Please Help Me...im Losing Him Posted: 02-16-06 07:17am
Hi, I am a 17 year old who is in a long
term relationship for 2 years. The past
year or so I have hit him but not near as
hard as he hits me back...He hits me like
I am a man. I do not know what to do. He
is always telling me its over when he
isn't even serious, he tells me he's
droppin out of school, done with
everything he's doing. Why must he say
all of this when its not even my fault?
Well, today he flipped out on me because I
wouldn't let him use my headphones. And
then caca went down from there...He
started to shuve me back down on the
couch...He told me and promised me awhile
back that he'd never hurt me in
anyway...And he's broke that and I myself
is really hurt to top off how my day b4
v-day and my b-day was...He ruined em both
by health forum and whining...Please help
me figure out what I should do....
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Crazyness24
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jan 2006 Posts: 179 Location: Jersey
Posted: 02-16-06 10:07am
You need to leave him im not joking! Your
dumb if you stay with a man that does that
to you! Your so young and have so much to
leanr about men......
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Greeneyes23
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Feb 2006 Posts: 34
Posted: 02-16-06 11:32am
What he is doing is wrong and if you don't
get out now you might never get out. You
can't go on living like this. It's not
right. It might be hard to leave and you
might not be very happy for a while, but
after that your life will improve so much
and you will be glad you did it when you
did.
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penelope67
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jan 2006 Posts: 114 Location: NH
Posted: 02-16-06 11:50am
Oh please dont ever ever stay with a man
that would ever ever even think of hitting
you. Everyone is right-you have a lot to
learn about men and you will be happier so
much happier in the long run if you just
let him go. Do you want to be scared your
whole life? No love is worth that. Love
should make you feel safe and secure, not
like that. There are lots of men out
there that can make you feel like he does
when he makes you feel good, and most of
them dont hit. Run away. Please
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xConfusedx
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Nov 2004 Posts: 32 Location: Michigan
Just Replying to Ya L Posted: 02-16-06 12:14pm
Well, I know I should not stay with
him....In a way it is my fault kuz I get
so angry and I end up taking it out on
him. But see he knows how I get and knows
he should just back off but instead he
likes to make the matters worse and not
let it calm down. But see if I do even
hit him its not hard enough to even hurt
him at all. I cant make it hurt kuz then
I know i;d feel horrible but when he hits
me back he makes it really hurt....And I
mean really hurt I can normally hold back
alot of pain but when he hits me I just
cant help but drop to the floor and cry my
eyes out. He never tells me sorry or
nothing. He just goes on with his day
like nothing had happened. I try to kinda
bring it up like I said to him today "
gee, now I gotta limp every where I go,
thanks a bunch" and he just seems to kinda
laugh it off. I really love this man. I
know all of this hitting wouldn't happen
if he didnt get so angry over stupid
stuff.
I have one
more thing, this one is probably my fault
all the way...But about a year ago...My
boyfriend moved like 1hr 1.2 away from me
and we were only seeing each other on the
weekends. I was feeling kind of lonely
during the week so I was looking for
anyone girl/guy friends ya know...To make
me a bit more happy. I had ran into a guy
named josh in my art class...He had been
hitting on me and it went on for about 2
wks and then he started to talk about
wanting sum of "this" other words sum sex
and he would make it sound so special and
blah blah....And he was a hottie I gots to
admit, I had started to feel sexually
atteracted to me. I would talk to my bf
online and i'd bring him up and tell him
wut he did and he would get angry/furious
with me because some other guy had made me
smile or is getting my attention.....But I
had a letter written to my friend shy and
he had found it when we was argueing and
I had told her ya know I was thinking
about wut "josh" said to me in art and
blah blah and told her I thought about it
but not like action thoughts just like "i
wonder wut it would b like...Since my bf
is been the only one...." and that was a
year ago....I have met a new "guy"
friend...His name is mike and he's black (
not that it matters) and we have been
talking like everyday during my classes or
during lunch break. He tells me new
things or introduces me to new things that
I didn't know about or something. I may
come home and tell anthony wut it was...Or
we skip the last 5-10 mins of class if we
can get out of class because we are bored
and hate it very much so we skip class
together (like friends would....) and we
just walk around and talk. But then again
I for some reason feel that mike is tryin
to "connect" with me but I dont feel
it....Kuz like I was taking sumthin back
from him and he had kinda held my hand for
a min and then let go....What would you
think about that...? But I just dont get
why he thinks he cant trust me.......I
explained it all to him....He acts like I
was and did medical question this josh kid
when I never did and wasn't even going too
at all......I swear I gots a messed up
relationship....I think he is kinda
controlling kuz I can only go sumwhere if
he has sumwhere to go or he gets mad when
I wanna chill wit my friends....Pleae help
me out!
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Kgirl16
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Nov 2005 Posts: 133 Location: Canada
Posted: 02-16-06 12:46pm
Girls be mature! I'm tired of people
jumping on victims and telling them
they're stupid for staying when you have
no clue about the situation. I was with a
boyfriend for a year and a half and one
day he hit me as hard as he could. I did
not leave but sorry, I do know a hell of a
lot about men though i'm young, and i'm a
very strong person.
But confused don't blame yourself you did
nothing wrong and it is his fault. The
only way is to realize that he is being
abusive, and it needs to be stopped. Try
again to talk to him, if it continues,
then carry on. Always think about
yourself first, no matter how much you
love someone, because you are all you have
in the end. Don't be scared of change
because it's been a long time, just pull
up and know that many have been in your
situation and it's okay and it isn't your
fault. Be strong.
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cortney jones
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Feb 2006 Posts: 52 Location: Ft.Lauderdale, florida
Posted: 02-16-06 17:46pm
I can understand where you are coming from
you've been with him a long time thats
you're heart right there you love him and
thats that but what you need to need to
think about is if you r provoking him or
you may need to know that if he is angry
about something you may want to back off
until he chill out because you dont want
to say something he may not like which
will make him strike so just try to be
extra sensitive to him if he is n a bad
mood and dont pick arguements which ladies
we all do it if he is wrong let him think
he is right at least you know he is wrong
when he becomes a man and start to see the
things he do to you are wrong your
relationship will be better but you cant
change him let him find his self.
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penelope67
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jan 2006 Posts: 114 Location: NH
Posted: 02-20-06 14:56pm
I agree, you are not stupid for staying
with this guy, but it is definitely not in
your best interest. I dont care how many
other certain circumstances there are
surrounding this issue. You need to
leave. Do not practice self doubt by
thinking it is all your fault. It is his
fault. He is abusive. He needs help, and
you need to take some time off with this
guy. Permanently. I am not a judgemental
person at all. Im not trying to judge
either of you. It just makes me really
upset when there are better people than me
out there with boyfriends that make mine
look like a saint. What I am saying is
that you deserve and can get much better.
If you really like this guy and cannot
leave, then dont hit him anymore. After
showing him that you wont hit him, but he
hits you again tell him one more time and
you are gone, no joking. And follow
through or he will never take you
seriously and never respect you. I fight
to gain my boyfriends trust all the time,
because he has been burned in the past,
but its nothing I have done. I have
learned over the past three years of being
with him that trust and respect are very
important things and are very crucial to
making you a generally happy person. Be
independent. Dont get attatched. Know
that you can make it on your own. Figure
a plan. Dont waste your life on sadness.
