Joined: 04 Sep 2005 Posts: 3730 Location: vancouver island, bc canada
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Issues With Brother Posted: 02-12-06 03:48am
Hey im sorry this is off topic but I didnt
know where to go, and I know alot of
people here are nice and will help me
out. Im not preggo or anything.. But
heres my problem
im 16 (17 in 2 weeks) and my brother has
issues (hes 22 as of today feb 11) the way
I feel as if he feels he is a supirrior
because my mom left almost 2 or 3 years
ago. He acts as though he is the mother.
Which isnt a bad thing, its the fact I
swear he has an anger problem. About 2
weeks ago the dog was outside barking so
he was smashing on the window really hard
telling the dog to come in and he broke
the window. Whenever he is corrected he
yells and screams. He's always looking
down upon me calling me stupid. And heres
the worst part. He hits me sometimes, and
not softly, hardly.
Today I downloaded wordveiwer so I could
look at my resume at my grandpas house and
he raiged at me, saying I didnt need it I
could just open it with wordpad which I
already did and it only came up with weird
letters. And after him yelling and then
coming up to the comp to try and do it I
said "i already tried it comes up with
weird letters" and he kept going on and I
said "i know eric! Im not that stupid!"
and then he smacked me really hard I had a
handprint on my face and he yelled " yes
you !@#$ing are!" and then walked away.
My boyfriend was standing beside me when
this happend and was holding himself back
from hitting my brother because he dosnt
want the family to hate him and I told him
before not to do anything.
Now my bf feels bad for not doing anything
at all. When my dad got home today I
told him wat had happend and he didnt do a
thing, because this happens all the time,
well use to, not so often anymore
considering im trying to avoid being
around him which had been doing good for
the past while.
Im not only scared for me, but for my cat.
My cat cant do anything (hes only 4
months old) without getting squirted by
the waterbotle by my brother, and once he
threw him into my room and my kitten hit
the wall.
I know I could have said something but
that would have only made thigns worse so
I just sit here and bite at my nails. I
finally realised why I have never had
nails.
Sorry for the very long post but I dont
know what to do
thanks for letting me vent, I dont know
where else to go
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fatfamily02
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jul 2005 Posts: 3050 Location: Georgia, USA
Posted: 02-12-06 03:58am
You need to either make your dad listen
and do something or you need to get away
from that!!! You have too---this is a
really bad scene just waiting to
happen--if you know what I mean!!
.God bless you hon,
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oh_mommy
Supporter
Joined: 04 Sep 2005 Posts: 3730 Location: vancouver island, bc canada
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Posted: 02-12-06 04:07am
Yeah, I know I need to leave but there
isnt a place for me to go where I wouldnt
be draged back here. My dad didnt do a
thing when I told him, nobody in my family
ever does.My boyfriend (shawn) says I
could tell the police and they would
either arrest my bro or give him an abuse
charge. But they would probably take me
away from my family, and I dont want my
family mad at me for ratting on one of
"our own" I dont knwo what to do. I have
nowhere to go. My mom wont take me in
because she only has a one room app. And
by the way she acts dosnt want me ruining
her sex life.
What am I to do? My boyfriend cant help
me out much unless he gets a good enough
joba nd can move out too, but thats hard
getting a job in my town and that would
still take alot of time
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fatfamily02
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jul 2005 Posts: 3050 Location: Georgia, USA
Posted: 02-12-06 04:44am
I have been in situations before seemed
like no way out,
i know how hard it can be--but there has
to be something--
.God have mercy!!
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oh_mommy
Supporter
Joined: 04 Sep 2005 Posts: 3730 Location: vancouver island, bc canada
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Posted: 02-12-06 04:53am
Yeah I know there has to be something. My
bf really wants me to talk to my dad, but
that wont hel. He wants me to threaten
saying if he dosnt do anything about eric
im out, but my dad would just tell me to
ignore it. Like they have been telling me
to do for I dont know how long, but I cant
ignore it anymore. I dont want to get my
brother charged or taken away. I just
want to excape from him. What can I do
::cry::
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Jolie_3110
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Dec 2005 Posts: 1755 Location: Essex, England
Posted: 02-12-06 08:44am
Its good that you are trying to seek some
help, and rightly to this cant carry on,
is there no other family members around
who you can talk to?
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AlliE_18
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Dec 2005 Posts: 2129 Location: uk
Posted: 02-12-06 09:51am
What about moving in with your grandad?
Or you could arrange a time to sit down
with your mum and talk, explain what your
brother does, how he hits you, surely she
will get a bigger place so you can move in
with her, or let u sleep on the sofa at
her place now. Or she might have a friend
who can let u live with them. Talk to
her.
Or ask one of your friends mothers if they
will let you move in -that happens a
lot.
Goodluck ok
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wannababy25
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Jan 2006 Posts: 262 Location: Near Ottawa, ON
Posted: 02-12-06 12:12pm
Are you in highschool? Do you live in
canada or the us? Is your grandfather not
able to help?
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oh_mommy
Supporter
Joined: 04 Sep 2005 Posts: 3730 Location: vancouver island, bc canada
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Posted: 02-12-06 16:14pm
I live in canada, and for my grandparents
they dont say anything when I tell them my
whole family dosnt do anything. Ive told
my mom before and she just told me to tell
my grandpa about it. As for family taking
me in is a no because they are all the
same and will tell me to ignore it. And
if I leave they will haunt me down and
take me back. And yes I am in highschool,
im in grade 11. My boyfriend wants me to
tell my dad if he dosnt do something about
eric im out and I can live with him for
abit.. Abit being the word, considering I
would be pushed back here. And I could
take my cat with me to their house. The
only thing is, if I told his parents they
would press charges on my brother, and I
dont want that. And they would take the
dog away from my dad. My boyfriend says
they would most likly take eric away, but
I cant see them taking a 22 year old
away.. What would they do with him?.
Im so confused.. As for today im safe
from eric because he is at his friends
house for the day, but that dosnt happen
often. His 'friends' dont overly like
him, I talk to them and they've told me
they dont overly like him because he's a
party pooper and does nothing but talk
about video games and his ex girlfriend
and how good of a cook he is (but he sucks
at cooking, my dads a chef so yeah I
compare most food to that) I unno what to
do.
Sombody have any ideas of what I can doto
excape this, taking my cat (wewu) but wont
get my dog(zeus) taken away from my dad?
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wannababy25
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Jan 2006 Posts: 262 Location: Near Ottawa, ON
Posted: 02-12-06 18:12pm
Why not make an anonymous call to the
police and see what advice they can give
you. This way you can make a truly
informed decision. You could also talk to
a guidance counsellor at your school.
Tell them that you have a friend in this
situation and ask what 'she' could do to
get out of it. You absolutely can't stay
in this situation if you end up pregnant.
Honestly though...You should really
re-think the idea of having a baby. You
have so much of your life yet to live.
Everything changes when you have a baby.
You can't just up and go when you want.
The last thing you need is to become
pregnant in your current situation. The
stress of pregnancy alone is sometimes too
much and the chances of miscarriage are
very high when you are stressed.
Also...What about the cost? All the
furniture, clothes, baby essentials
(diapers, wipes, soother, cloths,
blankets, car seat, stroller and it goes
on and on....). I really hope you wait
until highschool is over and you know
where you are going in life. I understand
how having a baby can be very
appealing...But the reality is it can be a
very draining and scary experience if
you're not ready for it. How strong is
your relationship with your bf...Do think
it's strong enough to handle your mood
swings during pregnancy? Do you think
he's ready to handle the stress of
becoming a father? Anyhow...I don't want
to sound like a nagging mommy. I just
hope you've really done your homework on
this one. It's one of the biggest
decisions you can make in life. I truly
hope that you find the help you need to
get out of the situation you're in too.
I've been there and I know first hand that
sometimes 'tough love' is the only way to
go. If he ends up arrested he may learn a
very valuable lesson that will help keep
his future girlfriends and their pets out
of the situation that you're in. As for
your dad's dog...The police wouldn't take
the dog away unless you tell them about
your cat and ask them to call the humane
society. I hope this helps. Please let
me know how everything goes. :)
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oh_mommy
Supporter
Joined: 04 Sep 2005 Posts: 3730 Location: vancouver island, bc canada
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Posted: 02-12-06 18:33pm
As for the baby part, im not trying to get
pregnant but not trying to avoid it
either. Me and my boyfriend have thought
about it for months and we came to the
decision if it happens it happens. And im
pretty sure he is ready for all my mood
swings and everything else that comes
along with having a baby. We've talked
about it time after time. And hes a very
caring and loving person. His dad got
some lady pregnant and she ran off on him
and didnt tell him where she went. His
dad is upset about this cause he has a
baby somewhere but he knows nothing about
it and shawn(my bf) says he really couldnt
handle the fact knowing you have a kid
somewhere out there. He's a good guy. We
are planning on getting engaged this
summer. Im so excited:) my family loves
him too. And the way my grandma acts
around him it makes it sounds like shes
dropping hints that she wants him to ask
me. She keeps saying to him when im not
around "yeah when I was just abit older
then sarah I was married, and a year after
that I was having my first baby" so yeah
we are pretty sure that shes dropping
hints. Once I threw up in the morning at
the bank three times and my grandpa asked
if I had morning sickness :shock: I was
kinda mad at that since I wasnt pregnant
and I had my period at the time to. I
mean even if I was I prob would have said
no because shawn wasnt there. And we plan
on telling everybody togeather so they can
tell our relationship wont change.
Anyways.My boyfriend is coming over soon
after he is done driving around with his
step dad so I should go get changed.
Thats for all the help wannababy25... Do
you like the number 25 or was that just
random? Thats my fav number! Cause my
bday is on the 25th of feb:)
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wannababy25
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Jan 2006 Posts: 262 Location: Near Ottawa, ON
Posted: 02-12-06 20:36pm
Yeah...25 because i'm 25 and my b-day is
on the 25th of oct. Glad to hear that the
relationship is a solid one...But being
preggo and raising a baby around your
brother wouldn't be a good idea. Are you
going to try calling the cops for advice?
Or speak w/ a counsellor at school? I
hope you do. One thing I thought i'd
mention...I know you don't want your
brother arrested and I can relate to
that...But what about you? What your
brother would go through being arrested
pales in comparison to what he's doing to
you regularly by the sounds of it. Let me
know if you find a solution or if you do
speak w/ police or counsellor.
Take care...Keep smiling! :)
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oh_mommy
Supporter
Joined: 04 Sep 2005 Posts: 3730 Location: vancouver island, bc canada
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Posted: 02-13-06 01:59am
No I dont get hit on a regualer baises
just. I use to when I was young by him.
He only yells and screams at me now. The
last time b4 yesterday that he hit me was
like in summer. I know he really dosnt
want to hit me when shawns around. I
noticed when he did hit me and shawn was
there that shawn was having a hard time
resisting hitting eric back considering he
had his hand in a fist and was looking
down. He really is against hitting women,
even if it is a sister.
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oh_mommy
Supporter
Joined: 04 Sep 2005 Posts: 3730 Location: vancouver island, bc canada
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Update.. Posted: 02-19-06 02:06am
Last night I came home from being out all
day and I wasnt even home for about 5
minutes when my brother throws my cat in
my room and he hit the wall and landed on
his head. I then called my bf and told
him what happend so then my friend mike
comes up here and piks me and the cat/his
stuff up and I left threw my back door..
I left a note to my dad saying I cant take
erics caca anymore and that I went to a
friends house and I have my phone with me
if he needs me. Well apparently nobody
even noticed I wasnt there last night so
im kinda offended about that.I also was
talking to my mom yesterday and told her
how I cant stand eric anymore, I only
brought this up because she said she is
going to start looking for a new
appartment with adeck so I told her to get
a two bedroom so I can stay with her but
she ignored me..
Well it's good that your out, that was a
first step...Now I would try and stay out
of that house. Do whatever you can. Keep
staying with your friend or boyfriend. I
wish you luck girl! And because you live
in canada you should be legally able to
move out on your own when your 16.
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yellow ribbon
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2005 Posts: 5554 Location: FL
Posted: 02-19-06 12:16pm
Ok um hello?! Anger managment ne one? If
it was your bf/ husband hitting u no
matter how occasional it was ud leav
right? He needs to b taken care of screw
what your family thinks its for his own
good u call the cops and get him help
animal cruelty and women abuse (exactly
what this is) are signs of serious
nerological issues and are often found in
serial killers! And I no your thinkin its
my brother he wouldnt kill ne one but how
many of the families of murderers thoguht
hey I bet hell kill someone? Um none
probably your family is in denial and your
brother is a psycho! Call the freakin
cops! And your poor kitty it cant defend
itself save it. I dont see y having your
brother taken away would affect your dog
either if your brothers the problem and
they take him away that no more harm for
the doggy and hed stay there.
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AlliE_18
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Dec 2005 Posts: 2129 Location: uk
Posted: 02-19-06 15:32pm
Yeah like kimmeh said, do whatever you can
to stay away from there, stay with friends
or your boyfriend if possible. Keep
yourself safe and your cat too lol. Your
mum sounds like she needs a kick up her
arse.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Oh Mommy Posted: 02-19-06 16:40pm
You are doing the right thing, stay away
from your brother, I realize that you love
him but he has some serious issues! You
know that you cannot help him, he needs
professional help, your dad loves him to
but just by saying to ignore him does not
help the situation. I too am an animal
lover and your cat does not deserve this.
I agree with the others about your mom,
she does need a swift kick in the arse,
she is the one that should be helping you,
or your dad.
The very last thing you need right now is
a baby, even though it is your choice,
you need to get your life together, get a
part time job, finish high school, do
college if you wish, get something going
for yourself in case things do not work
out for you and you b/f or husband or
whatever he is at the time, as no one
knows what tomorrow will bring to us.
You might think of getting a restraining
order abainst your brother so that he will
not hurt you or your kitten anymore.
Whatever happens, I wish you the best and
I am sorry that you had to go through all
of that. Please let us know how you are
doing!
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Lalee
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jan 2006 Posts: 991 Location: South Carolina
Posted: 02-19-06 21:55pm
A very good friend of mine took the ged
when he was your age so he could graduate
and go to college and get out of his
home... For somewhat the same reasons,
but it had to do with his dad. Anyway,
maybe you could consider that?
If you absolutely have no friends or
family or anyone to take you in, you
should seriously consider contacting the
police. I know you worry about your
family getting mad at you for it... You
remind me so much of my brother in that
way... But you have to realize that there
comes a time when you have to think of you
- not your family or your brother or your
dad or mom or even your boyfriend. This
is about your safety and happiness, not
someone else's. He seriously has a
problem, and he needs help. But you need
to get yourself out of that potentially
dangerous situation.
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oh_mommy
Supporter
Joined: 04 Sep 2005 Posts: 3730 Location: vancouver island, bc canada
Thanks: 5
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Posted: 02-20-06 01:48am
Yeah.. I got a part time job now so it
should help out abit.. My boyfriends
friend lance and his brother are moving
into a 3 room duoplex and offerd shawn to
move in there once he gets a job and shawn
is considering it and taking me with him
and we could share the room. I would be
fine with that..
I know I am legally able to move out at
16, but cant my parents take me back home
if they dont want me moved out, cant they
say I cant offord being on my own?
