I have been dating a girl for a little
over 3 and a half months now and we get
along great. I know this may sound
strange, but me (a guy!!!) can't get her
(a girl!!!!) to open up to me. 3.5
months may seem like a realatively short
time to have a meaningful relationship,
but we have not spent a day apart since
november. We both really enjoy
eachothers company and I am honestly in
love with her. I know that she either
doesn't feel the same way or has trouble
saying it. Aside from this, I don't feel
that we have a 50:50 relationship. I am
sooo considerate of her feelings and
emotions, but she isn't very considerate
about mine. I love her so much, but it
just doesn't seem right to love someone
who can't return my openness. I know I
can't make her love me any sooner, and I
don't want to rush it, but I would at
least like her to tell me how she feels
about things sometimes. Whenever I try
to bring this to her attention I do so in
a very gentle caring way. Somehow, I end
up looking like the bad guy. Is it wrong
that I love her so much that I would
rather deal with her distance than to
cause trouble that might cause a breakup?
How should I approach her with this,
because obviously I am doing it in the
wrong manner. It would make me the
happiest man in the world for her to
return my feelings or open up a little
bit. I have met her parents and they
seem like very distant people too. They
actually seem so distant that they are
cold. I think she has trouble with this
because of how she was raised. How might
I go about teaching her how to love and
care for someone and to reciprocate in a
relationship? Some help would be much
appriciated. Thanks!!
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 02-27-06 16:06pm
Tell her this:"i don't know why you choose
to act this way towards me,i just want you
to show me how you care for me instead of
hold it back."if she refuses,tell her
this:"this problem may cause us to break
up even though I don't want it to
happen.What good will it do for you to act
like this? B/c every man you could be
with after me will result in the same
thing,breaking up.People need to be shown
affection and caring.Please show me how
you feel,tell me how you fell. . ." I
don't know if this will help but if she
does not open up to you it could cause a
break up. . .
|
subjekt31
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Feb 2006 Posts: 5
Thanks Melissa Posted: 02-28-06 01:33am
Thank you for your reply, being that it is
the only one!!! I am so frustrated with
this! She just left here about 5 mins ago
and we just had the same conversation....
Again. I have already mentioned the same
things you have said. It just doesn't
seem to work for her. I ask her how she
feels about me... She acts like she is
psyching her self up to tell be something,
then she says " I care about you", which
is something she has said before and
something I tell her all the time. Its
nothing new! If she truly doesn't love
me, I understand... It takes some people
longer to care that much about someone.
But if you could see the way she holds me,
and the way she looks into my eyes... And
the way she sighs when she is holding me
like I am protecting her or somehting....
It can't be anything but love! I don't
know how I can care so much about someone
who is so emotionally different than me.
She rarely has an opinion on anything
emotional or important. I really do
think she cares about me on some deeper
level and simply can't say it. I
think...No... I know that she is in love
with me. I just wish she could open up
to me. As stupid as it may sound I have
cried about it before because it is so
frusturating, and it hurts so much to tell
someone how you feel and not have them
respond. I have not cried in years....
She has me crying!!! I think girls would
be best responding to this post because
they know how other girls work.... So
please help me. I am in pain every
second I am awake thinking about this.
Simple answers will not due, as we are
talking about a very complicated girl
here, who I love very much. Thanks
again!
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 02-28-06 10:14am
Ok,i need to know exactly what you said to
her and exactly what she said back to help
you out
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subjekt31
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Feb 2006 Posts: 5
Posted: 02-28-06 23:39pm
I don't remember exactly what I said to
her, but it primarily involved how I am
such an open and emotionally expressive
person, and how much it would mean to me
if she were the same way. She replied by
saying that it is hard for her because she
has never been that way. It isn"t hard
for her to have feelings for me, it is
just hard for her to express it. I asked
her if she could ever see herself being
more like me because I need to know that
she will someday be emotionally level with
me. She said that she thinks she could
be that way someday, but she doesn't think
it will be anytime soon becasue it is so
difficult for her to express herself
emotionally. She says that when I ask
her something very important she simply
draws a blank. I told her that I think
she may be this way because she is afraid
of how I might react to her response. I
also told her that nothing she could say
would make me feel any different about
her.... I can never think any less of
her. I wanted to tell her that I would
still love her just as much, but obviously
she is not ready to hear that. She is,
without a doubt, the best thing that has
ever happened to me and she is the reason
I get out of bed in the morning now. I
would love for her to feel how I feel
wheni tell her very deep and intimate
things. It is the best feeling in the
world to be able to tell someone I love
very deep emotional things about myself
and not be embaressed or so alone. It is
the best thing ever to have that kind of
connection with someone.... I just wish
it weren't so one sided. It would meant
the world to me to have her say "i love
you", but for now I would simply settle
for something less intense, but equally
emotional. What should I do to break
down this wall in her heart???
|
Lalee
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jan 2006 Posts: 991 Location: South Carolina
Posted: 03-01-06 00:59am
I can kind of see where she's coming from.
I have always been a sort of shy and
withdrawn person, and I know how hard it
is to come out of that. I wasn't to the
point where I wouldn't tell someone I love
them, but I wasn't very good at expressing
myself.
Let me just say that you probably should
not be trying to pressure her to get to
your "emotional level." that's not fair.
That's obviously a long way for her to go,
and you're likely to push her farther away
if you try too hard to drag things out of
her.
Second, you can't force her to tell you
she loves you. Just keep saying it to
her; ask her if she loves you, even. But
don't try to make her do it. She's only
going to end up resenting you for that.
Third, you .H.A.V.E to continue to tell
her that you will love and support her no
matter what and that she shouldn't be
afraid or embarrassed to say anything she
feels. Tell her that all you want to do
is make her happy and that you can't do
that if she doesn't tell you what makes
her happy. Tell her how much it hurts you
that she doesn't open up to you... But
tell her that you love her anyway and that
you just want to know that your feelings
are being reciprocated.
Lastly, above all, no matter what she says
to you, even if it's not what you were
hoping for, you .M.U.S.T be receptive and
positive. If not, she might never open up
to you.
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subjekt31
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Feb 2006 Posts: 5
Thanks Lalee Posted: 03-02-06 23:30pm
Thank you soooo much lalee. I have not
told her any of this yet, but it seems
that you know how my girlfriend feels as
well as how I feel. I have yet to tell
her any of this, but I plan to. I was
never pressuring her, and I made sure that
she understood that. I was only trying to
help her... Slowly. I respect her
"problem" and can wait as long as she
needs. I have not told her that I loved
her.... At least in those words...
Becasue she says that she is not "there"
yet. I am not sure if it is the best
idea for me to say it and not have her say
it back. As comfortable as we are
together, I think it would make a really
awkward conversation and probably make her
feel like she has to say it. It might
even upset me more and just stress her
out.... I think I will hold off until she
tells me that she loves me, or clearly
implies that she is ready. I just wish
she would hurry!! I don't know if she
knows how wonderful it is to feel for
someone like I feel for her. It is the
most amazing thing ever. I wake every
morning just to see her. She has made my
life so much better, and she has taught me
so many lessons and she didn't even mean
to. Since I met her, I have learned not
to value the material things in life,
money and such, but to enjoy the things
that are really important.... Like the
ones you love. It was a wide person that
said
"the greatest thing you'll ever learn is
to love and be loved in
return"..............
Love doesn't make the world go round....
Love just makes the ride worthwhile!
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