Depression Forum - Weird Nokia N-gage Problem

Hi my name is igr and I have a weird problem. Lately I am obsessed with the burning desire to own a new nokia n-gage silver edition. And somehow I can’t stop thinking about it. I bother all of my friends and my girlfriend every day talking about the phone. I can’t think of anything else but the stupid game console. Sometimes I don’t sleep the whole night because of it. I’ve lost interest in everything else…

of coarse one could ask:
why don’t you simply buy it?

But it is not so simple. Three years ago I was working I the usa for three months. Before my return in macedonia I had 5000 dollars. I wanted to buy the original n-gage in the us but in the end decided not to, because I could do it back home also. Two days after my return a friend (14 years old friendship) ask me to borrow him all the money I have. I did not suspect anything so I give him all the money. And that was the last time I saw the money. I had a hard year after that. I was listening to the last year of my faculty. So I was pushing my self with the idea of what it would be after I graduate.
So eventually I deed. I become a doctor, two years after my return from america. Now I am in the army (it is obligatory) and I live my life with 50$ per month army pay. Average doctor’s pay in my country is 230-240 euro, if I manage to find a job, because of the 42 percent unemployment rate in my country. So for three years I am promising my self the game console. And now I am positive that I will newer and I mean newer have the pleasure of having a brand new gaming console.

So, to summarize, today n-gage stands for years passed learning, hungry student days, warred-out clothes…
and as you see is not the game console it self the problem. It’s the symbolism that connects it to my life…

even if I do buy it one day I will probably have to brake up with my girlfriend (“there are more important things in life” “you have 26 years” “ you act as a child”) and put up with my friend’s word of advice. I feel that I am committing a crime because I want to treat my self with a small piece of pleasure. And I am not a bad guy. I am trying hard. I work as hard as I could. And it really hurt’s me that I could not hope to have a little “out of the reason” fun in my life. Not now, not ever. And what is life for if you could not enjoy it. Right?!
And that is why n-gage is the reason for my depression….

ps if I deed hurt someone’s feelings, because I understand that there are some people that have even more severe problems in life than I do, I am truly sorry.

Note: while I was writing the text i’ve came up with a interesting fact. A one-year vacation in macedonia will take around 6000 dollars. Macedonian people are quite friendly. Many of them understand english (mostly younger people). So perhaps someone will like the idea to spend some time in our country. Many american soldiers find the love of their life hire in macedonia.
Anyway, just a suggestion…