My boyfriend has been battling anxiety for
about 9 years now. At first it was
horrible. He couldn't work, drive, Stay
home alone. He was having panic attacks
all of the time. He hated to be in public,
even getting him to go to the doctors was
a task. We have 2 children, so he finally
pushed himself to fight this illness. He
does work now, but still will not stay
home alone. He tells me that untill
someone experiences it themselves, noone
can understand the illness. I get so angry
at him sometimes, thinking this illness is
"selective",but I know now that it is
real.
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coffeelover
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jun 2008 Posts: 6
Afraid of Being Alone Posted: 06-28-08 06:21am
I'm 29 and have a fear of being alone
often termed Separation Anxiety.
Interestingly, when someone's home, I
don't feel the need to be by their side.
In fact, I somewhat enjoy solitary
activities such as writing, reading,
cooking, meditating, but that's only when
someone else is present in the house.
However, I have been dealing with this for
about four years, most prominently in the
past three. Like the ladies who have
posted before me, my fear of being alone
happened shortly after getting married.
Through therapy, I have discovered it is
because of separation anxiety early on in
childhood, separation or lack of being
able to depend (either physically or
emotionally) on parents and/or siblings
(of course the reason for your anxiety may
be different).
An important understanding I've reached is
that when we get married, we are suddenly
in charge of a home, of taking care of "a
family" when all our lives we were either
taken care of or in search of being better
taken care of by parents or family who
either abondoned or neglected us in some
way. Now, this may help in your
understanding of Separation Anxiety and,
after all, understanding is half the
battle.
The second half of the battle is fixing
the problem. The longer the problem
remains, the longer your fear is
reinforced. I have been seeking a
phenomenal therapist for almost three
years now and have improved greatly, even
to the point where I enjoy being alone for
two or three hours (not more, not yet).
So... I highly recommend you find a good,
good therapist who can help you
desensitize. If you can't afford a
therapist, you can work on desensitizing
with the love and support of people around
you. To desensitize, you must slowly and
gradually do the thing that makes you
anxious, in our case it is being alone,
until you realize and rationalize that
there's nothing to be afraid of. Word of
caution: start small, but start soon.
Every week or every day (depending on your
comfort level), push yourself a little
further. Challenge yourself a little more.
One important thing to know here is that
it will not be comfortable; don't expect
it to be. That's why you need to start
really, really, really small (regardless
of how miniscule it may seem) until that
small thing that once was enough to send
you nearly into panic now is very
comfortable. Then and only then should
you, preferably with the help of a
licensed psycotherapist, take the next
step.
Finally, don't rule out anxiety
medication. I had to take it for a little
while and now, though I have it "in case
of emergencies," I don't take it anymore.
If you fear that it's addictive, well,
yeah, I guess it can be if you have
addictive behavior; however, it can be a
great way to gain control over your life
and your anxiety again. Control your
anxiety; don't let it control you--and a
very effective way of doing this and in
more-seamlessly working toward
desensitization is with the help of
anti-anxiety drugs. Of course, you must
(before considering any medication or
advanced therapy) consult an expert, but
from one anxious person to another, please
get help and don't wait. And for God's
sake, don't sit around waiting for the
anxiety to dissappear. Do something about
it and do it now.
