniques to recover
from such things.... To regain focus and
move beyond the past...
If anyone reads this... Thank you for
your time :)
all the best to everyone.... I hope
everyone achieves what they want in
life.
