Pregnancy Forum - Scared Need to Get It Off My Chest

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Q: Scared Need to Get It Off My Chest

asked by: tigresacanela24 on February 15th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

Okay. I know i've got a ways to go yet (i'm 25 weeks) but I am deathly frightened of having a baby. Not the labor part. Pain doesn't scare me, i've been through so much in life that the idea of labor doesn't faze me at all. What scares me is actually being a mom. Being responsible for a tiny, helpless, little person and being responsible for him for the next 18 years or more not only financially but physically, spiritually and emotionally. That's a scary thing. I'm frightened of the commitment level involved. What if i'm some kind of abnormal freak and I don't bond with my baby? I have issues with depression what if I slip into a serious post partum and don't bond with my baby? What if i'm not a good mother? I've raised spoiled dogs, what if I raise a spoiled child? I've taken care of a lot of relatives children but that is sooo different. They go back to someone else. They're not mine. I'm not responsible for them 24/7. What if I can't afford the things I want for my child like a private education and vacations every year to someplace really cool? What if I don't get to spend as much time with him as i'd like? I already know that I won't even be able to spend the first six weeks with him because I haven't been with my company a full year yet so I only get a 4 week leave of absence. Is anyone else this scared or was anyone else this scared with their first? Is it normal or am I just going psycho? How did you deal with the lack of sleep and the lack of "me" time? I hate this, I hope it's just hormones. Sorry so long...

Replies(18)

diamondsz

replied on February 15th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

Tigres, I know this is weird but you manage as for lack of sleep you sleep when baby sleeps during the day unless u have other kids then ur limited as to when u can. I think we all have this feeling when were preggo I even had it this time around (how I would manage with two) its bloody hard and elisa really tries my patience but im doing it!! I know for first time moms before u leave the hospital they will show you how to bathe, dress feed your child and will evem stand right beside you for comfort so if they offer other little bonuses take them.

Good luck!

mia7

replied on February 15th, 2006

Experienced User

Check out the early childhood classes. I am going to get more info about it and go to them. I am very worried too, and even though I wonder somtimes how I am going to do it, I just take a deep breath and tell myself that I will be able to.

If you say you have gone through so much, than you can handle this. It's your own child and I think all mothers have that special kind of love for their children.

I am scared of what to do if he gets sick or he gets fussy and I don't know why this is. Just not being able to know and figure out things, but I will try my best. This is one of the reasons why I want to take these classes, I just want someone to show me how to handle some things and maybe calm me down a bit.

It's natural to worry, you are a mother now. Don't worry about going to some place cool, it will be a few years before your child will even remember into their adulthood where they went for a vacation. I think you will be a pro by then.

Sammy001

replied on February 15th, 2006

Active User, very eHealthy

Re: Scared Need to Get It Off My Chest

tigresacanela24 wrote:

okay. I know i've got a ways to go yet (i'm 25 weeks) but I am deathly frightened of having a baby. Not the labor part. Pain doesn't scare me, i've been through so much in life that the idea of labor doesn't faze me at all. What scares me is actually being a mom. Being responsible for a tiny, helpless, little person and being responsible for him for the next 18 years or more not only financially but physically, spiritually and emotionally. That's a d@mn scary thing. I'm frightened of the commitment level involved. What if i'm some kind of abnormal freak and I don't bond with my baby? I have issues with depression what if I slip into a serious post partum and don't bond with my baby? What if i'm not a good mother? I've raised spoiled dogs, what if I raise a spoiled child? I've taken care of a lot of relatives children but that is sooo different. They go back to someone else. They're not mine. I'm not responsible for them 24/7. What if I can't afford the things I want for my child like a private education and vacations every year to someplace really cool? What if I don't get to spend as much time with him as i'd like? I already know that I won't even be able to spend the first six weeks with him because I haven't been with my company a full year yet so I only get a 4 week leave of absence. Is anyone else this scared or was anyone else this scared with their first? Is it normal or am I just going psycho? How did you deal with the lack of sleep and the lack of "me" time? I hate this, I hope it's just hormones. Sorry so long...

is that comany policy? (being only granted 4 weeks?) in canada you get a full year if you want to take it, no matter how long your worked at your job. Thats retarded. You need a minimum of 900 insurable hours to get your unemployment benefits. Thats it! So if you work a 40 hour week, multiply it by 4= 160 a month, it wouldn't take very many months, to accumulate that.

Like I said, I don't know what the states do...But i'd check into that forsure.

tigresacanela24

replied on February 16th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

In the states we have fmla, that gives you 12 weeks if you worked for 1250 hours and have been with your company for 1 year. If you don't meet those two qualifications (which I will not by the time the baby is born) then you don't qualify for fmla. I will get a 4 week leave of absence (that will use all of my personal and vacation time) and no additional time. I don't know what i'm going to do because the daycares will not accept an infant less than six weeks old and that leaves me with a two week gap to fill and I have no sitter.

Sunflower_pie81

replied on February 16th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

I am not sure about the law in pa however in fl and most other states you get 6-8 weeks to recover from your delivery. 4 weeks isn't enough for your body to heal. I work in insurance and most doctors in the states that I pay will not release the insured to rtw until 6 weeks is completed for vag delivery. You need to check with your hr department and make sure that you are able to take off that long. There is a thing we call normal recovery period (nrp) and 6 weeks at the least. I know you may only get paid for 4 weeks but you should be able to take six weeks if you have a dr's note. Get your dr to take you out fo rthat long...It's better on you and the little skoot.

tigresacanela24

replied on February 16th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

Thanks sunflower!!! You've just taken a major burden off of my mind. If I can take off that extra two weeks I think i'll send you a big appreciation present!!!! :lol: i'll check w/hr on tuesday...

Sunflower_pie81

replied on February 16th, 2006

Extremely eHealthy

I am glad to help...A lot of people dont' understand that they get 6-8 weeks of recovery...You may only get paid for 4 weeks but you can take the other 2 off to recover. Most daycares wont' accept a baby before 6 weeks anyway. Please let me know how things work out for you.

Genipher

tigresacanela24

replied on February 17th, 2006

Especially eHealthy

As soon as I talk to hr, i'll let you know.

Lalee

replied on February 17th, 2006

Active User, very eHealthy

Sometimes I worry, too, that I won't know what the heck i'm doing.

And I honestly don't mean this toward any of you, but... Then I think about some of the moronic people I know who have healthy, happy children, and I think, "if they can do it, I sure as heck can!" lol

bella09