Last edited by luv777 on 06-26-06 03:50am; edited 2 times in total
|
melanie j
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Apr 2006 Posts: 2 Location: south wales united kingdom
Posted: 04-13-06 14:39pm
Unfortunately I am unable to answer your
question as I am going through an almost
identical situation, except my 'boyfriend'
can ignore me for up to 6 weeks at a time.
He is also extremely jealous, but of past
relationships that took place long before
I knew him. He is as yet, not been
diagnosed, but there is no doubt in my
mind that he is bipolar. I feel so alone
,and if I didnt love him so much, I would
run a mile! Advice anyone please? :(
|
DSmith529
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Oct 2005 Posts: 59
Posted: 04-15-06 13:50pm
Quote:
he keeps on
insisting that i'm different from other
girls/people because I never moan, put any
pressure on him, never judges/misjudges
him or get angry when he looses control.
how long before you are no longer
different, or complain, or put pressure on
him, and blow your perfect judgment of him
and the situation?
What happens when you are no longer
perfect? I would ask the other
ex-girlfriend's and not filter it through
his, "but you more special than they are!"
filter.
Www.Heartless-b*tches.Com replace the *
with an i.
Go to the "125 red flags" and the
"manipulator files". All of us do some
of those things, sometimes. How many
does he do? How many is too many?
Only you can decide.
But I am here to tell you, you are not
perfect and will not always get it
"right". Be prepared for the blow-up
when you become human and screw up, make a
mistake, are tired and testy and not
infinitely patient.
Oh, and you should delve into your psyche
too. I would recommend reading up on
the "drama triangle". Www.Angriesout.Com
has it.
|
melanie j
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Apr 2006 Posts: 2 Location: south wales united kingdom
Reply to Dsmith529 Posted: 04-20-06 08:02am
As much as I am loathe to admit it I think
you are absolutely right. I have read
through all the postings regarding
bipolar, have found out all I can, and
shared the information with my now ex.
He made all the right noises but I know
without a shadow of a doubt that he will
do nothing about it as long as there
others like me around to excuse his
behaviour. I can only try to understand
how he feels (having suffered with
clinical depression for years I believe I
have some idea), but I can definitely tell
you how it effects me. It is horrendous,
miserable, crucifying to give 100% and get
virtually nothing back in return. You
need to do a lot more than love him, you
need to have an enormous self-esteem at
the very least! That does not apply to
me. I am finding it very hard to stop
contact with him etc. But I know it is
the right thing to do for me and my
daughter. I need to thank everyone who
uses this forum without whom I would
probably have still been struggling to
make a decision this time next year. You
cant save anyone except yourself! It is
going to take a very long time to get over
this relationship but I am determined to
do so. P.S. Been to heartlessb*tches.Com
and I havent stopped laughing since. I
have huge admiration for all those women
and am striving hard to one day become 1.
Thanks and good luck to you all.X
|
spicolli
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jun 2006 Posts: 3
Posted: 06-07-06 08:34am
Alot of what you said makes alot of sense
to me. However im on the other end of it.
My ex gf had mentioned I should see a
doctor a few times over our time together.
Not that she thought anything was as
serioues as it turned out to be. Around
the time she broke up with me I thought I
was just having a bad month. Needed to
work on myself but I didnt know how. I
thought my relationship was the reason I
was so unhappy. I now know I was
experiencing a episode of mania. Or a
mixed state of mania & manic. (as
thats normally what my episodes consist
of.) we spent 2 months trying to work
things out. The first half of our
relationship was pure amazement the couple
everyone in the world would be jeloues of.
She couldnt work pass her reservations.
It's not how she wanted things to be. But
the scars where to deep. It was offically
over. She told me alot of things she'd
kept botteled up inside. Similar to so
much of what you just said. A month after
the offical brake up I got dignosed with
adhd & bipolar.
It took that first brake up for me to
start showing my love for her again, it
took that for me to even relize to myself
how true my feelings where for this girl.
I still love her with all my heart. We
havnt spoken for about a month now. It
upsets me to see a large amount of people
posting on these forums are women
concerned for there loved ones that wont
do anything to help themselves while i'm
doing every single thing I can.
To fix my broken relationship.
My advice is.
High chance of not wanting to get to
involved. I've had 1 normal teen brake
up. Which caused probelms for 3 years.
My most recent
is still unbareable on the best of days.
I am medicated now. If I wasn't I really
don't know where I would be. I have serve
probelms with the emotions that are
involed with a relationship. He could
feel the same.
If he hasn't seen a doctor. Or is getting
medication or other forms of treatment.
He needs to. For some it may not be that
simple. You may
need to brake his trust speak to his
parents. Set a serioues intervention.
Express your concerns yourself to a
doctor. I'm helping a close friend do the
same for her ex-bf. After it became very
obvious he was suffering from something
alot more serioues then I was.
Sit and talk with him. Express your real
feelings & concerns.
I think this would be best to do after his
getting treatment.
Otherwise he might just trigger something.
The same way it would of to me. I can
not say weather it is love or lust or what
it is. I really don't think he is using
you. Though if you have sex only during
episodes of mania. That is definatly
lust. Personally the sex drive is un
controllable.
Sorry to get so personal haha. But it
messed up alot of stuff in my passed
relationship. It is to the point. That I
went back onto an anti depressent just to
mute my sexual drive. While working
through more serioues issues before you
get to the tail ends which is things like
controlling that sexual energy in a more
posative manner.
He may just think of you as a friend. Or
he may love you deep down.
I don't think you will get the correct
ansewer unless his getting professional
care. If you where to find out then that
he wasn't in love with you. It would b
hard to distance yourself and walk away.
But then you will know atleast. But I beg
of you help him get the right treatment.
What if what if. But I wish my ex tryed
harder to get me to see someone. I have
no doubt how happy we'd be right now.
Sorry if theres spelling or grammer
errors. So late couldnt be bothered
proofing.
X
hope this helps
|
DSmith529
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Oct 2005 Posts: 59
a Thought Posted: 06-07-06 12:05pm
Luv777, if you wouldn't trust your money
with someone, why are you trusting your
heart (and other body parts)?
Spicolli, bravo for you doing all this
hard work now that you have a diagnosis.
I hope you find much happiness within
your life, whether or not that involves an
intimate companion (i would prefer you
find one, but life doesn't always work
that way).
|
Bucourt127
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jun 2006 Posts: 2 Location: North Carolina
Posted: 06-18-06 08:31am
Just because us bipolar are more sexually
amped and more dependant
does not mean to let us walk over you!!
I am very affectionate with my husband,
even off my meds. I love him so I always
want him to feel pleasure as much as me.
What you are doing is letting this guy
think that his behavior is "okay", when
it's not. Being diagnosed with bipolar is
not an excuse to be a total jerk and treat
everyone like crap!
