Hey you guys well I used to use this site
as a different name but I forgot about
this for a while..Well the last time I
wrote on here I said I was getting help
and that I didnt need my e.D anymore..Well
I was fine for a couple of weeks...But im
slowly going back too my old self=[..I
binge then vomitt I dont eat for days and
I exercise like crazyy..And I like the
feeling of not eating..And no food in me.
But I just dont want to get back to that
b.C I know it is a horrible thing....And
when im angry I cut my self and I o.D on
pills...And I just smoke so much..And my
body literly feels like it is dying and im
like alwasy tired I feel burnt out and I
feel liek there just isnt enough time in
the day to do everything!...And I was
bulimic for 3 years and anorexic for about
1..I relized it was easier to not eat than
to eat.Lol...So I dont know what I should
do wiht my self..Half the time I want to
die!!...So can anyone help me??.... :cry:
:?: :!: :?:
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7lily
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jan 2006 Posts: 11
Hang In There. And Keep Trying. Posted: 01-30-06 01:57am
I am in the same position as you....So I
can't say that I can help much. My post
is above.
We have to stop this. Not only does my
body feel terrible...And probably will for
a while....But I am terrified of what I
may have done.
Over the last week, I have only b/p 3
times.....That is better.....
But something has to be done. I cannot
live like this anymore. I was almost more
happy when I was fat......
But now I am in a vicious cycle...Because
I have bought all new clothes, and if I
start gaining weight again, the rest of my
family (my boyfriend already knows) will
find out.....I can't have that.
I need to see a psychologist....Sounds
like you do too.....
Please hang in there, and try to at least
cut back or stop. That is all that we can
do. I promise that I will if you do.
But trust that I know how you feel....And
we can't let this go further.
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gumby007
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jan 2006 Posts: 13 Location: Arizona
I Believe... Posted: 01-30-06 12:55pm
Those are the hardest words you can ever
say to yourself! "i'm a failure"
everyone makes mistakes. We are human!
I myself had an eating disorder. I'm 21
now, luckily with friends, family and
doctors anything is possible!
Dont give up! You can do it!
Best of luck to yah!
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Crazyness24
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jan 2006 Posts: 179 Location: Jersey
Not a Failure Posted: 02-07-06 12:04pm
You are not a failure! This is a problem
many women face. Even myself. I was
always very thin in hs I was only about 90
pounds. Then when I met my boyfriend and
got older things change. I was a size 0
now im a 5 which is not bad but im trying
to get back down to a 1 atleast. But my
mom says I look healthy now and that I
looked bad that skinny even my boyfriend
says that im great the way I am but I just
don’t see it. I have never been bulimic
or anorexic but I have taken laxatives
which may very well be a disorder but who
really knows. I watch everything I eat I
literally count the carbs and calories on
everything I eat and I don’t know how to
stop. What I really think you should do
is talk to someone a counselor maybe. Im
debating it myself but when you do these
things to your body(vomit not eating) your
destroying yourself. I hate that fact
that women constantly have to watch
everything they eat because we feel we
need to look as good as women in holly
wood like jessica simpson who’s
supposedly 108 pounds which I doubt! She
was 135 on newlyweds but whatever. I
think all we can do is try to help each
other. I have never met someone that was
“ok” with how they look. Its crazy
that I want to be as skinny as I was but I
just cant stop. I myself don’t know
what to do.
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epiphany
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2006 Posts: 6
Posted: 02-07-06 21:36pm
I know exactly how you feel..
Especially when you said that it is easier
not to eat than to eat...
I feel like I can go a long time without
eating..And I feel great..But when it
comes time to eat..And people make me
eat..Even if it's just a snack..I won't
stop..Once I start..I can't have one
sandwich..I have to have 6..It's
insane..
You're no freak..
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mks
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 21 Location: AL
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Hope Posted: 03-06-06 12:02pm
It kills me that you say you are a
failure. Like another person posted, we
all make mistakes. I have made many.
Reality is that you will always have to
stay on top of this and you will do good
for a while and then some people fall back
and a rare few do not. But no matter how
many times you fall back into it, you can
always get out of it again and try harder.
You need support around your
home/community.
About the failure thing. Even though we
think or may think that our weight and
problems are what determines who we are,
they are not! These problems can control
your actions and your physical appearance,
but those things are not you.
I think that if you made a goal (even a
fairly easy one) to reach in your life
that does not have one thing to do with
weight/appearance/food/cutting etc. That
you will see that you can be successful
inspite of your more serious problems.
Find a place you want to go, a sport you
want to try, an instrument to play,
scrapbooking or other crafts, volunteer to
help other people with their problems,
anything that will let you see that the
world is much bigger and that you are much
better than your problems. Yes you will
still have problems and you will still
have crappy mins. Hours, days, or weeks,
but you may help someone else in the
process. Good luck
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v00d00cita
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 04 Mar 2006 Posts: 724
Thanks: 0
Thanked:4
Re: Im a Failure Posted: 03-07-06 04:56am
I'm new here... Read this post and felt
identified... I need to talk, if you
don't mind...
brokeninsidex
wrote:
i binge then vomit I don't
eat for days and I exercise like crazy.And
I like the feeling of not eating..And no
food in me. (...) I relized it was easier
to not eat than to eat. (...) I don't
know what I should do with myself. (...)
so can anyone help me??....:cry: :?: :!:
:?:
i feel just like this, if I start eating I
get incontrolled and eat eat eat eat
non-stop, and then... :\ I feel horrible
for some reasons... One, because i'm
hurting people who dearly love me and like
me for who I am, and two because I don't
like me but I see people who can
appreciate themselves without this
guilt...
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mks
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 21 Location: AL
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Identified Posted: 03-07-06 13:22pm
Voodoocita, I know you identified with
"brokeninsidex" but I just wanted you both
to know that I feel like you can't
appreciate yourselves because you are
identifing yourself as your disease. You
are not your problems. If you have failed
at being a "good" bulimic or anorexic then
you have actually succeeded in life!!!
You are not suppose to feel good about
hurting yourself. Anyway, I hope you both
figure out that you can be and do so much
if you don't focus on the bad stuff as
much. I do know that it is hard and I do
understand. I just thought that you two
were way to depressed to not hear a little
good news!
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v00d00cita
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 04 Mar 2006 Posts: 724
Thanks: 0
Thanked:4
Posted: 03-08-06 08:50am
It was just so hard to me to see and to
accept i'm a bulimic.
Mks, reading your words, I actually got
aware that I was the first person to admit
that I am ill. I feel depressed for
various reasons, even this morning, before
coming to college. I ate one and a half
bread and some cookies... I ate them just
for eating, because I saw them on the
table... :(
it's this that I wanna stop doing, because
one leads to the other. If I can control
myself, I know i'll stop throwing up, i'm
sure. So, why can't I just control
myself?
Brokeninsidex, I used to be a bulimic in a
different way last two or three years -
not eating at all. I fainted on the bus a
few times, but I just felt it was ok.
Now, my problem is to accept food in an
appropriate way - not overeating nor not
eating at all.
Tomorrow i'm going to the doctor. I asked
one of my best friends to go with me (she
knows what is going on) so that i'll have
to tell everything - I mean everything
about throwing up, not eating, overeating,
the incontrol,... - that I didn't tell
when I went there.
Yesterday afternoon something strange
happened to me. My first name is not a
common name, so you don't find a lot of
gifts with it. I once found a thing to
hand on a door and then my sister found
some door-keys in london, but both were
ugly :$
so, yesterday, when I got home after
school and hoaxing, she came to me and
said "look what i've got for you, look
what i've found" and gave me a pretty
door-keys with my name on it. On the
reverse side it has written "you are
determined person who manages to
accomplish what you define as your goals
with your own will".
I just can't stop thinking about this.
They don't know about my disease, but this
sentence just feels right here, because I
want to be good again. That is what I
have to believe in - that I can do it.
