My husband & I are going on 6 years of
marriage--we've been together a total of 9
years.
I've recently concluded that i'm not in
love with him anymore. He's a nice guy,
a great friend, but our relationship is
more of a friendship with the occasional
bed-buddy benefits. Everything about us
is separate...Our bills, bank accounts,
everything. We just started sleeping
under the same comforter 6 mos. Ago
because I thought it might help us to be
closer.
I'm at the point of walking out, and he's
telling me how much he loves me, is in
love with me, needs me, etc. Problem is,
we go through this cycle every 3-4
months...He's great for a few weeks, then
reverts back to annoying the he!! Out of
me. I'm more like his mom than his wife.
I'm 26 and have really come into my own,
and it's not who I used to be (we met when
I was 17) or who I think he needs. I'm
very outgoing & like to be active
& he doesn't (he's 30).
He finally decided to go to counseling,
but I think it's too little, too late.
I know what I want to do, but i'm so
worried about destroying him--especially
since he's finally in love with me the way
he should have been years ago.
Any been in a similar situation?
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lsipes
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jan 2006 Posts: 325
Posted: 01-27-06 22:34pm
My situation was quite different. But I
will say that I think you should give it a
shot. You may surprised at what
councelling can do. You may think you're
no longer in love with him but there is
that possibility that it's just hidden
behind all the annoyance. If you know he
really loves you, I say give it a couple
of months. And really put yourself into
it. And try. Hard. You wouldn't want
to do anything you will regret.
If you really feel that you can't be with
him anymore (the key is finding things you
both enjoy and enjoying them together, in
my opinion), then good luck in you
decision. Ultimately, you know what's
best for you and you know what you're
feeling better than anyone. I just think
that discussing it with a neutral person
(councelor) may help. Good luck!
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Lillyvan777
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2006 Posts: 6 Location: Superior wi
Try Posted: 01-28-06 12:10pm
It sounds like your husband has some
really good quality's and believe me, they
are hard to come by. The older you get
the harder it is to find a good guy. I
would try the couselor. It's get that he
is willing to try, and if that doesn't
help, than leave. But give it all you
have first so you will have no regrets,
just my thoughts. Good luck to you.
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undecidedInCO
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Jan 2006 Posts: 10 Location: Colorado
Posted: 01-30-06 10:47am
Thank you for your resopnses. I'm going
to see what the counselor can offer
us...At least that way I can say I tried
everything...
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004 Posts: 6492 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-30-06 11:10am
I'm kind of in the same boat except we
have a baby involved. But I too think I
just am not in love with him anymore and
everything he does annoys me. I talked
to mine about counseling and he laughed so
at least yours is willing to try. But if
the feelings aren't there then all the
counseling in the world won't make it
better.
Ah gosh i'm no good at giving advice in
this stuff-sorry
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undecidedInCO
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Jan 2006 Posts: 10 Location: Colorado
Posted: 01-30-06 18:48pm
Mine used to scoff at the idea of
counseling...We tried group counseling
once & it got to be sooo stressful to
hear him whine about having to go that it
was just easier to deal with him and not
go...It's at the point that there's no
option.
I am thankful that there aren't any kids
involved...That must be very hard.
It's just a feeling in my head & heart
that the love isn't there anymore. I'm
glad he's in love with me now, but why
wasn't he acting this way for the past 8
years when I actually was in love with
him...Why does it take me threatening to
leave for him to straighten up?
Funny thing is, this is how the cycle
goes...He'll be great for 2-3 weeks then
be a jerk again.
Good luck to you...Hopefully we'll both
get things worked out soon!
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MizzPurty28
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Feb 2006 Posts: 25
Posted: 03-01-06 16:51pm
I was also on the opposite end of
yourself. I was my ex husband for 8 years
but he wasn't in love with me anymore. He
felt sorry for me and didn't think I could
support myself financially. He went on to
have an affair which hurt me terribly. It
made him feel less worse if I was the one
ending the marriage because he forced me
into it. He should have let me go years
earlier and been straight with me, would
have hurt so much less. Eventually you
are going to meet someone you want to be
with in every way. Get out now so you
won't have an affair hanging over your
head. Don't keep the poor man on a hook.
If it's over in your book, let him know it
sooner rather than later. You will be
doing each other a favor and he will
respect you afterwards if you do it the
right way.
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DigitalPhotoD70
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 May 2006 Posts: 4 Location: Ennis, Texas
Posted: 05-16-06 10:22am
It is never easy. I say if you think you
can love him again do what you are doing
and try but some people won't change. In
my divorce I didn't realize until it was
too late what a caca I was. Not saying it
was all my fault but I should have tried
harder sooner. If you try now you will
feel better later despite what happens.
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