Broken Hearted Forum - Lost And Feeling So Hopeless, New Here

:twisted:
i have been married to a man for 2.5 years and now 6 month's pg. I am 34 years old and have two daughters 13 and 15. I devorced my first husband 13 years ago. I had such high hopes for this marriage. I married a man that is 10 years older than myself. He has never had children and his longest relationship was 6 months when he was 28, he's now 44. That should have been my first clue. We moved into his house and all hell broke loose. Everything is always wrong, nothing is good enough for him. I don't make enough money, even though I pay my share of the bills, he is always saying how he has to pay for my student loan, but I am the one that makes the check out and it comes out of my check book, not his. Everything I do is done, stupid and I even hate to be around other people with him, because he always cuts me down, I am so un-easy when he is around. I am un-organized, stupid, un-educated, a bad mother and a all screwed up, so he says. I graduated from a two year program and currently working in my field. He is an engineer and he's very smart. My oldest daughter isn't doing that hot in school. Ninth grade is rough and I think I should let her work it out, she's trying and that's good enough for me. He's on her constantly and refuses to let me handle it. He knows so much more for someone that has never been a parent. Things were getting better for the last year and we went to couseling and the couselor helped him, mostly he would stick up for me and tell him he's wrong, he even fusses if there isn't a towel out for drying his hands. I am just so sick of his drama, surely everything can't be all the bad. I'm pretty laid back and my goal was to create a stable, relaxed home for these girls of mine. Little did I know that I have been doing that for years all by myself. Sometimes I just want him gone. I think of ways to kill him, even though I would never. I know that if I leave him and take childsupport and part of his land, he will kill me. I know this to be true. It's like I have no place to call my own because this is his house, his rules, his life and I just can take the verbal beatings anymore. I hate him. I hate him, really. He thinks he's my father, his sister thinks I should leave him and she doesn't know how I made it the two years, his entire family knows how cruel and rotten he is too me. They know that all he does is yell. I just don't love him anymore. Now I have another baby, to raise on my own, which wouldn't be so bad. He thinks I had this baby for him........... I can see it now, I don't feel as if he would be an good father for any child. I feel like he drove me so over the edge that I went crazy for the first year, drinking a lot and acting crazy, no I feel that he doesn't have much power over me anymore, just that fact that if I leave, I will die. He knows I have no family, no one really to turn to, except his sister and I can't really do that because than his poor mother, who I adore will be so upset. His mother thinks I should just get out of his way when he acts up. Now, I get in his face and want to rip his eyes out. I also have my own little dog buisness, I have four dogs now. I can't even rent a place with dogs. My credit is getting better and better, as I have been working on that for a few years now. I almost think that I could get my own home, a place to call my own. No a place that is his.